That's what it feels like. Like it's diseased. I don't understand how everyone moves on after losing someone so special, knowing that they're never going to see them again. I see pictures of Zoe and I feel like I'm forgetting about her. I know I keep saying it but I can't explain it any other way. She feels so distant. I don't feel her anymore. I don't feel her in my heart.

Erin,

When we go through a painful or traumatic experience, such as the loss of someone we love very much, our nervous systems get overwhelmed with a flood of feelings. Over time, our brains adapt by desensitizing to those signals. It is our bodies' way of protecting us and allowing us to function, do what we need to take care of ourselves and survive. When we spend a lot of our time on the subject of our grief, we can make those signals more intense and our systems respond by desensitizing faster.

I think you will find, that as you move forward you will be able to feel Zoe, but in a more positive and less painful way, as your system readjusts and it becomes safe again. So maybe, for a while, you will be a little numb to her, but that does not mean your connection to her has been destroyed. If you are not thinking about her all the time, that is a healthy thing. It is kind of like, you don't spend all your time thinking about every word in the english language that you know, but when you need to use those words they are there. You became fluent in the language of Zoe in the time you had together, and even though she doesn't occupy your mind for every waking moment, she is still with you, and you will be able to "speak" her as you so desire.

Hi, Erin. I am so sorry for what you're going through right now and just wanted to send you some love and support.

I think that what Chris said is absolutely right - I can tell that my own system is working pretty hard to protect me from my grief so I don't collapse into a puddle on the floor. I think everybody is a little bit different, but I'm finding that my system is trying to dole out the grief in somewhat manageable chunks for my own good, and that necessarily creates some distance at times. I remember that moon_beam had mentioned there's no way you could EVER forget Zoe, and I believe that with my whole heart.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers tonight, Erin - please let us know if there's anything we can do.

Love,
Terri

Hi Erin,

I understand what you mean about feeling heart sick. There are entire hours where I don't think about Kay, and then I feel guilty for not thinking about her. I'm 8 weeks and 12 hours into my post Kayla life so maybe what I'm feeling is natural self defense as Chris suggested.

I truly wish I had the right words to say but of course I'm only human. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and try to be good to yourself.

We're all here for you Erin.

Shelby

"I don't understand how everyone moves on after losing someone so special . . . "


Hi, Erin, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I just want to affirm what Chris wrote to you. Please read her response frequently, Erin, for they are very wise words.

Erin, this grief journey is not one of "moving on" but one of "adjustment to" the physical absence of our beloved companions. And this is very painful - - both emotionally and physically. And it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, Erin, sometimes one moment at a time. It is a journey that cannot be rushed, unfortunately - - there is no "fast forward" or "delete" button to press to make this journey go away.

Erin, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Erin

Your heart is not diseased. And you most definitely don't have anything to feel guilty about. Our nervous systems just start to protect us after a while from the crushing shock. Once in a while you'll hear that someone who has had a terrible physical accident, like a car accident, say that even while it's going on, they can't feel much (or any) pain. Emotional pain seems to work the same way. The system goes on overload and just attends to the basic life functions of breathing and heartbeat. If the pain were to stay at such an intense level, we wouldn't be able to live through it. It's a protective reaction from eons ago - still with us in our nervous systems. Love is infinite and forever - in both directions. Yours for her and hers for you .... that's be a part of the universe until the universe is no more. This life hear on earth will be lonely ... probably forever ... but there will be times when the pain and the memories WILL leave your mind. Just for a while. I'm just coming up on 3 months without Gretta. While I don't think about her every minute of every day - and some days hardly at all - I still love her and miss her just as much as on the first day I saw her and she laid her beautiful old face in my lap at the adoption event and pawed me saying, "Please take me home." In fact, I wrote her a little letter this evening asking her help in becoming more humble and kind (like she is). It's an &%^ogy I know, but one that helps and strengthens me. You will find your strength, too, Erin. That's a promise.

Gretta's mom