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Sassy
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Melbourne, Australia
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Joined: 27-December 10
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Last Seen: 1st December 2012 - 06:38 AM
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Sassy

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22 Nov 2012
Jedi is my Big Boy!

And there is so much to our story, I don't know where to begin.

He has lived in a house full of female dogs all of his life, so was always somewhat 'henpecked'.
When we bought Jedi home we had two other girls Sassy and Evie and he settled in perfectly.
We were one big happy brood until Sassy my beautiful girl and best friend was diagnosed with HSA December 2010' she was taken in for surgery to relive the pressure on her heart and never survived, we were all devastated.

But we regrouped and became a unit of four plus one in heaven.

And that was the way it stayed until mid this year when our heartbreaker Evie was also diagnosed with HSA, this time of the liver. Evie was 11 nearly 12 mad surgery seemed too much for her, so we accepted the vets diagnosis took her home and had the most wonderful month with her.

Although at the end, I felt like I had just accepted the vets prognosis and not explored options.

So then it was 3' yes 3 dogs as we had saved two pups back around Easter, knowing that Evie was aging and how clingy Jedi was we knew he needed companionship, so in waltzed Poppy and Bella.

11 days after Evie passed, I was away and I received the most devastating phone call from my husband, Jedi had collapsed, he had been diagnosed with HSA.

HOW CAN THIS BE?

3 dogs, 2 mixed breeds one pure bred and ALL with HSA

I flew back, Jedi had his spleen removed September 21st and while in surgery I read as many websites and blogs as I could on the subject.

By the end of the day I had ordered my supplements and a copy of The Dog Cancer Survival Guide, I was determined to fight this.

Jedi bounced back from surgery which was amazing to watch, he had a home cooked meal every day, beautiful fresh vegetables and some wonderful nutraceuticals to keep in strong.

The had found a mass in his liver during surgery that was in a difficult position to get to so they left it. As such we agreed to chemo, we got a second opinion and a referral from on specialist to another.

NOTE: if you want a second opinion, or aren't sure don't feel afraid of offending or obliged to the vet. This is your friend you are fighting for and you need to know in your heart that at the end you did everything you could.

So chemo commenced, we were very excited, prepared and focused. To only be devastated by the news when we picked him up that the liver mass had bled that day and they had found a further mass on his mesentery (sac that holds intestines in)

I was crushed, my heart was being ripped open ... I needed an action .. So we took him to our emergency vet for a blood transfusion. We received a chilled welcome on arrival because we had gone to another practitioner for Chemo (see note above) but after a heart to heart he got it and we moved on.

So blood transfusion done, he was ready to be picked up .... Raring to go.

By this time it is mid October ... He has bounced back from chemo and transfusion well and is loving life with his sisters, we head to a friends farm on weekends which he loves.

He had his second round of chemo 2 weeks ago, all went well and he was back home with no issues.

His apatite has been fluctuating and we have found ourselves paring it back to very simple ingredients, along with supplements.

Saturday just passed he collapsed wheel we were at the farm, I rushed back to city and straight to vet for a transfusion, bought him home late that night and we both slept well.

So here we are today 23rd November, He hasn't really bounced back from the bleed, we think it may still be there, just slow. His gums are pale, he is tired, no appetite but we are in bed and snuggled up to each other.

1 Jan 2011
One of my biggest fears when Sassy passed was forgetting her, forgetting the special things and also the not so special things, but the things I desperately wanted to remember.

Like how her ears did this crazy 'flying nun' contortion where one went up and the other went down, she would then give you a quizzical look with a tilt of her head.

So I started a blog, I don't post every day, it's too traumatic, but I know when I do it's a gentle way to talk about her without the absolute grief and severe sadness that overcomes me daily.

http://thehoundsoflove.blogspot.com/
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27 Dec 2010
Hi all,

I am relieved to have found this site, my best friend Sassy died on the 13th Dec 2010 and I find myself inconsolable. To know that there are others who understand what I am going through is bitter sweet, because I am sure if any of you are like me, you would give up every worldly belonging to have your friend back with you.

It's 4am and after waking I found myself in the same position I find myself in nightly, hating the fact that I don't have my permanent "lump" snuggled up behind my knees, instead I have a soft bag with the last blanket and t-shirt she slept on in the hospital, I hold it a squeeze it willing her to come back.

It's then that the events of that weekend begin to play in my head.

We woke up and were heading to work as usual, my husband noticed Sassy was a little off, we took her outside to get some air and she was all wobbly and couldn't walk, it was early in the morning, I called the vet, none of the vets would be there until 9am, I went down anyway and waited.

It came about that her liver was failing and we found amass on her heart, so we rushed her to the emergency hospital where they have an intensive care unit, it was hear that we were given in extreme detail the extent of her condition.

She had a 7cm mass on her heart and her liver was distressed, from scans they thought it might have been lymphoma. So she went on the drip and I slept with her all weekend, at this stage the plan was get her liver back on track, get results back from liver biopsy and then address the heart mass.

You need to realize here, neither her or I knew the meaning of give up, both of us have been through tougher times than this, my girl had a knee and hip replacement due to arthritis so we were getting through this!

Saturday afternoon we get the great news that it wasn't cancer, her stats were coming back, and by Sunday night her liver was virtually normal, but she still looked groggy and her breathing seemed labored, I asked the vet and they put it down to tiredness after such a big trauma, it made sense.

Monday morning I head back in to see her there she was, wagging her tail and wiggling (her trademark) I spoke with the vet, he said he wanted to do a scan on her heart now just to get a better look at this mass, so I agree to scan and decided that maybe I would pop into work, as I turn to look through a window I can see her being 'dragged' away by the vet nurse, she looks back at me through the door as if to say "please don't go" but I did, I left her.

I get a call and hour or so later telling me that they have found some fluid around her heart (hence the grogginess and labored breathing) and that to give her some relief he would need to go in, the vet said it was a short op, and while all surgery came with risk, this was low.

I was outside my office with a friend when he called to discuss the surgery, I just wanted her to be healthy, so relief made sense, so I consented. he said he would call back in an hour or so.

3 hours later I was out of my mind, I couldn't think, but I couldn't call either, my husband and I agreed to go home ,get changed then call or go straight to the vets.

As I was sitting on the end of my bed I hear my husband talking to someone then I hear this scream that I will never forget, I have never heard my husband so distraught and I knew immediately that she was gone, I was in shock screaming and crying, I was dry retching my world had just ended and I wanted my own heart to stop.

She had died in surgery, that I had authorized and I hadn't got to say goodbye, she would have been so scared by herself before going under, she was alone and I left her, that guilt is with me every moment of every day, the last face I see is hers being pulled away by a vet nurse begging me not to leave, I will never forgive myself.

So here I am, 2 weeks on and nothing has moved on really, my world is sad and empty, I still can't accept that she has gone, even though we bought her ashes home Christmas eve. I can't seem to overcome my grief, it's so visceral that I have trouble breathing some days.

People tell me that time will heal, well I don't want it to heal, I am fearful that if I heal I will forget her and if I not feeling her loss then I am not honoring her existence, her passing deserves a life of mourning.

If you have read this far, thank you.

I don't know what to do, I'm wracked with guilt and I am sad, so so sad without her.
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