Unhappy Birthday

Hi! It's been so hard for me to post here, but today was my birthday and it was the first birthday in 14 years that I didn't have a card or a kiss from my Rajah. I miss him so much! I brought him home on March 20th, 14 years ago. He was my birthday present that year. In honor of him, this March 20th, I got a tattoo of a caricature of him that my son's Dad drew awhile ago. Anyway, sorry I haven't posted, but my heart just grieves everytime I read about someone else going through the same thing.

1 Week Since Rajah Left

I couldn't bring myself to post here today at all until the 1 week anniversary came and went. It was like if I denied it had been a week, then it hadn't. I know it sounds crazy. This kind of anniversary really sucks. I miss him so much and need him so much. Again, I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to any of you guys today (yesterday). I hope tomorrow feels like a better day, but I doubt it will.

Book

Rajah's Daddy was given a book today by a friend of his. I warn you ahead of time, it's a tear jerker, but also helpful. It's called The Last Will and Testament of an Extremely Distinguished Dog, by Eugene O'Neill. There were lots of things in there that reminded me of my Prince, Rajah. He always had such a distinguished, I am the best air about him. Anyway, maybe it will help you to find some comfort. Unfortunately for me, all it did was make me cry. I want to believe so badly that he can hear me every minute of every day when I do talk to him. I've been carrying his picture around with me, even sleep with it.

A quote from the book is, "I ask my Master and my Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, (Rajah always kissed me when I cried), and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain." I know this is what Rajah is thinking, but even when I tell myself this, I still cry and I don't want to make him sad either. I just really miss him!

My Wish!

I was just thinking how totally awesome it would be if all of our babies knew we were on this site and that they all knew that there was a connection, that way we would never have to worry that any of them was alone.

Kids

I was just wondering if any of you had small children when you lost one of your treasures. I'm having a hard time keeping it together for him and he is trying so hard to do things right. He talks to Rajah's grave every morning and night or everytime we leave the house. He just says Hi, we're home! or Goodnight, I love you! I can't take it. If I'm feeling this horrible, what must my Sawyer Bug be feeling?

This morning he told me he had another dream about Rajah and that he was at Rainbow Bridge with him, playing ball and that Rajah said to tell me he loved me! It breaks my heart! Any advice?