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JenniferLynn
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Joined: 13-October 05
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JenniferLynn

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14 Feb 2006
Today, on Valentines' Day, I am ready to post a tribute to my most beloved Freddy, whose earthly body passed from us on November 6, 2005, from hemangiosarcoma, just 25 days post surgery. They say man is made in God's image but it is the dog who echoes the divine, who truly walks above all other beasts of the Earth.

Freddy.
My Life Dog.
From the moment my eyes locked with yours in that shelter, I knew.
I knew you were there to save me.
I knew you were sent to me.
I knew I loved you and had always loved you.
I knew I had to overcome earthly obstacles to make you mine.

The seas were parted and you came home.
You took over my heart.
You are my heart.

You KNEW me.
You saved me.
I needed you.
I need you.
You opened the doors to my life.
You set me on the path of happiness.
You taught me everything.

You were a gift, every minute of every day.
Your gifts continue.
You continue.
I pass through the doors you continue to open.
I am humbled by your Grace.
Blessed am I to have known.
Thank you, God, for allowing me to see his magnificence.
A gift to heal me, to love me, to save me.

I am but a living testament to his love.
I am his love.
I live from the hope he gave me.
I know he sees me.
I know he knows me.

The night is not still.
I hear you, Freddy.
I smell you.
I feel you.
I love you.
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13 Oct 2005
Hi. I just found this forum in my desperate search for something to help me.

I have two doggies we've adopted from the shelter. My first, Freddy, is 11. I got him 10 years ago. It's along story but he came into my life at a time of great turmoil and grief. By all accounts, I should not have even been able to adopt him but I did and he has been my heart ever since.

My husband and I are childess by choice, preferring to focus on our dogs. We are also big supporters of animal rescue and the work of the IDA, ALDF, ASPCA and HSUS. We didn't even take vacations for the first 8 years we had Freddy because we didn't want to leave him (and then his "brother"). Finally, last year, we went away for 5 days but my brother houesitted--no way do they go to a kennel.

I had always convinced myself that Freddy, a small, mixed breed, would be one of those dogs who lived until 15, 16 or even 17.... but on Tuesday night, he just collapsed out of the blue and we rished him to the emergency room. To make a long and painful story shorter, he has extensive cancer in hsi spleen and liver. This type of cancer creates blood blisters on the organs and one had burst,causing internal bleeding...this is what caused him to collapse (blood pressure drops rapidly).

It was a difficult decision but we went ahead and had them do surgery, hoping against grim odds that perhaps it had not spread or the growths were benign. Unfortunately, his liver is covered with spots and although the biopsy isn't back yet, the surgeon said it was "textbook" for malignancy.

They tell us chemo won't do much good.... and that given the advanced stages of the disease, he is probably looking at 1-2 months. My mind doesn't comprehend this--they took out the diseased spleen...shouldn't that help???? They tell us that what will happen is, we'll bring him home and he'll eventually have these bleeding episodes until the "big one" comes, at which time, we'll bring him in and probably have to consider putting him asleep. Good news is that he looks good post-op...I am hoping to see him today, as they told us not to come last night becasue it wouldn't be good for him. I wanted to wait there all night but we had tot ake care of Elmo, his brother, who is confused and sad...

I feel like the world has gone dark. I feel like a body with no soul. I want him home and am wondering if putting him through the surgery was a mistake. I am praying so hard that we get some time with him...do you think there can be a miracle? Maybe he'll live a year or somethting?

It took every last cent we had to pay for the surgery and I am worried I am going to lose my job if I can't focus and go back to work...but what happens when he leaves us? I feel like I won't be able to go on....I can't stop crying now and calling his name.... What will happen to me? I just want to be with my beloved Freddy.

And I feel so guilty....why didn't I see anythign sooner? But he was so normal--he acted like a 2 yr old! So sprightly and lively....then all of a sudden....how can this happen????? I don't understand... And I feel so guilty about my Elmo.... I love him but all I want is my Freddy.... maybe this is happening because I am a horrible person? They say that Freddy isn't suffering... that the bleeding episodes cause the fatigue and collapse but not pain....

I just don't know what to do...I am so lost. I am screaming, "NO" inside....and I can trick myself into periods of 3 or 4 minutes where I pretend it's okay.....then my mind floods...What if he dies while we are at work? What am i going to do with his precous and most beautiful little body? Is there anything I can do? What about healers? I can't quit my job.... I feel like I am slowly being buried.

I see everyone here is struggling and coping....I know my pain is not unique...but I feel so alone. Please tell me what to do.

Here is my most beloved soul:
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