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I just lost my sweet fluffy soulmate, Stew, on 4/23/10. I can't even believe he's gone. I was dreading the day I'd lose him beginning the day he came into my life. I'll never be the same now that he's gone, but I know I'm a better person for having had him in my life for t
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mom2stew
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Wisconsin
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Joined: 23-April 10
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mom2stew

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5 May 2010
I finally got up the energy to write about my special guy. I have been so distraught for weeks now, and coming to this forum and reading what others have gone through, and the advice they've gotten, is what has kept me going.

My fluffy Stew came into my life on 5/19/99. I adopted him from the Humane Society, he was sick, shaved, lost an ear, had really bad teeth...despite his sweet personality, no one wanted him! It was my gain, because he turned out to be my furry soulmate. I fell in love with him at first glance. They estimated he was somewhere between 2-10 years old. I lived by myself at the time, so I listed him in the phone book with me to make me look less vulnerable...he has been getting mail ever since.

He grew back all of his fur, and turned out to be really fluffy and beautiful. Who needs 2 ears anyway? We got his teeth taken care of (they tried root c&%^s, ended up pulling most of them), and after 2 weeks of hiding under my bed he finally began to trust me.

Over the years his confidence grew and grew, he OWNED this house! He didn't warm up to just anybody, but really loved his family, and especially me; I liked that about him, you had to earn his trust and his love. He had obviously been through a lot in the years before I knew him.

He had various health issues over the years (repeated abscesses behind his "bad" ear, hyperthyroid requiring radioactive iodine treatment) but always pulled through.

He was truly unique in so many ways. He didn't ever jump up on anything higher than the couch--no countertops, tables, etc. He wasn't exactly very agile smile.gif he never required a cat carrier to go the vet, I just held him and he would bury his sweet face in my arm. He loved to go outside, but rarely ventured beyond the yard. He'd sit in the garden or under the deck, and come out to explore his yard only if my husband or I was there with him. He would walk next to us, touring the garden, occasionally stopping to pee in the mulch!

I just loved him so much. I can't explain it. I loved sleeping next to him, kissing him, petting him...I loved coming home to him. I didn't like how he would howl for catfood early in the morning, but even that was kind of cute to me.

A year ago he had a physical to see if he was fit enough to have yet one more tooth removed. They found an irregular heart beat. An echocardiogram revealed that he had cardiomyopathy (enlarged heart muscle), which is genetic. He was managed on medication for the last year. He lost a little of his spunk, but over all seemed like a pretty content older kitty.

A couple weeks ago, after one of our garden tours, he suddenly collapsed on the deck and started panting. We are fortunate enough to live a few blocks from the emergency vet, so I took him there immediately. He recovered after oxygen and some diuretic. A repeat echocardiogram a few days later showed that his heart disease had really progressed over the last year, and that his heart wasn't working well; he was retaining fluid in his lungs. They made medication changes. 2 days later it happened again. Went to the ER, and they gave him a BIG dose of diuretic this time. He came home that night, and just never was the same. He hid behind things, and looked as if he couldn't sleep. He would sit there, looking around the room, get tired, but wouldn't lay down and sleep. I slept in the living room with him a couple nights, and finally he came up to the couch with me.
He stopped eating 2 days after the vet visit. I took him back one last time, they told me his heart disease was bad enough that he probably just felt too crummy to eat. They said that if he were a human, he would be on a list for a heart transplant. They gave him an appetite stimulant, but he never did eat again. He drank water, bless his sweet heart, and still used the litterbox...but otherwise just sat in his favorite spot in the garden and seemed to get smaller and smaller. I offered him every possible food he would like and he wouldn't eat anything.
I knew what I had to do for him, but was absolutely TORMENTED by the decision. I stopped eating, took off of work, and as much as I could laid on a blanket outside with him trying to get in as much time as I possibly could. He would look up at me once in a while and then try to sleep.
It is absolute torture to watch something that you love so much just slowly wither away and die in front of you. And to have to be the one to make the decision that completely contradicts what I want...all I want is to have him in my life forever, yet I'm the one that has to decide to end his life.
I arranged for the vet to come to our house on Friday 4/23. The agreement was that if he ate by then, I could cancel. He never ate. I picked him up from his favorite spot, and they euthanized him outside, where he wanted to be. I held his head, paws, arms, and kissed him 1,000 times on his precious little head as he died.
I hate this, the pain doesn't go away. He is buried in his exact favorite spot in the garden. I miss him every minute! I just went back to work, and find myself fighting back tears throughout the day.
Anyway, thanks to all of you for all that you've written in these forums. The only thing that I find has helped so far is knowing that there are other people out there who love their pets as much as I do (because I didn't think there were til now!) and to know that others have been/are going through the same pain I am. THANK YOU!

Stew--I miss you my sweet fluffy angel. I hated seeing you suffer. I hope I did the right thing for you. You were loved more than you could ever imagine. Thank you for all of the tremendous joy you've brought me over the last almost 11 years. I will never be the same without you.
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