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16 Sep 2012
Hi All,

I've never posted anything before,but I just needed to tell my story to those who truly know.

Midge, Sweetpea, Kitten, Peanut, Roof rider, Angel Cat, just a few of the endearments to one who made me laugh everyday.

We brought her & her friend Chip- 1 yr. old tuxedo male home from the shelter in Oct. 2010. Unknown to us was how sick Midge was with terrible diarrhea due to tri trichinosis fetus. She was about 6mos. old. Over the next few months while trying to keep them both in, her & the house clean, get a diagnosis & some kind of treatment I had thoughts to take her back. But I just couldn't. Exhausted & desperate I started to let her go outside to our secluded backyard. She would go up to 6 times in 1 hour. I combed over the internet & finally found a drug that was a godsend. After treatment this tiny tabby with the too short tail & the bloated little belly got healthy & strong. She now loved outside, & we started to barricade the backyard. We put up new 8 foot fence, cut down a tree, put up netting & Luwan. She kept escaping. I would get up with before dawn to watch her find the latest escape route, then fix it. Nothing worked.

I didn't realize that tabbies were considered "working" cats who loved to hunt. She wasn't much of a talker, but she would trill & set on my shoulder. She loved closets & drawers. We would chase & scare each other. Her little tail would fuzz, but not for long. All you had to do was talk to her & her little head would start to roll from side to side & it would pull her right down so all of her body could roll too. She loved to run everywhere. Instead of walking , she would prance, kind of stiff-legged like a baby horse.

So again exhhausted & desperate, with a feeling of such dread & forboding, down came the barricades. I worried that if she got out, she might not be able to get back in. She was older now & I thought a little wiser. I cryed as I just didn't know what else to do. We played with her, watched her, checked on her. A few times when she went missing I was always able to find her. She was ecstatically happy, as I said running everywhere.

August 31, Fri. 2012 - It was a blue moon last night. Got up early with the sweetpea, as she climbed onto my shoulder I literally heard myself saying -is this the last time I'll see you? This was not unusual, as both my husband & myself had felt this way before. This feeling of absolute dread, like a train you couldn't stop was upon us again. One house away, there is a road with a 25 MPH. speed limit, & an attractive hedge on the other side full of mice. I went down there twice to look for her. I completely underestimated the heavier traffic load due to construction, & did not know that police had been writing tickets for up to 60MPH. My neighbor pulled into my driveway, he had Midge in back. Massive head trauma. On this side of the road. She was almost home. She was still warm, & she had that sweet kitten smell that was her. She was afraid of cars, but her answer was just to run.

The reason for my fear & dread had happened. I miss her desperately. Now I cry everyday. Plenty of guilt. I can barely function. She was just everywhere in my life. I have read the posts by you kind & hurting people & I know you care on a level that most people just don't get.

As I look this over, it looks like I'm trying to justify to myself? or to my Kitten? why I let her out. In 25 years here ,I never had a problem with my other cats. It just HURTS so much! Thanks for listening,
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