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Arnold
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Joined: 3-August 04
Profile Views: 657*
Last Seen: 14th March 2005 - 02:49 PM
Local Time: Mar 29 2024, 02:39 AM
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Arnold

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10 Mar 2005
Hi everyone. I recognize some names from last August, so I know some of you are still here. It has been a long time since I’ve been able to come to this site. The loss of my Arnold was (and still is) very very raw, and it got to where I just didn’t want to cry any more. I needed you all so so much then, and I really think the only reason I am slowly healing is that, in those first couple of months, I had all of you to turn to. But now, I think you/this site are so closely tied to the pain of his death, that I can only move on if I leave you behind. Does that make any sense? Even now, just being here to write this note of thanks, makes me cry again.

So – there’s the reason I am writing. I wanted you all to know how grateful I am that you were there for me. I hope I was some help back then in being there for others. There is no question in my mind that having Lightning-Strike to come to saved me from going absolutely crazy with grief. And there is no question in my mind that you all helped me find that road to healing. It will take a long time. It has been seven months now and it still hurts so much when I let myself think about it. I’m trying very hard to think of all the funny little things about him that I loved and I’m trying to keep him in a happy place in my head and my heart – not in a grief place. I am making slow progress.

On that note, I say my final so long to all of you who helped me. And I say to those of you who are new - - - everyone here knows how deeply you feel the pain of loss. I consider every one of us to be special people to have loved our pets so very much. And – you came to the right place!

Good luck, everyone.

Nanci
3 Aug 2004
I was so filled with grief and guilt the day my Arnold died that I had to write him a letter. Please let me share it with you.

My Little Arnold

My joyous sprite –
How I’d come to think of you as a natural part of my life.
You would always be there –
Like the sun, and the moon and the stars.

When I saw you were ill
It never occurred to me that it would take your life.
If I took you to the doctor, he could give you a pill.
And you would be alright.

Only you weren’t alright.
Every day you got weaker.
And you couldn’t tell me,
“Mom, I can’t move.”
“Mom, something really bad is happening.”
“Mom, help me.”

And I relied on the doctor to know what to do.
But he didn’t know.
And I didn’t know that he didn’t know.
And still I couldn’t believe you could slip away.

I let you be taken away – so frightened, so weak,
Because I thought they could make you better.
And they tried, I know they did.
But you were so small,
We had waited too long,
And God called you home before I could say goodbye.

I love you my baby.
I always will.
And I dream of you running with new friends there in heaven.
And I dream of you joyous once again.

Goodbye, my baby. Goodbye.



Thank you for letting me share this.
3 Aug 2004
I'm not sure I'm doing this right - I've never posted on a board or been involved in a chatroom or anything online. I'm just hurting so much I've spent the last day and a half looking for something to help me. I think this is it. My baby Arnold - 11 yrs old, off-white Shiitzu - passed away on Sunday. It was so fast. We came home from work on Wednesday and he was listless, had wet the sofa (which he would never ordinarily do) and had a fever. We thought it was something bacterial and made an appointment with the vet the next day - late in the day of course because we both work. The vet gave him a shot and sent him home. Next day we couldn't get the antibiotic pills down him and he wouldn't eat or drink. Another vet visit late in the day. This time I learn my baby is very very sick and should stay the night for blood work. I'm still angry that the vet didn't call that night or early the next day to tell me how seriously ill my Arnold was. He had autoimmune hemolytic anemia and was spiraling fast - he needed a blood transfusion. My significant other was helping his daughter move so we wasted another hour by phone trying to find out just what the problem was, what the cost was, wondering how we could afford it, etc. And when we decided we had to give our punkin a chance no matter the cost, we picked him up at the vet (already having difficulty breathing) and rushed him to the animal hospital.

When we could visit him later he could hear us and see us but was too weak even to wag his tail. We debated whether we should spend the night but he seemed stable. We called before going to bed that night - same thing. We left at 6:30 Sunday a.m. to visit him - confident that he was still hanging in there since we had received no phone calls. Sadly, that call came while we were enroute. So our anticipation at seeing our baby was quickly replaced with the news of his passing.

I'm beating myself up right now that we waited too long, trusted the local vet too much, should have insisted on bloodwork right away, etc., etc. The flip side of that is that I don't want my baby's memories colored with anger or blame, either toward us or the vet. Yet I feel so guilty right now.

Just want to say that I've been reading some of the posts and just reading them helps already - even though the pain is piercingly fresh right now. Just knowing others have questioned their decisions, have had to recognize that they are only human (still working on that one!), feel the intense ache that I feel to have their babies back - well, it helps a bit.

Someone mentioned in a post that they'd been told their pet would hang around for awhile until he or she knew they were alright. I feel that with my Arnold. We have buried him in my garden. We had our own private little memorial service and cried and cried. I told him it was his garden now and that's what I intend to call it - Arnold's garden. I say good morning to him as I leave for work (I'm waiting for the day I can do that without tears) and I can't wait to get home so I can sit and "think" to him and tell him what's going on in the park he so loved, what kind of day it is, what the neighbor's cat is doing. . .

Sorry this got so long - I just needed to gush out the pain, I guess. And say thank you to the people who created this site and who contribute to it. The short time I've had to do some reading has already helped. I will keep coming back and, hopefully, will be in a place where I can help others with their pain some day.
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