Forgiving

I had a cat named Jazz. He was never let outside because I didn't want him to get hurt, and we live by a well-travelled road. Anyway, Jazz wanted nothing more than to be outside. When my daughter brought him home, he had never been let into a home. One day my grandson was about to leave. He held the door open as he waited for his parents to leave. Before I could ask him to close the door, Jazz was racing out. We looked for my boy for an hour, but he was hard to see as it was night and he was a dark grey and black striped tiger/tabby. The next morning I had to get my car to the repair shop to be fixed. I looked for my baby, but I had to hurry as my husband had to get to work. I followed my husband in his truck so he could take me back home. On the way to the shop, I saw something roll under my husband's truck. I thought it was a tire shred from a truck. When I went by it, I saw that it was a cat. I couldn't stop as I didn't know where the shop was at so I had to follow my husband We dropped the car off; I told my husband what happened and we sped back to the spot. I knew it was a cat; I just didn't know it was mine. We got there, and I made my husband go look because by this time, I was fearful that it might be my cat. Well, it was. I broke down sobbing. My husband said that it died immediately. I don't want to go into the why's of why he said that. He drove me home, and all I could do was play the whole scene over and over again in my mind. My husband went back to get the get as I couldn't take seeing my sweet baby Jazz dead. When I got home, I stayed in bed for a week. I felt so guilty; I hated myself. I posted a message about Jazz's visits that healed me. Now, I have fond, sweet, and bittersweet memories of my baby boy Jazz. I did not have him long enough. I still can't bring myself to get another; though in time I might; I'm just not ready to do so. I know that my baby forgave me and let me know he loved me by his visits. Thank you for letting me share, on this, his near anniversary of the time he passed.