I Lost Her After 19 Years

Hello all,
Let me say that this post will be long. I am new here, and I am sorry we are all here. On Tuesday Aug. 17, 2004 I lost my cat Alex after 19 happy years together. I miss her terribly, my heart has been truly broken. I know that I was blessed to have her for so long, and I cherish the memories. My Alex came to me 19 years ago when I was a teenager. She was an orphaned kitten only a few weeks old. The mother cat and the rest of the litter had been taken away by the county 5 days earlier, somehow; she had wondered away from the litter and was left behind. Someone heard her crying in the bushes and rescued her. She had to be bottle fed and needed lots of TLC. She grew quickly and of course we bonded. I didn't mean to get attached it just happened. We were supposed to "just keep her long enough to get her healthy and then find her a good home" my Mom said, yeah right. I think she found herself a home. When I left home a few years later I couldn't leave her behind. We made a life for ourselves in a tiny apt. despite the NO PETS rule. We continued together through lots of life's ups and downs, bad relationships, changing jobs, friendships going bad, moving 4 times, more bad relationships, going back to school and so on. But, the one thing that I could count on was Alex's love. She would always greet me at the door glad to see me. Always there when I was sick purring and petting me with the tip of her tail. On June 10th of this year I lost my first baby at 5 months gestation. I was devasted. When I got home after 3 days in the hospital Alex greeted me as I lie in bed crying my heart out grieving the loss of my unborn child Alex never left my side. She purred beside me and petted me with her tail day after endless day. I realized that she wasn't even gromming herself. Finally, one day I said to her, look at us we're a mess. I got her brush and brushed her wiped her face, I showered and fixed my hair and we had tuna for lunch. She was my constant companion. One month later I was in a car accident, I was badly shaken by it. As I lay in bed recuperating, there was Alex right beside me. One month after that I got hurt at work I was at home again for a few days, you can guess where Alex was. One week after that the roles were reversed and I was by her side trying to comfort her. I came home on Monday night around 8:15 I was greeted as usual by Alex's meow,I said hello to her, I gave my husband a hug and a kiss and proceeded to pet her. As my husband I talked exchanging stories about our day, she got between us as usual, her way of saying hey, I want to be the center of attention, we laughed, petted her and went on talking. She got up went to another room and started to vomit. Not a big deal around here, she does that sometimes. She went on to do it 4 more times. I was worried, my husband thought it was no big deal. But, I kept watching her and she didn't look right. She seemed to be out of it. Finally at 3:30 am I called the animal hospital. I took her in and we got there and she seemed better. She was alert and all she wanted was to get back in her carrier. She was given sub-q fluids and sent home. We got home 20 min. later and she was extremely lethargic again. I was terrified. I made the decision to go to work and leave her alone thinking the vet didn't think she was in immeadiate danger. I cried all day and left early. When I got home I knew she was going right in front of my eyes. She could barely hold her head up. But, she kept trying. As I lay on the floor face to face with her she lifted her head and let out a huge cry and I caught her head so it wouldn't hit the floor. I kissed her and said OK. I knew that this was it. She was ready to go. I knew I had to let her go. I told her it was OK to go, that I would be OK. She held out until my Mom got there and we took her to the hospital and had her put to sleep. I stayed with her until her heart stopped. I kissed her goodbye one final time. This has been the hardest time of my life. I feel so empty right now, so hurt, so alone. I can't stop crying.
Sorry this was so long.
Gina