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> Missing Him And He Isnt Gone Yet
Murphy's Mom
post Oct 30 2008, 09:35 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 24
Joined: 8-January 07
Member No.: 2,419



I try to remember that he isnt gone yet but still my heart is just aching knowing that in weeks, months or even days he may be gone forever. I think of all the things i am going to miss so much. from his endless barking that we thought we hated. . ha. . . to his sweet caring attitude of everyone and everything. I will miss it all. I thought that going through it before might make this time a little easier but it doesnt. . .does it ever get easier to say goodbye? I hate goodbyes. . . I know that I will see him again on the other side, but that may be along time concidering I am only 22 ha. (hopefully a long time!) I still try to think of all the good times we had, from camping and swimming in the lake to walks and playtime together. It sucks that cancer is going to take him away from me. He is only 8. I miss him so much already and he is not gone yet. It is a strange feeling knowing they wont be there. . .I think this is worse than loseing them so quickly but I cant really be sure. I am so happy to have the time with him but on the other hand to have this horrible knowledge lingering is killing me inside. Is there anyone out there who has gone through the same thing? Its so frusturating not being able to do anything about it. I try to remain strong. . . it is so hard. My boy is so sick and it hurts me so bad. . . . .
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goliath
post Oct 30 2008, 10:35 PM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,153
Joined: 10-January 08
From: Michigan
Member No.: 4,239



My heart sank when I first read your post in the Sickness Section and when I read the second post my heart cried out for you. My prayers have been with you and I know you are more than devasted in being forced to face having to let go of yet another furlove in your life.

This is the right place for you to be. Here at LS you will find loving compassionate people who have suffered the loss of one they loved. LS is a place of comfort, support, inspiration, and holding on to each other. You can count on many to see you through the most difficult of times. Whether here in the forum or when we are away from the forum, we keep each other in thoughts and prayers.

Gabe is still with you for now. Make each moment you have with him count for something very special. Squeeze the best out of each day and give thanks when the day is done. As you remain supportive to Gabe, we will support you with the love and understanding you so desperately need.

May our Lord touch you, comfort you, and ease your worries and pain.

Hugs of comfort and love,
Beth


--------------------
Topics that include Goliath are:
Death of my Furry Baby Boy Chihuahua
Heartfelt Letter to my Goliath
Goliath and Gidget Pics
Happy Birthday Goliath
Goliath's Blessings
Bouncing Baby Browser (Goliath & Gidget's New Baby Brother)
Browser Is Missing!
Goliath Aloysius 1/25/1997 til 11/6/2007
My Gidgie Girl
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AngelCareOne
post Oct 30 2008, 10:55 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,827
Joined: 16-June 08
From: Florida
Member No.: 4,797



Dearest Murphy's Mom, my heart feels like it's literally breaking for you. I'm so terribly sorry you and your fur baby are going through this. You asked if anyone else here has been through anything like that before. Knowing that your time is very limited with your cherished, beloved best friend fur kid. Yes, Dear One. I wish upon wish upon wish I could find some words of comfort for you and sure, there are many comforting things I could say in utmost sincerity. I simply don't know if any type of advice or pearls of wisdom can take away this gosh awful horrible way you're feeling.

Please forgive me. I know I ought to be comforting you. Ummm, please give me a little while to google as I always do find what I'm searching for. There must be something out there that can help prepare you. As for me? Well, I'm not you and what works for me may not work for you especially reading all the pain in what you wrote. I'll also search for videos as well. Please know that you and your fur child are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many Loving Angels to you for comfort, strength and guidance through what must be just about the most difficult time in your life.

I am so very, very sorry, Dear One. I'll go start googling right now and come back with anything I can find which may be of help to you. There is an area right here at LS called "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" which may have something to help guide you through this very rough time. I'll begin by looking there and keep searching.

If only I were like most of the other members here who always seem to know just what to say and I assure you they are all very concerned and sincere. Listen to Beth. She has helped me more than I can begin to say and is so supportive. Bless her and you, too!
I'm off in search of and shall return, Murphy's Mom.

Many Comforting Hugs, Love and Angels to You and Your Fur Baby!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
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AngelCareOne
post Oct 30 2008, 11:35 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,827
Joined: 16-June 08
From: Florida
Member No.: 4,797



Dearest Murphy's Mom, I found two really good sites so far and both say to do pretty much what I've done when 2 of my fur kids were hanging on with borrowed time ... Not both at the same time. First, here are the Websites with actual case histories of real people like yourself going through this and getting the best advice ...

http://community.discovery.com/eve/forums/...58/m/3401948798
Please, read ALL the way to the very, very bottom.

http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/165656
Please, read ALL the way to the very bottom.

What I personally did in both cases was to make my fur kid as comfortable as possible, make sure they never caught me crying around them because of being so sad about the situation. Pet them, talk soothingly, hug if it doesn't cause them pain and if you're one who kisses your fur kids, do that also.

My dog loved to hear me sing so I made sure to sing her favorite songs softly to her. I got on the floor to stroke and comfort her as I continued to speak softly with reassurance to Maiden. I never showed that I was frightened or alarmed if my dog fell or wasn't able to move as she wanted. Instead, I lovingly assisted her. I did all these same things with Cocoa kitty except for the singing because he sure didn't like to hear me sing.

Let me try to remember what else I would do. Oh, if the weather was hot, I'd put ice cubes in Maiden's water and help her drink by use of a syringe when she wasn't able to get up at times. Again, I never, ever showed pity. That's the worse thing you can do to your best friend fur kid be he/she a doggie or kitty. They all have a 6th sense and will pick up on what's happening.

Actually, to break it down since you know your fur kid and each fur kid is very special and unique, you know what things he loves to see, hear, smell, taste (if he will eat) ... Even if he doesn't play with his favorite toy or lie down on his favorite blanket, it's very comforting and loving to have those there wherever he is without making too much of a fuss. They can tell something's going on then.

I'll keep thinking and searching for other advice, Murphy's Mom. Remember what Beth says ...

QUOTE
"Gabe is still with you for now. Make each moment you have with him count for something very special. Squeeze the best out of each day and give thanks when the day is done. As you remain supportive to Gabe, we will support you with the love and understanding you so desperately need."

Beth is very, very wise indeed. Again, I am so sorry you're suffering so much, Dear One.

More Comforting Hugs, Love, Faith, Strength and Angels to You and Your Fur Baby!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
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dobermandad
post Oct 31 2008, 02:04 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 14
Joined: 21-October 08
Member No.: 5,155



Dear Murphy's Mom,

Your story struck me because we were just faced with putting our beloved Deuce to sleep last Friday. For quite some time, I knew that he wasn't going to get better, and that the end was near--but I was afraid that it still wasn't preparing me for that final day and the aftermath of losing him. I was afraid that nothing ever could. The anticipatory grief was, as I discovered, worse than anything.

During the last two weeks of Deuce's life, I tried to make the most out of every moment--as it sounds like you are currently. But honestly, as much as I treasured the time with him, it was also killing me inside knowing how little time there was left. Like you, I just dreaded losing him. I had him sitting right there beside me, yet I couldn't enjoy it, because all I could think about was the fact that very soon I'd no longer have that opportunity. It was just pure torture.

I eventually began to focus on the RELIEF aspect--relief for Deuce, first and foremost, but also relief for us. And it did help. I tried not to let myself think about the sad things, (not seeing him here anymore, etc.) but rather, the important fact that we would be sparing him from yet another moment of pain and discomfort.

As I mentioned, we knew that Deuce's condition was only going to get worse. His health had deteriorated SO very rapidly; and during his final week, he literally could not rise and stand up on his own, let alone walk. He cried at times throughout the day and night, and I realized that THIS was harder for us to take than actually losing him. To hear him cry and see him in obvious discomfort--and to not be able to do anything more to ease his pain--that was indescribably tough. We absolutely hated the thought of putting him to sleep, but the thought of prolonging his suffering was far worse. And with that in mind, we consulted with his vets, who agreed that this would truly be the best thing we could do for Deuce.

I'd never lost a dog before, so I literally had been dreading this day all my life. Again, like you, I came to this site when I was experiencing the worst of this anticipatory grief--and so many of these wonderful people here reached out to me in full support of our decision. It really helped to prepare and strengthen us for when we took Deuce in for that final visit to the vet; a visit that, I'm surprised to say, really was more of a relief than I could have ever expected. Deuce was ready, and he made it abundantly clear that he found complete comfort and peace in those final moments--which also comforted US tremendously.

I don't mean to suggest that euthanasia is the best option for your beloved friend just yet--only that I too have just gone through almost exactly what you described. And I can tell you that what I feared and dreaded about that decision was NOT to be feared and dreaded after all; instead, it actually helped to begin the healing--almost immediately. You've already begun down the right path by reaching out and opening up to those who've experienced this saddest, most stressful of times. It will certainly help in the long run. In the meantime, I wish you and yours the absolute best throughout this ordeal. Stay strong, and try to focus not on the sadness of losing a beloved pet, but on the sincere relief of knowing that soon his pain will be gone forever.

Best wishes,
Richard
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moon_beam
post Nov 1 2008, 03:19 PM
Post #6


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Murphy's Mom. What you are experiencing is called Anticipatory Grief. This is very unique because we know our physical time with our beloved companion is very limited but we are still blessed with their precious company. We are never prepared to lose them for we are hoping for just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one more lifetime with them. Does it ever get easier to say good bye? No - - but then it isn't supposed to because they have given us their undivided attention and unconditional love to us and we have surrendered ourselves to them completely without reservation. When we lose our beloved companions it is as bad as, if not worse than, losing a human family member or friend. The grief journey is identical. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone in your journey - - now or then. We are here for you for as long long and as often as you need us, Murphy's Mom. It is a one day at time journey that cannot be rushed, but one that you will not have to travel alone. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Murphy's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Zita'sMom
post Nov 2 2008, 01:24 AM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 433
Joined: 11-November 07
Member No.: 3,938



Murphy's Mom

I posted to you on my thread about Zita and Ziggy.

You are in my thoughts.

Jan.
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ann
post Nov 3 2008, 02:17 AM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 650
Joined: 8-July 08
From: Mass
Member No.: 4,838



I hope time will give you the strength to let him go when it's right. All the prepartion in the world won't lessen the hurt, but you are given time. For that I'm happy for you as you can decide how you would want the last day to go. When we see them sick and/or suffering, our only focus is on their comfort even if means to say good-bye. The hardest part is them not being there. You said you are 22. You have a lot of years ahead of you, a lot of life changes to keep you occupied. That will help..you're in my thoughts and prayers.. Ann
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Casey's Mom
post Nov 3 2008, 05:34 PM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 20
Joined: 28-October 08
From: GA
Member No.: 5,200



Murphy's Mom ... I'll keep you in my prayers.

Take care ...
Lisa
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Murphy's Mom
post Nov 3 2008, 11:38 PM
Post #10





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 24
Joined: 8-January 07
Member No.: 2,419



I read what all of you have said and yes, the anticipation of losing him is killing me and not only me but all in my family. At first the " But hes isnt gone yet . . ." enters your head and you feel a little better but then then " but he is dying" starts and its painful to watch him. I know he is slowing giving in to the cancer. He doesnt play anymore, he doesnt eat much and tonight on the couch when my other young dog began to bark at the door. . .he did not even lift his head. It kills me to see him like this. I have lost two other pets, one to old age and the other to random and very fast illness. I have never had to wait so long to grieve and move on. It is like being stuck and I know it sounds so selfish but you want to move on almost. . . you want to try to grieve and miss him, but on the other hand you do not want thim to go. You dont want him to die. It is so hard. . .And it just is ripping me apart inside. I want him to not feel pain anymore, I want him to be his old self and be happy again. . . and I know once he has moved on and is in heaven with my other two, he will be. Its us that he leaves behind that gets the sucky parts. I want to thank you all for all your kind words and help. I have never experianced anything so hard and so trying in my life. I hope I never have to again. . . .but I know all things shape who we are. . . and some how I know I can use my experiance to help others like you all do. Thanks again, and keep our family in your thoughts, it will be one hell of a month ahead of us.
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ann
post Nov 4 2008, 02:18 AM
Post #11





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 650
Joined: 8-July 08
From: Mass
Member No.: 4,838



I know you don't want let go, and you never really have to in your heart. But when the time does come, in some ways you will feel a sense of relief that your baby is not in pain anymore. When they are sick or hurt, we tend to feel everything they do 'cuz we love them so much. That, I think is where our stregnth come into play. We do what we have to for our furkids sake.. In my thoughts and prayers.. Ann
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moon_beam
post Nov 4 2008, 05:37 PM
Post #12


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Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Murphy'sMom, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers through this very difficult time.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Flossie's Mom
post Nov 4 2008, 06:37 PM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 383
Joined: 31-October 08
From: Raleigh, NC & Hazen, ND
Member No.: 5,211



Murphy's Mom,

I know only too well what you are going through. I lost my 17-1/2 year old poodle Flossie on October 30th and I had known for quite sometime that euthanasia was something I just had to face. Almost the whole month of October I struggled with thoughts of am I doing this because she has become "inconvenient"? maybe she'll be better if I just wait a week, is she really in pain?

Knowing what a trooper she had always been I don't think she would have given up for a very long time but the sight of her little body trying to get around was heartbreaking. I had told her each time she had life threatning medical issues that it was OK to give up.... if she needed to go because it was too difficult I understood. She bounced back each time & never gave up. I know she was tired.... I know she struggled..... but she never gave up. I wonder if she thinks I gave up on her?

I made her appointment a week ahead of time and I grieved that whole week even though I tried to make sure she knew I loved her. I walked her, which most of the time meant carried her. On days she had very little trouble walking, I spent hours with her outside. Basically, it was all about her that week. Made sure she had her favorite "forbidden" foods.... She was on a special diet because of kidney stones & had only 1 kidney her last 6-1/2 years.

Although I miss her more than most people would understand, that week was worse in many ways than these 5 days. I know she is not hurting and my head tries to remind my heart every single day that I did the very best for her all her life and October 30th was the ultimate but most difficult thing that was best for her.

I've been spending a lot of time here reading & find comfort in finding others have felt the same pain, confusion, anger, panic, what if's. I still cry several times a day and you will no doubt do the same both now and when your beloved Murphy has to leave you.

Thinking of you and Murphy today... savor each one that you have together.

Flossies Mom
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LoveThem
post Nov 5 2008, 04:53 PM
Post #14





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 2,171
Joined: 2-November 07
Member No.: 3,876



Please read my reply to you I posted in the Sickness Section. I am so sorry about your boy and I hope what I said there has helped you.

Judy


--------------------
LITTLE GUY - May 28, 1991 - Sept 10, 2007 - Always in my Heart.
His story: Section D&D: How do I stop crying? and also... My Boy is Gone Forever.

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