Hard Time

Not a year ago I had to go to my mother's home and get my childhood cat. My mother said she found an ulcer on her stomach and she was acting badly. We took her to the vet and the cancer combined with her age (19) it was decided that we put her to sleep. I held her and tried to comfort her even though I know she was very scared. The doc gave her two injections. One to calm her, and the other to stop her heart. I'm a 33 year old man, and this was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The image of life leaving her was more than I could bare at the time. The event has haunted me in my dreams ever since.

Fast forward to this last saturday. One of our cats that never lets me touch her stomach, well, I discover that she has mammary cancer that has ulcerated as well. I would have NEVER seen it as like I said she usually doesn't let you get anywhere near her stomach. She has been that way since she was a kitten. It was just by chance that I saw it. She acts perfectly fine. I of course know she isn't and now I'm faced with the inevitable that tomorrow I will have to have her put to sleep as well. I can tell it's at such an advanced stage that she has no hope of recovery. I'll have the vet confirm of course but I honestly don't think I can go through it again. Why must we fill our lives with pets only to have to see them go? Not only see them go, but aid in their departure!

I've been loving on her and crying all day. She gets excited at the prospect of going in the car, only this time she won't be coming back with me.