Regret Options

[CookiesMama]

My precious Cookie passed away Wednesday at the age of 14. She had a wonderful life. She was having leg problems and could not walk on her left leg. I took her to the vet, who said that her knee cap was slipping and she needed surgery. If she didn't have surgery, then the right leg would eventually do the same thing and she wouldn't be able to walk at all. The blood work prior to surgery was normal and there was no indication that surgery was a great risk. Well, she died during the surgery. When the vet called me, I was stunned. I know she was old, but I did not expect this. I didn't know what to do. I did not think I could handle picking her body up from the vet's office, so I told them to "take care of it". I later regretted that. Now I'm very depressed and think I abandoned her because I didn't bring her body home to bury. I hope that she doesn't think I abandoned her.

Sara

[havana]

Oh Sara, I'm so so sorry about your loss and I know exactly the way you feel right now, just let me know if you need to talk 'cause I'm here for you and others that need me to talk or to listen too, God bless Cookie always.
Buster and El Niño I miss you both like crazy, wish you were here, Papa Jorge Buster El Niño

[janika]

Dear Sara

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Cookie. I know how you feel as my precious Noushka also passed away while having treatment at the vets. She was also 14.
The shock is dreadful, as like you I never, ever thought that she wouldn't be coming home. All I know is that our darlings would never put any blame on us. They know that we would do anything for them. Maybe it's their way of being able to 'leave' us, maybe not wanting us to have to make any decisions, or see them suffering any more. I have gone over and over all these things in this past year.
Cookie will always be with you, forever in your heart and soul. She knows that you didn't abandon her, as her precious spirit will find you wherever you are. I found it helped to plant a special little flowering shrub in our garden, where she used to love to sit.
Please let us know how you are, and maybe when you feel able, you could post a photo of Cookie and tell us more about your wonderful life together.
I send a great big HUG for you and your Angel Cookie.

Love
Jan and my Angels and Cookie xx

[Cheryl83]

Sara,

I too know exactly what you're going through. My Daisy died during an operation at the Vets - even though the Vet told us beforehand that they were confident that everything would go well. I will never, ever forget getting "that phone call". The thing that I found most difficult to deal with, is the fact that I never got to say goodbye. But soon after her passing, I realised that I didn't need to. I still felt her presence close -- so one night, through tears, I talked to her, and I told her that I was sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, that I really believed that she would be coming home. I told her I loved her, how much I missed her etc etc. It helped to give me some kind of closure. I still talk to her now. If that feels a little too uncomfortable for you, then write it all down. Write your precious Cookie a letter saying everything you feel. It really does help. She does know that you love her, and as you said, she "had a wonderful life".

Please know that I also understand that it was too difficult for you to collect your precious Cookie's earthly remains. There is NO WAY I would have had the strength to go and collect Daisy's. I would have had a breakdown right in the middle of the Vet surgery. Luckily for me, my boyfriend went to get her to bring her home. So please don't feel too bad about that, it's perfectly understandable. And Cookie doesn't care, because she is right there with you, an angel on your shoulder.

Take care,
Cheryl xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, Sara, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Cookie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Sara, as Jan and Cheryl have so eloquently said, there is no guilt or blame on you. You and your vet were doing the very best you both knew what to do for Cookie, but knowing this in your mind does not diminish the painful sorrow you are feeling now in your heart. Guilt, unfortunately, is one of the emotions that is a part of this grief journey, and it is one that is hard to reconcile because we are in the deepest of grief. All the "wish I had's" "wish I hadn'ts" come flooding in on us, and it feels so consuming for awhile.

And as Cheryl reminds you, so I too add echo her words: Cookie "does know that you love her, and as you said, she "had a wonderful life". Hopefully in time as the deep grief eases you will be able to once again believe this too.

And as Jan and Cheryl have so comfortingly said, your precious Cookie's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you. She no longer needs her earthly physical body, for she is now restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels. She is no longer confined to the physical confinement of an earthly body. And the love bond you and Cookie share continues on - - for love is eternal, Sara - - it, too, is not confined to the physical laws of time and space. I guarantee you that, Sara, - - not even the dimming of our minds with age can ever diminish the love that warms our hearts that we share with our beloved companions.

Sara, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. It is filled with so many highs and lows, ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds. Sometimes it can make us feel like we're going insane. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many things to remember, Sara, is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you every step of the way for as long and as often as you need us. So, please know you can freely share what is in your heart here - - you will not have any judgments here.

Sara, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam