I have posted in hear before about my little 1 1/2 year old cat Bartelbee when he was diagnosed with dry FIP. I guess I just am sitting here lonely, really missing his cute little face. On Monday of last week his disease finally took over his body. For a month I watched him go from wobbling while he walked to only being able to move his front legs. On Monday morning he couldn’t even raise his head. The Bartelbee light had gone from his eyes. It was the hardest thing I had ever done letting him go. Holding him as he stopped breathing with his little head that had given me so many nuzzles laid in my hand. I couldn’t even see him clearly due to the tears in my eyes. Through my grief, and my tears, I was still able to let him know that it was ok he could let go and that I loved him.

I have three other cats but Bartelbee was my special little guy. I volunteer at a shelter and about a year ago 4 kittens were dumped at there backdoor. One of those kittens was Bartelbee. He was scared and shy but after months of loving him he came out of his shell…we truly bonded. I knew we couldn’t be without each other and as soon as I could I brought him home to be a part of the family. I never wanted four cats but I couldn’t be without him.

So many nights he would snuggle up and sleep on my chest with his little purr going. He would follow me wherever I went. All he wanted was to be near me. He would rub his face against mine anytime I was close. Half the time his forehead was covered in my make-up. He never seemed to mind. I didn’t know that a cat could love as much as Bartelbee did. How can I go on without that?

I feel like I am missing part of myself. I have an empty hole in my heart. I was so strong for him while he was sick but now that I don’t have him anymore I feel broken. I lost the most precious thing in my life and there is nothing I can do about it. When he was sick we would lay next to each other with our foreheads touching and I would just talk to him. My voice always seemed to relax him. I would tell him that I wish I could take this disease from him and fight it myself, that I would do anything to make him better. I guess I just don’t know how to deal with this…to deal with losing him. My home seems empty without my little guy.

Am so sorry for your loss and like to express to you my condolences, God Bless you and you Little Guy Bartelbee up in Heaven with all the other Angels

I am sorry to learn of your Bartlebee. Sounds like you two had alot of great times to remember. I know it is very hard for you right now. All I can say is he would have wanted you to be alright. Take it one day at a time. Know we are all here for you.

Hugs to You!!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost a precious one at a young age. I've told others it's so hard to come to grips with all the years ahead, so looking forward to, gone. Everyone here knows what your going thru. I've learned that we think the hardest part is letting go, but it's the reality of not being able to accept that they are gone. I cry as I type this, as I've done everyday for the last 2 1/2 mo. To let go of something/someone we loved sooo much tests our stenght and character everyday. I've been wanting to voulenteer at a shelter myself, cuz I just love animals and would love to be around them, but when I got my Arthur it was the first time I had ever been into one. My heart broke for every one of them. Weeks later I could still see their little faces, sad eyes. I know they are safe and well taken care of, but to see them in those cages day in and day out, well, the stenght in me is gone. I want so much to try and find that so I could help. I admire you for that. Bartlebee may have had a short life, but it was bursting at the seems with a lifetime of love for eachother. Treasure that, as I know you will. Hugs .. Ann

Hi, jharbeck. Please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your precious Bartelbee. Tears are in my eyes as I am writing to you. Losing our beloved furkids is the hardest thing we can experience on this side of eternity. They give us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we completely surrender ourselves to them. So, when they are no longer physically with us it does feel like they have taken a part of us with them to the Bridge - - the better part of ourselves. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make but it is the last gift of love we can give to our furkids - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. There is no easy way to get through this grief journey, JH. There are no fast forward buttons to press to speed up the process. It's a one day at a time journey, JH. Yes, how well I know how empty the house feels even when there are other precious furkids depending on us for their care. I think even the house structure itself knows that one of its members is missing. It takes awhile for us to get our "life beat" back - - to re-define our lives and routines that now carry the sweet Spirit of our beloved furchild in our hearts and memories. Please know you are not alone in this journey, JH. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish I had the words to be able to take some of that pain from you. It sounds like you gave him a very wonderful life.

God bless you

It's been over two weeks since I lost my little Bartelbee. I sit at my desk and look over to the bookcase to see his little oreo colored face peering back at me from one of my favorite pictures of him. It feels like he has been gone for so long. How can it be just two weeks?

I made my first trip back to the shelter to volunteer yesterday. It was the first time I had been back since he got sick. First I couldn't leave his side and then I couldn't imagine going to the place that I first saw his cute little face peering up at me from his cage. It was hard to deal with. The staff had put up a little tribute to him and they were so kind but it took everything I had not to break down. Not to scream and cry for him. I thought I would have years with him not 7 short months.

I just wish he was back in my arms. That I had him close to me. He was my everything and I will miss him, and love him for the rest of my life...

Janet

Please accept my sympathies for your loss, my sister has a cat that was recently diagnosed with FeLV and FIV and it has been a very scary ride. Seven months is so short, it never seems fair when they go so young, but then again, it's never enough time no matter what. You gave him the best life possible and maximized his time here, anywhere else and an FIV diagnosis would have most certainly resulted in immediate euthanasia. I had a cat with FeLV years ago and I crammed a lifetime of love into two short years.

I am very fond of tuxedo kitties, as you can tell by my avatar. I wish you peace.

Sarah

Two weeks is a very short time. Seven months old is also a very short time. If you feel robbed, that's because you and your baby were. That is the part of everything I can never understand.

Your heart is in the right place but it may have been too soon at the shelter. It takes time for the pain to dull somewhat. Maybe volunteering at a different shelter address would occupy you right now instead of the one you remember your baby being at.

Or, when you go back to that shelter remember that it was you being there that started the bond between you and your baby. Being there made him a part of your life. He was there like so many now...looking for a home and someone to love. You gave him that chance and maybe because of him...you may encounter another there you would rather see in a home. Being there creates chances for you and for them. And sometimes, it seems..the ones we lose find a way to guide another into our life..that's part of that unconditional love..always thinking of us and never themselves.

We never know unless we try. You tried by making that trip and the first trip just must be hardest but remember when you go there...that by going there you did find some joy in a precious little being who stole your heart. We always have to be thankful for the time we are allowed with these precious babies.

I have had ones with short lives and ones with medium time and my last, Little Guy was the longest. I never know how much time they have but losing them makes you realize just how precious every moment is and so in the future, it is easier to feel thankful and blessed for however long we are given with them.

You will love him forever and miss him forever but he is in your heart forever and by being there, he can never leave you. He can be an Angel perched on your shoulder or sitting on a cloud watching you but he can never be truly gone for he is a part of you.

Don't give up trying.

I wish you peace and healing. It takes time. It was not fair. But each day with them is priceless.

It’s been exactly 4 weeks to tomorrow that I lost my sweet, loving Bartelbee.

Everyone tells me the grief will get easier with time but my heart still aches for him like he just said goodbye. His sweet little face looking up at me, his forehead touching mine. How can I ever forget something so special, something I have not found with any other soul. It was such a short time that I knew him and even a shorter time that I had him in my home but I am grateful that I got the chance even if the pain of losing him is sometimes hard to take.

So tonight I cry…and tomorrow I will light a candle to this special little kitty that I shared such a unique bond with.

I hope one day our souls find one another again.



Learning To Live A Different Life

He doesn’t run to see me.
Like so many times before;
He doesn’t race circles around me,
After darting right through the door.

Learning to live a different life
Without his physical breath,
But how was I to know he’d have
Such an impact after death.

Already, a relationship’s begun
With his incredible loving soul;
How else could I continue to hold
All the sweetness and loving, He stole.

My dearest, darling, precious friend,
I’ll always love you,
I’ll always miss you,
I’ll always remember you,

I’ll always hold you in my heart.

Emily Stuparyk


I also wanted to thank everyone for their kind words. This forum has been a shoulder to cry on with so many wonderful and supportive people that have gone out of their way to help me through such a difficult time. Your words have touched my heart. Again, thank you.

Dearest Janet,

Please accept my hugs and prayers for precious Bartelbee. What a special baby boy. We just adopted Jasper last week and he has a tumor and upper respritory infection. He will go in for surgery this week after he finishes his medication. Then we will find out if the tumor is malignant or benign. We grow so close to these precious babies almost immediatley. A year and a half is such a short time.

Your story of Bartelbee has touched me to the point of tears. He must have been too special for this world and God needed him back. Though I don't understand God sending these little ones to us for such a short time, He must have his reasons.

I wish I could wrap my arms around you and comfort you. I am soooooo sorry for the pain you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers.

In Christian Love,

Michelle

It seems like just yesterday that I held my little Bartelbee in my arms while he slept. It's hard to believe it's been over two months now. I miss him everyday and still wish I had the years ahead of us to look forward to.

Twice a week I still go to the shelter and volunteer and even though there are so many kitties to spend time with my mind is always on him. It's hard for me some days but I know what I am doing there is important. Maybe one day I will meet a kitty that I share a bond with like Bartelbee and bring him home knowing I couldn't imagine seeing his face everyday. Just like I knew I felt that way about him.

It took me years to find my little guy and I don't think I will ever stop missing him. He was my soul mate in kitty form and even if it hurts to be without him I still cherish every single day I had with him, every memory I have of him.

Janet


Where ever you are I just wanted to thank you Bartelbee for being a part of my family and showing me what an amazing kitty you could be... I will love you forever...

Hi Janet, having to "move on" and live a life without them is very hard now. Dave tells me just go back to doing what you use to do b4 we got him. It's so hard now. We just enjoy their company so much. I'm going to try the volunteer program at my local shelter. I really need to fill this void. I can't join until I go to the meeting. In the meantime I stop by about 1 or 2 times a week. I love hanging with the kitties. But as soon as I leave I find I miss my Arthur terribly. I wish I could bring them all home. I hope you meet that special kitty that will bring as much joy to your heart as Bartlebee did. Hugs..Ann

Janet

You have so many beautiful words and thoughts in your recent post...my boy was named Little Guy..and as you speak to and of Bartelbee...I could feel the same thoughts from me to my boy.

It is all so true. And I do hope the day comes soon when you make that special connection that brings a new one into your home that needs a home and love and has so much love to give..and that it feels "right" to you.

No one ever replaces the ones we lose but helping out their "brothers and sisters" is a way of paying back for their coming into our lives and teaching us so much. And so we keep a new one safe from abuse and their loneliness truly matches ours. It can feel good to hold and hug one again and just know we will form new and special happy memories with this one..but never ever forget or stop missing our special best friend who was like no other.

I'm glad to hear you are going to the shelter to help out. I would not be surprised to hear that one day.....you will look into the eyes of one and know you want to keep doing that...and know any bond that is formed is a gift from Bartelbee...for Angels never forget us and watch over us always.

Take care and write when you feel like it.

Judy

I can't believe it's been 3 months now. I thought it would get easier but some days I can't seem to stop thinking about Bartelbee.

I think about Christmas and how much I wish he could be here spending it with us. How I wish I could of seen his reaction to his first Christmas tree. Or to see if he would use it as cover to ambush the other cats like Ramses does. Or sleep under it like Maia. It just doesn't seem fair that he didn't get those chances because he was taken from me so young.

I also can't seem to stop remembering his last month. It was so hard to watch him deteriorate. Watch his little body weaken and see him not understanding why. It's so difficult to put those thoughts out of my head...the force feedings, the difficulty he had walking...finally the complete blank look in his eyes. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. To see that I had to let go of my little Bartelbee, that I had no choice but to say goodbye. Did he realize how much I loved him, and still love him, and would have taken his disease from him if I could?

I guess the last few days have been the hardest because I watch my kitty Cyrus (Bartelbee’s friend and companion) miss him too. Cyrus has so much energy and tries so hard to get my other cats to play with him like Bartelbee did. Unfortunately they want nothing to do with him. I try to play with him as much as possible but when he playfully runs from me and squeezes under the bed I can’t follow like Bartelbee use to. I can’t run circles under the bed the way his little friend did. I guess it made me realize that I’m not the only one in this house missing him.

Volunteering at the shelter again has help to slightly fill the void losing him caused. Everyday I go I know I am making a difference. I can see it in the faces of the ones starting to come out of there shell. But it’s still hard. Every little black and white kitty I see reminds me of him. So many times I have wished it were his little face looking up at me. But I guess it will be like that for a long time. I guess Bartelbee will never stray far from my heart.

Janet

you said:
I guess Bartelbee will never stray far from my heart.


It would be impossible for him to stray at all because he is part of your heart now and will be forever. We never forget them. We love them forever. We will miss them forever. But we are
thankful they were a part of our lives and that is what we will remember with a smile.

As far as that kitty running under the bed....the best thing I know about getting one to come out and play is dangling a string and letting them pounce on it. Just a regular ball of string like we tie up packages with. Only be careful cause if the other kitties see it....there could be a fight for it.

My 3 cats loved it but I had to drag 3 strings across the floor at the same time, one for each of them cause if I did only one...they would try and get it away from each other..and no fighting over string was allowed.

Just remember Bartelbee is with you always now and forever.

Hugs,
Judy

I love your little Bartelbee! He sounds so like my lost Jacky who slept in my arms when he came in at night and licked my face and loved a snuggle. I too miss my little guy. . .

At the end of this month it would of been the year anniversary of when we made Bartelbee a official member of our family. I still miss him everyday and his never far from my mind.

Sometimes I get sad thinking about how much I miss him, sometimes I'm mad that I had to loss him when we had such a long life ahead of us, but mostly I just think about how lucky I was to know an amazing little cat called Bartelbee. I remember the ways he would make me laugh and how content I was when he fell asleep purring on my chest.

I know how much these next few months will be hard. That the warm days will remind me even more of our time together.
And as the days get closer to August it will stir up memories of our last month together, spending every moment by his side, taking off work, not leaving the house, just so I could be there for him. Of sleeping close to him in case he needed a hand to the litter box, setting my alarm every 2 hours to feed him, watching him weaken moment to moment, wishing I could do something, anything, to make him better. Those moments were the hardest of my life but I wouldn't take any one of them back because it was the least I could do after everything he gave to me.

I still go to the shelter every week and work with the kitties. The staff are wonderful and the friends I have made are all supportive. They all know what an unusual cat Bartelbee was. That he was remarkable, so out going, loving of other animals, playful, very affectionate, and not afraid of anything. They watched as everyday I came in he would get so excited and follow me around waiting for me to pick him up. They knew how much I wanted to bring him home even though I had 3 cats already and that I couldn't live without him. The staff helped me realize that dream and make him a member of my family.

Maybe one day I will find another kitty I can't live without but I don't think I will ever find another Bartelbee.

The next few months will be hard, so many sad memories will want to surface. But I'm going to try to think about the good time. The moments that I will forever treasure. And hope with all my might that one day I will see my little guy again.

A year and a half ago I lost my little Bartelbee to dry FIP. It was the hardest
month of my life. I finally decided on another cat and spent months waiting for
the right one to come through the doors of the shelter. Finally last Monday I
met Thomas O'mailey. A 3 month old, black and white kitten, with one bad eye
from a previous infection. I fell in love and brought him home.

The day after he came home he got an upper respiratory infection with a high
fever. Today I noticed that his abdomen looked like it was enlarged. We took him
straight to the vet and was told they believe he has the wet form of FIP. They
sent out blood work that we get back tomorrow but the vet didn't sound hopeful.

I'm devastated and lost. I have no idea what to expect with wet FIP. Thomas
hasn't been eating and seems so tired. I don't know what the future holds or
even how much time I might have with him. The vet thinks it might not even be a
week. I'm sorry I'm just so lost.

I had such a hard time dealing with the dry form with Bartelbee I don't know how
i'm going to deal with it again. I don't think I'm strong enough for this...

Janet