My Precious Ginger

I lost my precious dog Ginger on Wed, Aug 10th to very sudden bone cancer in her front leg. She was only 4. My baby touched me in ways I never thought an animal could.

When she was 6 months old, she got away from me only once. Jumped out of my car and ran to our country road. A lone car was coming and hit her. Her eyes were on me as she screamed and flew over the hood of the car. She landed, then tried to get up to come to me but fell. She had broken her front leg, lost half her spleen and suffered several bruises and internal injuries. The vet didn't think she'd make it but for 8 weeks, I sat by her side. stroking her, tending her wounds, loving her, bringing her food and water and carrying out waste in a washcloth. Her leg healed so well the vet removed the pin. Her hips were badly twisted in the accident and were a constant source of aggravation to her, but she recovered from the accident and we had a bond so tight it was like mother/child.

She became a loving over-sensitive dog, prone to "issues" and sadness even when surrounded by social settings. However, she touched the hearts of everyone who met her. She loved all animals, people, kids, and even her vets. Whenever she got a shot, she would kiss the vet through the process. When faced by other dogs, she was the underling. Being part border collie, she was quite smart and understood most everything I said to her and about her. I loved her so much. I was touched by how many of my friends also cried when they heard that we'd lost her.

About 2 weeks ago, she began limping out of nowhere. First we thought it a sprain, x-rays showed nothing and blood work came back normal. Although evidence of hip displasia was shown on the back hips. We expected that but we still didn't think it was the cause of her pain. Lyme disease was the next thought as she had recently been bitten by a tick. Again, results came back negative.

After sitting up most of the night on Tuesday while she whined in pain, I took her back to the vet for a stronger med. She wasn't responding to metacam or to antibiotics. Another vet on staff took more x-rays. He diagnosed her on the spot with bone cancer in her front leg. (the one that was broken as a pup). He said it spread within the two weeks since the last x-ray and my only option was amputation which would buy her no more than 6 months. I looked at Ginger, who loves people and life so much but has been through more pain than any normal animal should ever had to suffer, and made the decision right then, to put her to sleep. I held her in my arms while they peacefully put her under. Everyone says I was brave and strong. I feel like a coward and that I failed her. What did she think of me at the end? The last thing she did was obey my command to lay down as the sedative took effect. The last thing she felt was me removing her collar and my tears on her face. I whispered my love to her in the few seconds it took for her to pass. I hope she forgives me if the vet was wrong and I took her life needlessly.

I'm racked with guilt, second thoughts, "what if''s" and agony. I can't sleep, eat or concentrate. Friends and family are just as sad, but are already telling me to get another dog. They say I'm one of those people who should always own a dog. I don't want another dog. I'm afraid of the love they give and the loss you feel when they're gone. I'm afraid I'll fail with wrong choices. (I have raised my daughter now age 28. I'm aware of those kinds of fears, just never with a dog). I'm shocked that the vet told me it was cancer and I was forced to make a 2 minute decision on amputation or death. He did offer to send her home with heavy drugs if I needed 2-3 days to say goodbye. I thought that it'd selfish on my part to take her home, drug her up, then cry in front of her for days.

My vets are good doctors. But it just won't sink it that cancer can happen so suddenly and I lost my precious Ginger. Everything I've read on the web confirms that the doctors did all they could. I even read that when a dog is badly ill and bloodwork comes back normal, the next thought of vets is cancer and they're right most of the time. I just keep thinking that I should have done more. It's only been 2 days. Everyone expects me to get back to normal. I feel like my world has crashed around me and nothing matters anymore. I miss her so much.

Sorry for the length of this letter. It's the middle of the night, and I had no where else to vent. It's helped to pour out this long story. Thank you all for caring.