Despite Knowing It Was Coming...

Lastnight/Early this morning:
I had to have my 13 yr cat, Abram, put to sleep early this morning, 29-Mar-05. He seemed fine when I got home from work at about 7pm. He and Titus (his brother) met me at the door as soon as they heard my car, they both gave me the rituall meows and headbutts-to-the-leg and they received thier pats and ear scratchies. I gave Abram his meds (we had been dealing with hyperthyroidism for about 1 1/2 years or so) and gave them both thier dinner, took a few minutes to care for my other pets (conure and a budgie) and proceeded to do some work on my PC at home. Within about 45 mins, he was vomiting, which with hyperthyroid is normal occasionally, but this time, he started vomiting every hour or so and was not normal at all. During the next couple of hours, he seemed to get weaker and weaker which I took to be from the energy expended from vomitting, but after the 4th episode, I noticed he was starting to have trouble walking and immediately called the emergency room. By this time, it was shortly after midnight, and by 3:30am, the doctor had done everthing she could for him, including IVs, and oxygen tent therapy, but determined that he was unlikely to recover and asked that I go in and see him to decide if it was time. Even though I knew that his disease would eventually take him, I did not expect him to take such a drastic turn for the worse in such a short time and was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. While I am not new to grieving for a pet, it has been a VERY long time since I have had a pet that was my own and not the family pet.

About "The Boys and thier siblings":
My sister's cat had kittens in May of 1992, and I had first pick of the litter. I originally only choose Titus because despite being the smallest and the runt, he had the most spark and energy. The more I visited them as kittens the harder it got to not want them all. But my sister had found homes for Sara, Ezekiel, and Job already and Abram was the only one left. He had a deformed foot and I ended up deciding to take him as well because my sister was uncertain if she would find someone to take him and care for him with his foot. I had always intended that they be indoor cats and being in college and later gone during the day at work, I figured it would be best for Titus to have company to play with in my absence and Abram would always be safe indoors with his foot being the way it was. Thankfully, after about 5 months, Abram's foot straightened itself out (no bone deformation, just the way he was positioned in the womb forced his leg to develop as it did) and he was as normal as any cat, and ended up being far more personable then most which made the decision to take him total justified and his loss more painful. Of the 5, only Titus is left, I'm not certain how the others passed, I only know that they had. Thinking about it now, its seems rather humorous that the runt of the litter would end up outliving his mostly healthier siblings. I had hoped, considering the parents had lived well into the 17-18 year old range, that they would also at least have a shot at it with proper vet care and baring any serious injuries.. It depresses me (more) to think that 13 years have passed by already and only one of the litter has made it this far without anything more serious happening to him than a bladder infection.

Going forward:
Titus and Abram had never been separated for more than a day or two, werer from the same litter and from parents of remarkable pesonalites themselves, yet both were so different in thier own personalities. Abram was always the first looking for "rubbies" and hugs, and after 5 minutes of cautious inspection of visitors, would have no problem coming up and making friends. Titus would only warm up to someone after Abram had and seemed driven by jealousy of the attention given to Abram at times. Titus is as much an affectionate cat as Abram was, but it is on different and seemingly more strigent terms. I have to wonder that now that there is no other cat in the house (Titus doesnt get jealous of my Parrot, a sun conure named Duffy) if his "rules" will change about getting and giving attention. Based on how he as been acting today, searching the house, meowing loudly, etc, and probably wondering why I brought home the cat carrier without Abram which I hadnt done before, I have think Titus knows Abram is gone and is as lonely for Abram as I am already, and I dont know what to do about helping him (or myself for that matter) other than giving him more attention which may spoil him more than he already is. If anyone has suggestions how to help a pet who is grieving/searching constantly for a lost sibling/mate, I'd appreciate hearing them. Life is never going to be the same in this house without Abram. I'm not sure if I am going to get another cat just yet. I will probably wait for a while because I can't imagine my house without 2 cats under my feet (or huddled up in bed with me) all the time, but I'm afraid that Titus wont recieve new members well (we have had other cats over for short periods of babysitting and that didnt go too well).

I'm not really sure why I posted here other than I think putting this "out there" is somewhat theraputic for me. I sorta feel weird being a man and having these strong feelings over a losing a pet. And posting will memorialize Abram for a time as well, at least until I get he cremated remains back which will be in about 4-6 weeks according to the crematorium.

Sorry for all the details and rambling, and thank you for spending a few minutes reading it.