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> My Sweet Princess Theresa
moon_beam
post Jun 1 2016, 10:34 AM
Post #21


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Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious prince Tang are doing. Indeed, in asking the questions that haunt our heart and mind when we are grieving the physical loss of a beloved companion is a part of this grief adjustment journey. Hopefully in sharing our experiences with you will help you in some way in your grief journey. And it's perfectly okay to "rehash" events as they happened for this does help our hearts to eventually find some peace with the overwhelming task of re-inventing our lives when a beloved companion is no longer physically with us. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us to share with us whatever is in your heart and on your mind - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 1 2016, 10:56 AM
Post #22





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam.

Thanks for the kind words as always. I think I may be grieving in ways I'd not thought about. Trouble sleeping - always been a light twitchy sleeper but its worse now. Body aches and pains, and general exhaustion. It's good to know there are other like you and my LS friends that know what its like to turn to. One day at a time. Thanks for checking on us and your thoughts and prayers. Blessings.

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 2 2016, 01:12 PM
Post #23


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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious prince Tang are doing. There are so many things involved with the grief process, my friend, and what you are experiencing is very normal as you share with us "I think I may be grieving in ways I'd not thought about. Trouble sleeping - always been a light twitchy sleeper but its worse now. Body aches and pains, and general exhaustion." Grieving is both physical and emotional, and it takes a LOT of energy to grieve. This is why it is so important that you take especially good care of yourself, my friend, as your immune system is more compromised now and your energy levels are limited. Your precious prince Tang needs you, my friend, and your beloved princess Theresa and Sir Thomas also want you to be well.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 2 2016, 01:17 PM
Post #24





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hi moon_beam.

Thank you, as always for your heartfelt words of support. I am endeavoring to take it as easy as my daily schedule and demands allow. It all still feels unreal somehow. Tang is being a great comfort. He's even taken to swatting at my feet as I pass by him again smile.gif

Thank you again for checking on us as well as your thoughts and prayers. Blessings.

TT and TT

PS: Got the sympathy card from Banfield tonight which was deeply touching. Still no tears though sad.gif



--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 3 2016, 10:17 AM
Post #25


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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious prince Tang are doing. I'm so glad you received a sympathy card from Banfield - - I presume your local veterinary care provider. I know it is said a lot in grief literature that the tears we cry are in direct proportion to the relationship we share with our beloved companion. But no two people have the same emotional temperament, so this "universal statement" can make people who don't cry - - for whatever reason - - feel "abnormal" or as though they really didn't have a close bond with their beloved companion to begin with. So I encourage you to not measure your grief by your ability to cry - - or not cry, my friend. There is no "wrong" way to grieve, my friend. You are grieving for your beloved girl in your OWN way, and that is the RIGHT way for YOU.

It sounds like you are still in a bit of shock from everything that has happened with your beloved princess Theresa as you share with us "It all still feels unreal somehow." This is a survival mechanism that is allowing your mind, and heart, to adjust to the physical absence of your beloved girl in your own way. It's a natural part of the grief journey, my friend, so please know what you are feeling is very normal deep grief.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 3 2016, 10:39 AM
Post #26





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam

Thank you, as always, for your kind and comforting support. What is bothering me about not crying is that I cried buckets for Tom - for days even weeks. Oh, I cried some for Theresa when we got the DX, evenings walking home from the bus stop fearing the worst, and of course when the decision was made . Not to mention during the procedure.

I can't help but feel this is one more way I'm short changing Theresa. In retrospect, it seems like she was always the "second banana" for attention. I don't know if I'll ever be able to reconcile this, or if I even deserve to. She deserved better. In the end, it's something I'm just going to have to deal with one way or another.

Thank you for checking on us as well as your continued thoughts and prayers. Blessings.

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 4 2016, 09:57 AM
Post #27





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



It's been one week today since you had to cross the Rainbow Bridge baby girl. We miss you sad.gif

https://youtu.be/c-5bMO4nMuk


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 4 2016, 11:40 AM
Post #28


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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us you, your precious prince Tang's, and your beloved princess Theresa's one week angel-versary. I absolutely thoroughly enjoy John Denver's music, and the tribute of his song to your princess Theresa is beautiful.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 4 2016, 03:50 PM
Post #29





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam.

I had a dream during my nap today that I don't know what to think of. Theresa had returned. Not "restored" to perfect health, but as she was on that final week and day. If she is trying to tell me she is doing OK, why not appear to me fully restored? The only difference between the dream and "real life" is she was purring loudly and kissing and and nuzzling my face.

I thank you for checking in on us and your thoughtful prayers. Peace and Blessings.

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 5 2016, 11:46 AM
Post #30


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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious prince Tang are doing. When we are grieving our dreams can be very conflicted. If I may try to offer you some comfort, and maybe some insight about your dream: It sounds to me like her loud purring and kissing and nuzzling your face is her sweet Living Spirit trying to reassure you that she IS well and restored to her former youthfulness, and is eternally blessed to have you for her Forever Dad. The conflict in your dream - - it seems to me - - is that you are still grieving her physical absence remembering how she was the last week and moment of her physical life. This "conflict" in dreams is perfectly normal, my friend. It's your mind's way of processing the events as they happened, and finding a peace in your heart, and mind, that your beloved Theresa is healed in the company of the angels. It is your mind's, and heart's, way of trying to reconcile your feelings of being a "murderer." If nothing more, I truly believe your beloved Theresa is trying to comfort you and reassure you that you did the right thing for her.

Of course I have no "proof" to offer you for these thoughts, except first hand experience knowing that when our hearts and minds are entrenched in deep grief our dreams sometimes are attempts to reconcile the deep sorrow and the many emotions we have during our grief journey.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 5 2016, 03:16 PM
Post #31





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam.

Thank you for your comforting and kind words. I was thinking along the same lines. Although I am trying to move away from considering myself a "murderer" I've been looking for other signs but don't see them like did with Tom. But then, Theresa was always more subtle than Tom. So, perhaps I'm just not seeing them. Like I'm looking for butterflies and ignoring when a "lesser" insect makes their presence known (Ladybugs seem to be the thing lately) I guess I need to be more open.

I guess I was looking for some corroboration of what my dream may have meant and it looks like you had the same line of thought. I just hope it's true. There is still an imbalance around here that's hard to deal with. I still find clumps of her matted fur that she either chewed off or fell off. Silly as it may sound I don't throw them away. I put them on the plate with Tom's clay paw print.

I appreciate your usual compassion, thoughts and prayers. Blessing to you and Noah

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 6 2016, 10:13 AM
Post #32


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Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious prince Tang are doing. I so do understand from first hand grieving experiences how "unsettled" and "out of balance" life is during the grief adjustment journey, particularly during the deep grief. As you so well know from your experiences this grief journey cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, ad day, a week, or a month - - it is a process of one day at a time with some days being easier than others.

I'm so smiling at the ladybugs perhaps being your beloved Theresa's way of letting you know she is with you - - not wishing to compete with your beloved Sir Thomas' butterflies. And I soooo relate to your saving your beloved Theresa's fur you are finding. I also have saved fur from my beloved companions, and am saving the fur shed by my precious Noah. I have several plastic baggies of fur each one belonging to each of my companions.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 6 2016, 11:10 AM
Post #33





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam.

Thank you, as always for your kind words of support. I will try to be more "open" to signs from my precious girl going forward. Ladybugs, dive bombing carpenter bees and all wub.gif

I got the call from the vet today that her ashes are ready to be picked up. I would think that would make this all feel more "real" but sadly it doesn't sad.gif I did dream about her again yesterday during my nap though. I don't remember if she was "restored" or not. But I was glad to have the dream just the same.

I'm glad to know it's not just me when it comes to saving her fur. I just can't bear to throw it away.

I appreciate you checking in on us as well as your thoughts and prayers. Blessings.

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 7 2016, 12:13 PM
Post #34


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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious prince Tang are doing. Indeed, getting our beloved companion's ashes back is a two sided coin: on the one side it can be comforting to have them back home where they belong while the other side is yet another reminder they are no longer with us in the physical form our hearts and arms long for. Just let yourself feel the way you're feeling, my friend - - in whatever way that is, and please know we are here for you to try to offer you some measure of comfort, support, and encouragement to the best of our ability.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 7 2016, 12:27 PM
Post #35





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam.

Thank you for your comforting words and support. On the bus ride home yesterday I was thinking about going in to get her ashes this coming Saturday when I'm off. That's when the tears began to flow freely. Being as I was on the bus, I tried to keep as quiet as possible. But it was cathartic in a way.

I keep trying to compare my grief reaction to when Tom passed, and I shouldn't. With Theresa I had closure. I was able to say a proper goodbye and let her go with peace and dignity. I had none of that with Tom and I think that's where a lot of my issues stemmed from at the time.

I appreciate you checking on us as well as your thoughts and prayers. Blessings to you and Noah.

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 8 2016, 11:42 AM
Post #36


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Group: Moderators
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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious prince Tang are doing. Indeed, it is sometimes when we least expect it that our grief finds a way to be expressed. So it doesn't surprise me that your tears began to flow freely while you were thinking about getting your beloved Theresa's ashes this Saturday. I'm glad you're trying to reconcile the comparison between your grieving for your beloved princess Theresa and Sir Thomas. This also is normal when you have experienced previous physical losses - - but there really can't be any comparisons made because relationships are different, circumstances are different, we are at a different place in our own lives, etc.. Your beloved Theresa and Sir Thomas are two different companions with totally different circumstances, etc.. Just continue to take one day at a time, my friend.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 11 2016, 10:53 AM
Post #37





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Well, it's been 2 weeks today since I had to say goodbye to my precious little girl and let her cross the Rainbow Bridge to be with her big brother Sir Thomas.

Today I went to pick up her ashes from Banfield Pet Hospital. I was concerned about what to get to keep them in, but they came sealed in a very nice glossy wooden hope chest type box. I may still shop around for an urn though. It also came with a nice Certificate of Passing and a grief booklet.

I thought this would give me a feeling of finality and closure, but it really hasn't sad.gif


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 11 2016, 12:21 PM
Post #38


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Group: Moderators
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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious prince Tang are doing. No, getting our beloved companion's ashes back is not "closure" - - it is just another "first without" step forward in our grief adjustment journey. "Closure" was "coined" during the 1970's/1980's by clinical professionals when hospice was first introduced into this country as one of the "5 grief steps". Since then clinical professionals now recognize that the terms they labeled with the grief journey misrepesent the "real world" grief process - - including the misperception that "closure" is ever achieved during the grieving process. "Closure" implies that someone is able to put an experience "behind" them - - to "close the books" on an unpleasant event. But EVERY event in our lives leaves an imprint in our memories, and sometimes on our hearts - - and losing the physical presence of your beloved princess Theresa truly will leave an indelible imprint in your memories of her and on your heart. So, no - - there will be no "closure" - - no putting the many cherished memories of your beloved Theresa in your heart "behind" you - - nor I'm very sure would you ever want to.

The good news, though, is that you do have your beloved princess Theresa back home with you - - although not in the physical form your heart and arms long for her to be. I hope in time you will be able to find a peace and comfort in your heart having her home again with you and her brother Tang.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Jun 14 2016, 07:07 AM
Post #39





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,059
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



I've been thinking about that fateful day when I had to let Theresa go. I keep thinking. Did I really have to? When she reached up and hugged me, touched her nose to mine and I thought she was saying goodbye. Was she really pleading with me not to do this? Saying she wasn't ready?

I am thinking this because instead of butterflies (like when Tom passed) I'm getting dive bombed by more "bothersome" insects - inside with no way of them getting in that I can see. I had one hit my eye and disappear just this morning in the bathroom at work before my shift. And after I shooed it away, it was nowhere to be found - like a kind of phantom.

I can't help but thinking this is her way of telling me she's restless - that it wasn't yet her time sad.gif


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Jun 14 2016, 12:06 PM
Post #40


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is a very normal part of this grief journey - - the questioning "what ifs, if onlys, whys" that haunt and torture our hearts and minds when we are emotionally vulnerable. From what you shared with us, my friend, there is little doubt that you did the absolutley RIGHT THING for your beloved girl. Even Dr. Mills reassured you that her medical condition would not get better. As you described to us in your posts, the tumor had grown so large that she could no longer close her mouth nor was she able to eat - - not even the soft foods you tried to give her by syringe. So the options were: one, to have a feeding tube inserted that would have been miserable for her and which has its own problems to deal with, or two - - watch her slowly starve. I'm sure you totally agree that neither of these options would have been satisfactory for your beloved princess Theresa. There is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Theresa was telling you that she understood that her time had come to transition from this earthly realm, my friend, and hopefully in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart and mind as well. And there is no doubt in my mind that she is happy and at peace with your beloved Sir Thomas in heaven's perfect garden. Don't put too much emphasis on the dive bombing bugs as being sent from your beloved Theresa. She only brought joy into your life during her earthly journey, and she continues to want you to be happy - - not upset, or threatened by bugs.

I hope today is treating you and your precious prince Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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