I Am In Absolute Despair

Hi everyone--

I found this site last night, while searching desperately for some comfort. We put my wonderful, loyal, loving, strong, 12 year old yellow lab, Brady, to sleep on Monday morning. Since then I feel like I am living in a nightmare. I am having trouble sleeping, eating, or doing anything that takes my attention away from focusing on the unbearable feelings of loss I have. I cannot stand the thought of not seeing Brady again. I keep running through my head all of the "do overs" I would like with him--the things I could have done to be a better mom to him. I am in so much pain, that I am not entirely sure what I am searching for other than to have him back.

I want to believe that it will get better, but right now I am so consumed with guilt, anger, and overwhelming sadness. I would give anything to have five more minutes with him. The pain is excuciating.

Thanks for listening.

(Brady's very sad mom)