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For my Winnie Girl
55 years old
Male
College Station, TX
Born Oct-29-1968
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Joined: 17-December 12
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For my Winnie Girl

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17 Dec 2012
On Saturday, December 15, 2012, I had to make the hardest decision of my life and had to let go of my most precious friend of 15 years. I named her Winnie for reasons I don't remember, but had so many nicknames for her that I think she just knew to come to me whenever I said anything. They included WinnieLou, Bubba dog, Bubba Lou, Little angel, Sweet girl, etc. I got her in my mid 20's when I was single and we became best of friends immediately. When I was home she was always with me. Either playing fetch with her favorite tennis ball, which she could do for hours, or laying right next to me on the couch, or sleeping in my bed. Most Daschund owners know that they like to burrow under things, so it was not uncommon to see her covered up by a blanket or towell, with just her pretty little face sticking out so she could keep an eye on things. As life happens and things change, Winnie was still as friendly and loving as always. I didn't always have as much time for her, but she was loved as much as is possible. She did break her back one day, which was thankfully repaired and gave me another 7-8 years with her. As the years moved on and my family grew, the grasps of old age began to take hold. Her eyesight started going as well as her hearing, but she was still fairly active for her age, she still played with her tennis ball all the time, and would track me down with her nose no matter where I went. Over the last year, the sight was gone, as well as the hearing. The stiffness in her legs was worse, but she still manged to get around with a few bumps into walls and furniture. She could always find the food and water bowls, and she would stand in front of the pantry for as long as it took to get one of her favorite chicken treats.

On her last day, I could tell something had happened. Her breathing was just short of panting, her neck was extended and she wouldnt eat or drink. I watched her all afternoon hoping this would pass, but in my heart I know it wouldnt. When my wife came home and asked what was wrong all I could do was point at Winnie. She asked me if was time, and I broke down crying and said yes. Thankfully we have a family friend who is a vet and he was able to come to our house to help her pass on. At least she was able to go in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar smells and a whole lot of love. I could not watch the injections as I knew I would probably try to stop it. When it was done, I was called back into the living room and there she was, my perfect little angel asleep on the floor for the last time. She looked so peaceful and relaxed. There was no tension in her body as there had been for a few years, she was as soft and as beautiful as ever. But she was gone...

She stayed with us that night until the cremation place came to get her the next morning. I spent a lot of that between time, just looking at her in a special box where she could rest like she did in life, On a soft pillow and covered by a warm blanket. I was able to say the things you say at times like that, about how much she meant to me, how much I loved her, of all the memories I could come up with in my grief, about how I wish I had her back, about how much I missed her. I sat there for hours, not able to leave her side. She deserved that kind of respect and she had been at my side all those years. I could pet her little head and stroke her neck as if she was just sleeping and would soon wake up, but I knew she wouldn't. The tears and sobs were pretty much constant, and still happen, even during the writing of this. I expect they will happen for a long time to come.

I know she is in a better place. Dogs do go to heaven. God would not create an animal that is capable of so much unconditional love and then not have them a special place waiting for them when they die.

What has helped me is picturing her first day in heaven from her point of view:

What a good night sleep I had. This bed is so soft and this blanket has kept me warm and secure. I haven't felt this rested in a long time.

After a nice long stretch still under the blanket, she start to wriggle out to begin her day.

That's wierd, my legs dont feel stiff like they used to for the past few years. In fact, I feel quite strong and flexible.

As she emerges, she looks around, expecting to see only the fog that was her vision, but instead can see everything as clear as can be. Thats wierd she thinks, but as she looks around, she sees her home as it was when she first came home to me. I remember this place, there is the couch I would sleep on waiting for my Dad to get home from work. There is the room and the big bed we slept on togethor for all those years. There is the kitchen island that I used to race around at break-neck speed when I was younger. There is the garage where I would use the potty because I couldn't be taught to go in the grass. Thinking of that, the back door opens and she walks outside to look around. What is that sound, I think its a bird. I haven't heard anything in such a long time. Is that another dog barking off in the distance? I think I will bark back to say hello and that I am here. There is a nice sunny spot on the deck, I think I will lay down for a while before exploring.

After a quick nap, she wakes to find that things have not changed, she is back at home, she can see and hear, her legs are not stiff and her back not sore. I think I want a snack and something to drink. So back inside she goes. There is my food bowl, piled high with my favorite treats and another bowl of fresh water.

Following a quick snack and long drink, she spies her old tennis ball by the door. I know that ball! Thats the one I always had with me, that I slept with and carried around everywhere. It still looks a bit worn with age, but that is how I like it. As she plays with her ball, knocking it from side to side, rolling over with it boucing on her front paws, a gentle hand reches down and grabbs the ball and rolls it way down the hall. Go get it a voice says, and off she goes, running at full speed and with reckless abandon as she did many years ago. This is great, I feel wonderful and all my favorite things are here, but something is missing. Where is my Dad. He must be at work. I guess I will play a while longer with the man with the wings and then take a nap.

After exhausting her regained stores of energy, she burrows back into blanket on that super soft bed. She wiggles around under the blanket until she pokes her head out and lays down so she can see the front door. Just a quick nap and then my dad will be walking through that door very soon. I can't wait.. As she drifts back to sleep.

I know she is in a better place. What may be weeks, months or years before I can go and see her again, to her it will be as just a single day has passed. She won't be alone, for the angels are there to meet her needs till I come. I know the sadness and grief will knock me to my knees from time to time, but I will try to think of her first day in heaven and look forward to seeing her again. When we will have eternity to be at each others side.

She is still my precious little girl and always will be. I love her and miss her greatly. I know she is in a better place.
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18 Dec 2012 - 13:01

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