My sweet cat, Cole died on Christmas morning. Its been a little over a week but I still cannot bear to move the pillow off my bed that he slept on every night. I lay here at night just staring at it, thinking of him.

I had his mother when she was pregnant with him, so I had that boy since before he even knew it! The past fifteen years he was by side during everything I went through, and I absolutley hate going through this now. He meant so much to me. Christmas will never be the same.

I have had cats all my life, but Cole was the first cat that was truly mine. This type of loss hurts so bad.

I carry a lot go guilt with me about his last 6 months. I feel like I didn't spend as much time with him as I should have. I feel guilty for having my other cat, Jack, who always aggregated him. Anyone have advice for dealing with the guilt??

What has helped you get over this?? I feel that no one I am around understands this kind of pain.

I understand the guilt. I was so busy after my daughter was born I realized I didn't give my Molly enough love. Her last two years I tried to give her more love but I still felt bad when she passed away. I'm sure your baby knew the love you had.

Hi, Ann, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Cole. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion close to or during the holidays does intensify the grief.

Ann, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Among the many emotions is guilt / remorse, and these emotions are two of the hardest to reconcile. Our precious, beloved companions know we are mere mortals - - we are not gifted with foreknowledge. It is through hindsight - - the looking back - - that we can sometimes begin to piece together a puzzle of events that may help us to try to make "sense" of the circumstances that may have led to or attributed to the need for our precious companions to transition home to the angels. Your beloved Cole knows that you have done everything in your power to give him a happy and healthy earthly journey. He knows you would have moved heaven and earth if it were in your power to protect him and provide for him at all times and in all circumstances. Unfortunately, though, our precious companions' physical bodies are like ours - - they are not designed for immortality on this side of eternity. When they precede us to the angels we are faced with the most overwhelming task of adjusting our lives to a "new normal" that painfully no longer includes the privilege and blessing of their sweet physical presence with us.

In the midst of all this deep sorrow is the good news that the love bond you and your beloved Cole share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Cole continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will. His sweet Living Spirit is forever a part of you, Ann - - he is forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your time. It is a journey that will not be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months, for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year: to endure. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone, Ann. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Cole with us, Ann. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us, but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Ann, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Ann,

I am so sorry about your loss.
Welcome to this site, we are all here to grieve together and support each other through the hard times.
I lost my baby boy puppy December 9th and still cant's stop crying and missing him every day.
It is very hard to deal with the loss of your beloved pet... I am hoping one day we will be able to remember our babies with the smile instead of tears.
Stay strong and please let us know how you are doing.

Gizy's mom

Thank you all for your kind words and support. Horror rollarcoater is very accurate when describing everything we are all going through. I am perfectly fine one moment, then the next I am overwhelmed with pain.

I have been trying to upload a picture of Cole, but I am having problems getting it resized so it will upload....

I was finally able to pack away his pillow this weekend. I suppose as time goes on, it will get easier. I miss him SO much. My other cat, Jack, is greiving in his own way I suppose. He has been so grouchy lately! He has never been an only cat. This has been such a huge adjustment for us all.

Here is a pic of my buddy, Cole.

Cole and Jack

Im sorry for your lost, my cat was 15 years old when i had to put her to sleep, my guilt is not being in the room when the vet put her down. Its been almost a year now and it still hurts and i still live with that guilt

Ann
What a beautiful cat Cole was! And what an appropriate name for him:)
Nasty guilt haunts a all of us in many ways. It's all part of the roller coaster of grief. Don't let it get to you. God knows I suffer(Ed) from the same feelings you are experiencing now. I have found writing about our fur kids (on the board) is a great way to ease the pain. Grief(for me at least) eased with the caring and comforting of others.
I believe that though Coal is no longer of the material world, his spirit (soul) lives on and is waiting for the day he can be beside you again.
Hang tough nod know you are not lone, Mark (and Bicky)

Hi, Ann, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and these wonderful pictures of your precious Jack and beloved Cole. They are soooo handsome. I can so understand how you're feeling about Jack missing his housemate. My precious Noah is now the sole survivor in a household that once enjoyed the physical company of four precious companions - - including Noah. In the first 6 years of his life he had to experience the physical loss of his three housemates. He grieved especially hard for his adopted kitty brother Eli and his beautiful sibling baby sister Abbygayle. It broke my heart to see him grieve so deeply. My precious Noah is now 9 years old.

As I get older, I have come to understand that time does not necessarily heal our deep sorrow, but it does eventually help to ease the intensity of it. Since we live in a physically oriented world one of the hardest things in our grief journey is adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions. There is a tendency to fear that as time passes we will forget them. Please let me try to reassure you that this is impossible no matter how much time passes as we continue with our earthly journey. Your beloved Cole will always and forever be a part of you - - he is always and forever in your heart and your memories, and his sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jack kindly, Ann, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Cole's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jack are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am sorry for your loss. Cole was 15 too. Not any easier after a year, huh? I was with Cole while he was put to sleep. He was so far gone though, I am not sure he even knew I was there. I know your cat knew how much you loved her.

Thank you! Even when he died he was still jet black. The only grey hair he got was his whiskers!
I really hope I can be with him again one day.
How long has it been since you lost your baby?

Thank you moon_beam!
How long before Noah appeared to move on from his grief (or did he)?

I do fear that I will forget him!! That scares me and The thought makes me so sad. Even now when I look at his pictures, I feel like he looks so different than I remember and it has only been 2 weeks. I just don't think I am ready to look at the pictures yet.

Hi, Ann, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. When Noah's adopted big kitty brother Eli joined the angels due to end stage Lymphoma at the tender age of 6 years old, Noah was only 3 years old, and Noah was totally devastated. The last time he saw Eli was when I took him the vet Monday morning, December 11, 2006, for his final journey. At that time, I was not aware that I could bring Eli's body back home for Noah to offer his final tribute to Eli - - nor was I offered the opportunity by the veterinary practice. Consequently, it took Noah close to 2 years or so to adjust to the "new normal" without the physical presence of Eli. Among many things that helped my precious Noah through his grieving was my frequently telling him every day that I love him and am so proud of him for being the best kitty brother to Eli. It broke my heart seeing him grieve so deeply for Eli - - they were inseparable. Noah knew that Eli was very ill, but being so young he did not understand that the only way Eli could be healed and restored to his former youthfulness was to ease his transition home to the angels.

When his big doggie brother Oslo joined the angels on Sunday, November 29, 2009, due to a sudden stroke at 15 years of age, he transitioned home to the angels here at home. Both Noah and his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle were able to offer their final respects to him, and they both seemed to adjust more easily. When Noah's beautiful baby sister Abbygayle joined the angels on Monday, March 15, 2010, due to end stage Fibrosarcoma, I made it clear to her primary veterinary practitioner that I wanted to bring her home overnight so that Noah could offer his respects to his sister before she was returned to the hospital for cremation. Her PCP had no objections to this, and Noah had the opportunity to understand that she did not disappear on him like it seemed to him that Eli had.

However, because Noah's heart has endured so many losses in a short period of time, his little heart cannot bear the presence of another housemate. In July 2010 I tried to introduce a homeless waif to him through the "matchmaking" of our veterinary providers, but Noah became so agitated and upset with the kitten's presence that I had to return the kitten to the hospital - - who was soon adopted by a loving family who had a feline companion who openly embraced the little kitten into the fold. So Noah is now my sole companion, and because of my age and physical challenges will be my last companion during the remainder of my earthly journey.

There are times even now when I see a sadness come to Noah's little face as he looks out the windows and I know he is recalling the many times he and Eli and Abbygayle enjoyed being outside on their tethers exploring and enjoying their territory together. Our companions DO have memories, too. He used to have three fur family members to snuggle up with come evening time, - - and now he just has me. But for the most part my precious little Noah is a happy boy - - and I do so enjoy feeling his sweet little body snuggled next to me.

As long as your precious Jack is eating and drinking water normally, and is taking care of his personal needs properly he should eventually be okay. However, if you see him become lethargic and losing interest in his family life and his daily needs, you may want to take him to see his veterinary care provider.

Once again, Ann, please let me try to reassure you that you will not ever forget your beloved Cole. Even at my age I can still recall the companions I had as a very young child so many years ago and remember each of them vividly. I promise you that your heart will let you know when you're ready to look at your beloved Cole's pictures. For now, though, your heart is filled with many pictures and memories that a camera could not capture - - and these, too, will always be with you as you continue through your earthly journey.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jack kindly, Ann, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Cole's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jack are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam