Saturday night my mom told me she found my cat on the driveway and that she had been bitten in the stomach by an animal an hour earlier. She said they buried her afterward. I had my cat for about 11 years and I'm absolutely devastated. I've been going out of my mind since. It kills me because she was a tiny cat and very sweet she would of never intiated a fight with any animal so I know it attacked her first. To make matters worse, I was the one who let her outside that day and she didnt really seem like she even wanted to go outside when normally she runs to the door. I opened the door and she just stood there, then I was like "come on go outside" and she slowly walked outside. It's like she knew something would happen or something. I can't help but blame myself. Everyone is telling me not to but in reality, she would still be here if I didnt let her outside. I've never lost a person who was really close to me so this is probably one of my biggest losses I've experienced. I almost feel as though my child died. My heart is just completely shattered. Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this?

Abrm, my heart goes out to you< i feel so sad for your devastating loss.
There is nothing that can describe the pain we feel when we lose our precious pets. I just want you to know that there are so many people on here that understand that awful pain. They have been such a help to me since losing my darling Samoyed, Noushka, 3 months ago, today.
As for the guilt, we all feel guilty. We all think of the 'if only' or 'what if' and we blame ourselves. Probably because we are so used to looking after our pets that we feel we have let them down, but sadly some things are beyond our control.
Your little cat was so plainly greatly loved and cherished, and she would not want you to be sad and blame yourself, she knows that you would do anything for her.
I wish I could do more to help take the dreadful pain away. I will be thinking of you.


Love and hugs

Jan x

Abrm, I'm so sorry about your baby. Yes, it absolutely feels like you've lost a child. The pain is even physical. Don't feel guilty, although I know you will fight that possibly forever. You know cats are funny about doing anything that isn't their idea. I think that if she really knew something bad was going to happen, she simply wouldn't have gone out. She wouldn't have gone to the door. Each one of us on this forum feel responsible for our babies' deaths even though each one of has a completely different story. I had to put my kitty, Frasier to sleep 13 1/2 weeks ago so I understand your guilt. I'm so sorry. She's sounds like a wonderful kitty. I know it is difficult thinking about how she went and never knowing exactly what happened. You're in my thoughts during this awful time.
-Donna

Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your precious cat. This was so unexpected, your first really big loss and you're blaming yourself for something completely out of your control. Since it was so sudden and not anticipated, this makes it even more devastating to you. Please don't blame yourself. I know that's a tall order since it's all so fresh and raw in your mind, heart and soul. However, this was no fault of yours at all.

You say that your kitty acted like it didn't want to go outside as though she knew something was about to happen. The fact is that you don't really know the reason why she may have hesitated to go outside. I can name dozens of reasons. What you're doing when you say it's as though she knew something was going to happen is called anthropomorphism and all us fur and feather kid moms and dads tend to do that at times. She may have wanted a treat or a toy or she was simply sitting there thinking about butterflies and birds. See? You have no way to know what she was thinking since humans don't think like cats but we many times attribute human emotions to our fur kids when that's not what they're thinking at all.

Here's an example: Sometimes I look at my Buddy dog and say to myself, "Poor pooch. He's so depressed. Just look at him lying there with that look on his face and his body language. He must be feeling really depressed." Actually, most of the time when my Buddy dog looks that way, he's really very comfortable, happy and resting in his favorite spot. Now you see what I mean? So, no. There's no way you could know what your kitty was thinking.

Right now, your world is shattered! You're feeling terrible grief, guilt and devastation. You've got a gosh awful case of the "what ifs" and "if only's" ... Those will eat you up and spit you out. You will be affected emotionally and physically as well. Let me give you the direct links to some posts here at LS in Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area. All will validate what you're feeling, experiencing, plus help you to cope. And, they are authored by Veterinarians and Doctors who specialize in the emotions of Pet Loss. Do take your time since these posts are permanent so not going anywhere. Here are the links ...

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going "Insane" Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss

Grief & the Loss of a Pet

This Web site gives phone numbers and times of day to call and speak with live professionals. The names of the states are up at the top. Click on them to get the information I just mentioned ...

Pet Bereavement Support Groups

You may want to try this. It works and helps millions of people ...

How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet: Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions

Light A Candle Online. It Is Free. Please Read.

A Different Way To View Suffering from George Anderson

NOTE: Click on "A Place For Us" in the following Link ...

A Place For Us - Why They're Not Really Gone by Terri Onorato

Take your time. Okay? Please know that you and your Angel Fur Kid are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many loving Angels to soothe and gently guide you through this most difficult time in your life. Come back and talk as often as you're able. I know it will be difficult for you to see your key pad and PC monitor as you type through your tears, however it's by sharing and caring that we help each other to find that Healing Path.



I Wish You Peace!

Many Comforting Hugs to You and Your Angel Fur Kid Kitty!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dearest abrm325, how are you doing? How are you holding up and how are you feeling? Much the same happened to me. My loss was sudden and due to having been killed. I felt and still feel very guilty because there were so many "red flags" cautioning me that this was going to happen. I just didn't see them at the time. Also, I didn't know then what I soon found out afterwards. Alex was my heart, my soul and my world. I failed him ...

What I do is to ask him to please forgive me. I know he can hear me where he is because he has sent me at least three or more signs. I know he's happy where he is and that's of comfort to me. I feel so badly for you and now you know why I can relate so acutely to your pain. It's because I myself have been there. My world was shattered, too. Just like yourself. I feel very concerned about you, Dear One.

Please write when you're feeling up to it. What was your kitty's name? How did you meet your kitty? Most of all, how are you feeling? Would you like to know some of the many ways you can pay loving tribute in memory to your kitty? There's so many things you can do that won't cost you one penny. It does take time just as it takes time to heal. Remember to be kind to you and take baby steps. OK? OK. Here's what I posted to Madi here at LS ...

Here are some things I do that really help me a lot.

The following is a copy and paste from another site ...

Help and healing

It has been shown that when grief can be expressed, the time needed for healing is often less. Similarly, if the expression of grief is restricted or withheld, the healing process may take much longer.

In addition to talking with others, to do something often helps us work through our grief. By doing something positive during this time of sadness, we expand our focus by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities which may help include:

Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet
Making a charitable donation
Holding a funeral or memorial service
Drawing a picture, making a clay sculpture or doing needlework of something that reminds you of your pet (you could do this yourself, or have it done by a professional)
Placing your pet's nametag on your keyring
Writing a poem, song, or story
Composing music or a song
Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book
Writing a letter to your pet
Framing a photograph
Volunteering your time

Me Dottie talking again. I find that writing poems, songs, creating images on my computer help a lot. Also, I did create a Memorial Website a couple months ago or so for Alex. It was free so heck yeah! I also come here (and to Alex's Website) and make posts where I'm speaking with him. In my heart of hearts I know that he hears me, too. I'm not just saying that. My word to you. What seems to help me most of all is to do my best to help others who are going through what we are. Do you have any photos of your fur kid that you could share? If so, I would be honored to enhance it as I've done for so many here at Lighting Strike. People take great comfort seeing their beloved Rainbow Bridge Fur Kids transformed into Angels with gold, glittering wings and halos as well as other pretties. Just think on it and take your time to let me know.

I pray I've been of some small help and we can continue talking until we're blue in the face. You bet. Everyone at LS is here for you, Dear One. You are a Wonderful Fur Kid Mommy!!! Please never forget that. Okay? Okay.

Many Comforting Hugs and Love to You and Your Angel Fur Kid!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Your loss is very sad Abrm, I feel for you so much. I know that devastating, smothering feeling of loss, wish I didn't. Don't blame yourself, we all do for some reason, I too let my cat out just before I left for a 2hr drive to the airport thinking he would be better off outside rather than being locked in the house all day. I thought if he was out all the day playing in the hay shed, he would be more willing to come in and stay in when I got home. You, just like me, didn't know what was going to happen and we both just did what we thought was right at the time and that's all we can ever do. It will take time to work your way through the grief and take as much time as you need, it does get easier believe it or not. Take care.

madi xx

Thank you all so much for your kind words, they have touched my heart. It has helped me hear everyone else’s stories and I give you all my love and support. I never knew how hard losing a pet could be, especially right after Thanksgiving. My kitty’s name was Velvet and I found her as a kitten in my neighborhood at the time when I was 9 or 10 years old. She actually had a sister, Snickers, and we took her in too, but unfortunately we had to put her to sleep within the first 2 years because she was sick. It saddened me, but not like this. I had Velvet for half of my life and she was big part of my childhood. I found out at about 9:30pm Saturday night, and everyday has gotten easier; I still cry every day, but less every day. I think the biggest challenge for me is to stop playing the “what if” game. It’s so hard for me and I can imagine for everyone else on here. It happened at my mom’s house, and I returned to college after the holiday, so I am worried that when I go home for Christmas I will relapse. My mom said she still gets a spooky feeling when she sees our driveway because that is where they found her.

I am glad I found this forum, I’ve never actually joined something like this before but I’m so glad I found it. All the pictures of your animals are beautiful. My mom and sister said I should get a new kitten to help make the pain more bearable. I kind of want to to fill the void but at the same time I don’t want to replace Velvet. I read you should wait because what you’ll actually want is your old pet and may begin to resent a new animal. I know I am not ready now but I do plan to eventually. Do any of you have new pets now? If not, are you planning on it? Also, should you get an animal that looks different, like different fur or gender? Thanks for writing to me, it really helps.
-Angela

Dearest Angela, how dear of you and your Mom to adopt Velvet and Snickers as stray kitties in your neighborhood. You saved them both a world of bad that's out there, opened your home, hearts and gave them so much love. I'm truly sorry that Snickers got that ill after two years and needed to be put out of her suffering. So, you got them both when you were around nine or ten years old and that's practically half your life. What a terrible blow this is to you. You are a Wonderful Fur Kid Mommy!!! Please never forget that.

It does get easier, then harder, then easier and back and forth. I lost Alex in October of 2007 and can't begin to tell you how many times I went back and forth from crying hysterically all day long to feeling somewhat okay whenever I'd do constructive things to take my mind off what happened. Since I realized that Christmas would be unbearable without him, I took every memory of Alex, put it in an imaginary box, locked that box and placed it way up high on a shelf far back in the corner of my mind. I still do that and it is really not a healthy thing to do because ultimately, one must face their grief and allow yourself to feel and express your pain and devastation. That's the only way you'll ever find a way to cope and begin to find that Healing Path.

As far as getting a new kitten right away, that works for some people. However, it does not work for those who are just not ready yet. You're very correct that it can and very likely will cause you to resent that new kitty. Take your time to experience all you're feeling right now and don't let anyone tell you when it's time to get over it. You'll know when it's time. For some, it's days. For others, it's weeks, months or even longer ...

It's different for each of us. Remember to take baby steps and be kind to you!

If and when you finally decide to get a new kitty, it's fine to be the same gender or even similar in color just as long as you realize and know without a doubt that your new kitty won't be the same as Velvet. Not the same personality, behavior, playfulness, affection and so on. But, that's okay. It really is. You can never replace your most beloved, cherished Velvet. That is a fact and goes without saying. We know that.

However, when you do decided to adopt another fur kid, please remember that you honor Velvet's memory in doing so. She would want that for you. Velvet would want you to be happy! Is there anything I didn't cover? Practically all I've said is covered in a couple of the links I provided for you. Please keep coming back to talk about how you're feeling and share more about your precious Angel Fur Kid Velvet.

Many Comforting Hugs to you and your Angel Fur Kid Kitty Velvet!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dear Angela,

We all blame ourselves because we have such a deep desire to try and make sense out why our beloved mate left this world. We ask why, if only I had, what if, and when we can't find the answer we seek..............we blame ourselves because we think that is the only thing left.

I don't know why my Goliath left this world when he did so unexpectedly 25 months ago. But what I do know is that he enriched my life in every way by spending his life with me. Though I have had many loved people in my life who passed away, not one sent me into such devastating grief. When Goliath passed away my world was turned absolutely upside down and the world I had known turned dark and gloomy.

The real reality of losing one we love so much is that we really don't have any control over when they come into this world nor when they leave. But when they leave, they also leave us with the beautiful memories we made with them during the years we had with them. We all do our very best to keep our precious ones safe and would never purposely put them in harms way. But we can't stop something we didn't see before it happens. Sweet Velvet most certainly knows her demise was not because of you. Absolutely she knew how much you loved her and she loved you too.

The most important thing I can promise you is that the deep seeded grief you are feeling now will subside in time. There is no way around grief..........you can only work through it as painful as that is. This journey of grief and healing is long and hard.... full of ups and downs. Losing our beloved furfriends forces us into finding another way back to happiness and leading a fulfilling and purposeful kind of life. It's sort of like learning to walk all over again because everything seems foreign. Nothing is ever the same again. Though I will miss my Goliath for the rest of my life, I have learned to live with peace and happiness in my heart again. He was my greatest blessing and I feel honored that God chose me to live his life with him. Velvet left you with a wonderful everlasting gift of the memories you and she made together and nothing can ever change that. Those who have lived with the love relationship with an animal surely have been blessed. Many will never know that kind of unique love their entire life. The people who find LS know in their hearts this kind of love and also understand the pain that comes through the physical death of one they love so very much. We walk with each other, hand in hand through our journeys, picking up the broken pieces of our hearts along the way. Coming to LS brought me hope, inspiration, healing, and a renewed purpose in life.

Take each day one at a time. Make it the very best you can and have no regrets. Velvet was a grand blessing and YOU were chosen to live her life with her. That makes both of you very special and your love doesn't end because she left this world for another. A bond such as yours is never broken even between worlds. Carry her love with you and let it shine all around you and within you. I guarantee you that her loving spirit is very much alive and well and will always be with you.

Hugs of love and comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth