It has been a week today that my wonderful Australian Shepherd, Satchel, died. He would have been three years old next month. Satchel was by far the best dog I've ever had. He was a wonderful puppy and an even better adult. I loved him like he was my child and my heart is broken that he is gone.

About a month ago, Satchel suffered a heat stroke. It was an unusual event in that it was not unusually hot and he had certainly played in hotter weather for a much longer time. The signs of the heat stroke appeared rapidly but we were able to cool him down before taking him to the emergency vet. We actually cooked him too much and his temperature fell dangerously low. He spent about a week in the hospital but he did survive the stroke, which puts him in the low percentage of dogs that survive a heat stroke anyway.

As a result, his immune system was damaged and our regular vet put him on prednisone and a host of other medications. He was improving although he seemed depressed because he wasn't getting his normal amount of "play" time. His blood work continued to improve and last Wednesday we went for his weekly checkup and his blood work looked almost normal. I was so relived. For the first time I felt like he was going to be alright. The vet even said we could go back to agility class, but no running, just individual obstacles.

We went to class Wednesday evening and after the weave poles and a couple of times over the teeter, Satch started to look like he felt bad. My husband went outside with him and he almost immediately threw up. He threw up a couple more times before we decided to take him home. On the way home, he seemed like he felt better so we thought maybe it was just the excitement of being out of the house.

That night, Satch never came upstairs to bed with us and my husband got up early Thursday morning to check on him. He had thrown up three more times throughout the night and did not look good. I quickly got dressed and we took him to the vet. They decided that his symptoms seemed unrelated to his previous heat stroke and decided to do X-rays. The first set didn't show anything, so they gave him some barium and did another. While they were waiting on the X-rays, Satchel was deteriorating fast. His temperature was rising and he became more listless.

The second set of X-rays showed a swollen area in his small intestine where the barium was reduced to a trickle. The vet decided that he needed emergency surgery to remove whatever was obstructing his intestines. It turned out to be what they thought looked like sidewalk chalk. I still don't know where in the world he got into sidewalk chalk and it really wasn't like him to eat things anyway. Our vet performed the surgery and was surprised to find that he hadn't suffered any necrosis of his small intestine. He was so sick she thought for sure they would get in there and find a lot of dead tissue, but they didn't.

Our vet stayed with him for a while at her practice and then personally transferred him to the emergency vet for overnight hospitalization. We met her there at about 8 PM last Thursday evening. My poor baby looked so pitiful. He was coming out of the anesthesia but he still didn't have control of his body. He was responding to stimulus and when I touched him he started to make some noise but I didn't want to upset him. The doctor was not pleased with his color but he was stable.

We left the EV at around 8:15-8:20 and Satch went into pulmonary arrest at about 8:25 PM. They called our regular vet and she gave them instructions. They revived him and intibated him but he never took another breathe on his own. He died at 8:45 PM. We were at a friend's house that lived near by and we both had mistakenly left our cell phones in the car. After staying much too long, (my husband and I both are certainly talkers) we both had missed calls from the EV. I knew when I saw that number that it couldn't be good news. My husband called and they told him what had happened.

He was immediately hysterical and was really not capable of driving the car. I on the other hand was calm and quiet, did not shed a tear. I was obviously in shock. They asked if we wanted to come back and see his body and I said no. Now I wish more than anything that we had gone back. My last memories of him are coming out of anesthesia with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and that morning when we left him at the vet, he planted his feet and did not want to leave us. Both of these are just heartbreaking. I should have gone back to see him so I could have at least hugged him one more time.

The staff at the emergency vet made a plaster paw print and cut some of his fur for us. They really couldn't have picked a better place to cut the fur from. He had this really wispy fur right behind his ears, it was all he retained of his puppy fur and it would get all crimped when it was wet, we called it his 80s fur. Anyway, my husband has gotten better and I've just gotten worse. I had to convince my husband to get Satchel 3 years ago and you would have thought I was expecting a child. His crate and bed were all ready with a collar and tag before we ever even picked him out.

Now he's gone and I still can't even believe it. He was so young and I really thought we had another decade or more together. Some of my closest friends I wouldn't even know without him. I made him and doing things with him so much a part of my life and I am pretty lost without him. I made a shadow box full of his things, including the plaster paw and fur, but I don't know what to do with all the pictures and little momentos. I put his food and water dishes up but not his bed. I have all these pictures of him at work and I haven't taken any of them down. I don't want to just remove them like I'm trying to forget him, but at the same time it is hard to see him everywhere I look.

I bought a book on loosing a pet, because that is what I do when I don't understand something, I buy a book. It has helped some but it really just says the same stuff over and over again and none of it seems to help all that much. This has been the longest week of my life. I miss my puppy and there is nothing to be done about it.

He was such a wonderful dog, so handsome and such a defined personality. He wasn't the most lovey dog by any means and typically looked at me when I was loving on him as if he was tolerating me more than anything, but he always needed to be near me and my husband. He had to take care of the herd, even when the herd kept moving around the house making him get up and follow. I am not a religious person but one of my friends is and she is convinced that it was meant to be, and I am now inclined to agree with her. Not that it makes it any easier to deal with or any more fair but I have to believe that Satchel needed to be somewhere else now. I still miss him terribly and cry often but I really don't know what else to do.

Thanks for listening to my rambling. I've been reading your board for a few days now and finally felt like I was ready to post about my baby.

Nicole

Dear Nicole:

I am happy that you decided to share your story about your very, very beautiful pup, Satchel!!!!!!
Please just know that, "you were not rambling, whatsoever......"

Your baby Satchel was a very handsome boy!!!! Absolutely gorgeous!

I am soooooooo very sorry about all that you and your husband went through --- your story is so sad!!!

Yes, Satchel was very young, and of course one would think that you had at the very least, a decade more together!!

I know that a lot of people on this site have made "memory boxes", or all of their furkids very special things.....
pictures, bowls, collars, etc....
I can understand that you haven't taken up Satchel's bed yet..... There's no rush....

And, yes, you will cry for a long while.... It is a definite shock, and a terrible loss!

After awhile, you will be very surprised to see that some of your tears will change to joy and laughter -----
WHEN YOU START REMEMBERING ALL OF THE WONDERFUL MEMORIES THAT YOU & SATCHEL SHARED TOGETHER...

The vision that you have from the last time that you saw your precious, beloved Satchel, WILL EVENTUALLY CHANGE to the ways that you've always remembered him.....

I love that the EV made a plaster paw print, and cut some of his fur; which happened to be his beautiful, wispy puppy fur, from behind his ears..... As you called it, his 80's fur.....

Nicole, I am very, very sorry that you had to come to a pet-grief site at all.....but, I will say that "if you had to come to one at all", you really have come to the best place - "Lightning-Strike".

The people here...........well, it's like family, only better!!!!.....Really, it is. Everyone cares, you'll never hear, "you should be over it", or any of those things that people (who usually don't have beloved family furkids), might say....
Everyone here understands exactly what you are going through. Please always remember that you are among friends here. Feel free to get everything off your chest!

I know that you said that you aren't a Religious person........but, my belief is that there is a very special place called,
"Rainbow's Bridge", and after our "pets" pass away (I say "pets", to include "the scaly friends", "the winged friends", "the finned friends" --- all of God's creatures that roam this planet).....
they go to Rainbow's Bridge..........

It is beautiful there, with grass, trees, flowers, water, etc., and all of our babies go there, after they die. Our babies are perfect.................they are no longer in pain........their bodies are whole.....they can run & jump, and, as I've said to a friend on this site.........

"THEY ARE HAVING A BLAST!!!!! "

I do agree with what your friend said, "she is convinced that this was meant to be".....
And, as well, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT, (in what you stated)... "It doesn't make it any easier to deal with or anymore fair, but you believe that Satchel needed to be somewhere else right now."

It's perfectly okay to "still miss him terribly and cry often"......
Through your tears, you will surely find much needed HEALING! Let your tears just flow...

I cried for a very long while, as has everyone on this site When I started to smile a little, and to laugh, I was more surprised than anyone.... Remembering all of the wonderful things that my sweet girl did, and the fun times that we shared together...

Always remember, your beloved Satchel,......... HE IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE, IN YOUR HEART & SOUL!!!

I will always be soooooooooooo grateful that Ernestine was in my life - that we shared our lives together....
And, I know that (although the time was MUCH TOO SHORT), you will always be grateful that Satchel was a part of
your life, here on Earth!

We will all be reunited, one day, I believe.........

Nicole, please keep reading all of our posts, and please write as much as you need to....
We are all here for you.....

YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND IN MY PRAYERS!!!!!

Peace & Love,
Denise
but

Dearest Nicole,
I am so sorry to read about your wonderful dog Satchel's passing. What you endured is shattering and obviously you are doing your level best to sort things out. I had to smile with what you wrote about going out and buying a book when you need to understand things. I have always done that. According to the size of my library I do not understand much! I own books on a plethora of "problems". I confess I didn't invest in any pet loss books, probably for the same reason you cited, the advise seems a little smaltzy and trite in the books I reviewed. I have learned everything I "know" about it from the other posters here and from a couple of the articles here.

I am afraid your instincts are correct, that the only way to get to the other side of this pain is indeed to sort it through with your heart and your mind. Posting your story helps in and of itself...just getting your story on the "outside" of yourself in a journalist's style as you have done goes a long way toward your healing. Here you will find folks like yourself who read your words and KNOW precisely how you feel.

I found so much to relate to in your post because my cat (that's him in my avatar) lived after an accident for one full week in the emergency vet's facility after numerous blood transfusions and an extensive surgery. I too had the up and down roller coaster emotions that you describe--here you felt your wonderful friend was on the mend only to have more catastrophe! I know intimately about that. My hopes were raised and then dashed, raised and then dashed several times. I too saw my beloved animal under the worst cir%%stances and wished I could comfort him. Ginger looked AWFUL after his surgery and I wanted so much to be able to soothe him. I know exactly how you felt.

The wonderful thing in your post is the thing about the friend who feels there was a "reason". You sense this is so. I agree! I do not for the life of my understand the reason but I have come to the same conclusion. One poster here (it was "arnold's mom) wrote that she "had to accept that arnold's time had come". I remember reading that a couple of times and absorbing the grace of her statement! Even though your pet was so young you are willing to consider the same thing arnold's mom did, and that is much to your credit. It is so difficult when the animal is so young! But no time is a good time to lose your companion. Not 3 years, 6 years or 19 years! no time is a good time ever!

There is a post here about another young dog named "Belle" ..she was only 4 and died from heat stroke also. For whatever reason, both Belle and your Satchel, while engaging in the most normal spirited activity that they LOVED had an adverse reaction! Belle too was happy and in a moderate climate! We can not know why. Just as with people sometimes "lightning strikes" and the worst imagineable happens. Despite everyone's best efforts and intentions nothing can be done. So it was with my Ginger. He had timely emergency treatment by the best veterinary "talent" in my area, but I still got that dreaded phone call, just like you did.

Nicole, you are already doing a wonderful job of listening to your inner voice. Satchel knew you loved him (he sounds like a teenage boy who loved being loved by you yet not wanting mommy to go overboard! lol)..and now he really is in perfect bliss running about with our pets at the rainbow bridge. He is going to be a guiding force in your life and you will find that out for sure in the future. One day the heartache you are experiencing today is going to be replaced with wonderful memories. Of course it is difficult to really grasp that right now.

It has been 2 months for me and finally I feel genuine happiness when I think of my Ginger. I don't picture him in the emergency vets now. I picture him on our porch or flopping around at my feet (he used to literally throw himself at my feet and turn himself upside down to show me how happy he was!) yep, I picture THAT now. That is the first picture that comes to mind. So it will be for you! In time the hospital memories will fade and be replaced by the happier times. I promise you. Try not to be upset about not returning to the vet's. Your first instinct truly is usually the best one. You may be MORE upset now if you had gone back! Honest!

In the meantime you might post a tribute on the tribute board or find some way to commemorate Satchel. I found something special for the yard and when I look at it now I don't cry anymore, I smile. I wear a locket with a bit of Ginger's fur in it. You might also think of some way to honor Satchel.
My heart goes out to you..I am thinking of you....You are among "kindred spirits" here!
Love,
Patti

Hi Nicole,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet and wonderful dog Satchel. As you know, my dog Belle died from a heatstroke a few weeks back and I'm still recovering from this terrible loss in my life.

Like you, it took a while before the loss really sank in for me (perhaps I was in shock or denial at first). I miss Belle so very much and I know your love for Satchel will not go away any time soon either. But that's a good thing because he touched your heart and you'll always remember him for that.

Lately, I've spend a lot of time remembering all the fun times Belle and I have had, which makes me cry uncontrollably but also makes me laugh. I find that it's helpful for me to "release" my emotions and tears rather then hold it in. I've also come to the realization that I will forever miss Belle... but I can remember with with loving memories rather then sadness over her death.

With deepest sympathy,
Cindy