Recent Pet Death And Introduction, I am grieving for my 'Tiel Options

[Birdbrain1971]

My name is Michael. On December 31st at 3 PM, my 27 year old 'Tiel died in my arms. Rodney was the first bird I ever got, and I now own 6 other birds. I cannot remember anything ever hurting this bad. I barely sleep. When I do, I wake up every 15 minutes and think of Rodney and cannot fall back asleep. I had a parrot die in 1993, and watched as many of my parents dogs were put down, but this is the worst pain I have ever felt.

I am fairly sure it was "old age," and I read the average age for a Tiel is 15-20, so he did get many extra years...but this does not lessen the sadness, the feelings of guilt, or the anger. Rodney had some mini strokes I am fairly sure this last year. Being in financial trouble, making only half of what I used to make, I could no take him to the vet. I feel so guilty about that. A day after Christmas he would only go half way up his ladder to sleep, and on that awful day, he was on the bottom of his cage lying flat on his stomach, barely able to hold his head up. I removed him from his cage, wrapped him in a warm towel, and held him against my chest gently, scratching his head and chest. I felt him stop breathing in my hands, and instantly cried nonstop for 5 hours, cradling his body. After much research, I had him cremated on Monday and he now sits in an urn in my living room so he can still be "with" the other birds and me.

Can anyone offer any advice on how to ease the pain? Every little thing reminds me of Rodney. I see a treat he liked in the pantry and I cry. I see the year a movie was released and I think "he was alive then." I think of the date today and think "ha was alive a week ago at this time." I am going out of my mind. Life has been very stressful enough the last 3 years, and now this is what is likely to send me over the edge. Can anyone offer and advice on how to cope?

I am glad I found this forum....I know how bad a pet loss can be. Some people I talk to tell me "it was just a pet," but they are sooooo wrong. I know I, like others on this site, accept nothing less than pets as member of the family.

Michael Schmuldt

[moon_beam]

Hi, Michael, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Rodney. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Michael, I hope you will be able to find some peace in your heart that your beloved Rodney is eternally grateful to you for all the love and care you gave to him during his earthly journey. Our companions accept us for who we are - - they do not care what we look like, our financial wealth - - or lack thereof, where we live, our social status, or anything else that society in general and specific people in our lives think are important. All they want from us is our total devotion and to take care of them to the very best of our ability. Your beloved Rodney knows you would move heaven and earth to give him a happy and healthy earthly journey. Birds get very easily stressed when it comes to medical iintervention. Your beloved Rodney joined the angels in the place he loved the most - - his home in the loving arms of his Forever Dad. His sweet Living Spirit is now forever with you in your heart and your memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. So please try to let your heart and mind find some peace.

I also wish to offer you reassurance that what you are going through in your grief journey is very normal. Right now you are feeling the deepest sorrow in your heart that we will know on this side of eternity. This journey is not one of "getting over" our grief but rather one of adjustment to our beloved companions' physical absence. This is both physically and emotionally painful. There are so many different emotions we experience during this grief journey that seem to overwhelm us sometimes all at once. This grief journey is frequently referred to as horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately there is no fast forward button to press to speed up the process or delete button to make the grief journey totally disappear. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. But I assure you, Michael, one day when you least expect it you will find the deep grief easing, and you will be able to smile again when you think of your beloved Rodney.

But for now, Michael, it is important that you surround yourself with people who are supportive and who will offer you comfort and encouragement in your journey. Even though clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as traumatic, if not more so, as the physical loss of a human family member or friend, our society in general does not. I am so sorry you have heard the words "it's just a pet" - - for this is totally insensitive which you do not need to have to deal with. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here where we can come to be among people who truly do understand. Michael, please know you are among friends here and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Michael, thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Rodney with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you are ready. I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you here will bring some hope, encouragement, support, and comfort to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Michael, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[BonniesMom]

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief over our pets is so painful because of the great love we shared with them. They made our lives so much better. Hoping you will begin to feel better soon.

[Birdbrain1971]

Thank you for your replies about Rodney and my grief. It has been the longest week of my life it seems. Every little thing reminds me of him. It still seems like a nightmare to me, that I will wake up and it will all be a bad dream. But I know that's not the case. I will definitely post photos of Rodney as soon as I am able to look at them, I promise.

[fcbruno]

Hi Michael

So sorry to learn of Rodney leaving this earthly world. I believe he is still around you, fluttering his wings and making sure you are okay. He would want you to take time out where possible and think of the happy times you shared together. Those moments, those days, weeks and many years you spent together are the spice of your memories that will never stop yielding such wonderful experiences you shared together. All those times he made you smile...they will not go away.

With the unbelievable sadness of the passing of a loved one, I think many peoples' first feelings is that of a sudden wedge or eternal distance planted between the hearts and souls of themselves and their loved ones. However, I believe that this is only a temporary veil constructed by nature to make you adjust pretty quickly to the new circumstances...but soon that veil falls away like a curtain and you'll find that all those wonderful happy memories of Rodney truly haven't gone away. They're right there. They've never gone away. In fact, his heart and soul become invested in you.

Grief is a necessary storm we have to ride out, but there is so much deep, spiritual nourishment to be had once we come to terms with the passing of our loved ones. While there are those who cruelly say 'only a pet' (I've been on the receiving end of that also), they won't experience the deep fulfillment you will receive from your blessed Rodney's spirit carrying on within you. His life energy is now in you. So, while all seems bleak for now, just have faith that a brighter day lies ahead in the not-too distant future. Rodney would want it that way for you.

Take care and God Bless

Peter