Serenity, I lost my pretty girl Options

[sliverck]

Hi everyone,

I lost my Maine Coon named Serenity suddenly on Tuesday and I'm having a very very hard time getting over it. After getting my first place and being alone when I got home from work I decided I wanted a pet to come home to. I've always wanted a Maine Coon so I found a breeder and picked the most adorable female they had. The breeder was around 45 minutes away and I got to hear her cry the entire way home, and it's been love every one of the 11 years since. She was sort of a pain in the butt but she matched my personality perfectly. I called her my pretty girl and a diva, she would only let you pet her for a short period of time. Sometimes you would barely see her unless she decided to grace you with her presence. Just this past year or so she had become a little more outgoing, I've been wondering if that was a sign.

This year was very busy for me. In the summer I got very sick and was in the hospital for a couple weeks. A month after that I was married and off to a 12 day honeymoon. I hadn't noticed anything wrong with her until we got back, she was getting really skinny. We made plans to take her to the vet but weren't overly concerned since she was acting like normal, running around and letting us pet and play with her. It was Tuesday that we found her inside the cat condo not moving much and breathing very heavily. We took her to the vet immediately where x-rays revealed a large malignant mass and a bronchial infection in her lungs. The vet put her on oxygen but told us it wasn't good as her lungs were only functioning at 40%. The vet put her on steroids and a bronchodilator, he said he would do that every 4 hours so my wife took me to work and she went home. She came back to check on her after 4 hours and the vet said she was getting worse. She picked me up to go back to the vet but we didn't make it there in time, she passed away with neither of us there. That's what kills me, I wasn't there for her and all I can remember is how scared she was. Over and over in my head I think of all the things I could have done differently. It's tearing away at me, I feel like I don't want to be in a world without her. Obviously I knew this would happen one day, but 11 years was not enough time. I loved her so much and I don't know what I can do to get over her passing.

[LittleGirl's...]

Dear Serenity's Dad,

I am so very sorry about the heartbreaking physical loss of your precious Serenity! There is nothing like this raw grief.

Please keep in mind that guilt is an automatic part of grief and it has not due to anything that you did wrong. Serenity does not want you feeling an ounce of guilt. You have been a wonderful Dad. There are ALWAYS so many things we think back on and wish we had done differently. But please remember that it's humanly impossible for us to be as perfect as we think we "should" be. And Serenity knows this! She wants you to be gentle on yourself.

She is just fine, and in bliss, in the realm she's in and you'll be fully reunited when it is your time.

One day, possibly sooner than later, Serenity may guide you and your wife to some needy kitty who needs you. I am sure Serenity will feel honored that you are helping and loving another lucky kitty.

Please check in when you get a chance!

Thinking of you and your wife at this very, very difficult time!

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, sliverck, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Serenity. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Sliverck, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. As our forum friend Kathy has so comfortingly shared with you, grief / remorse is one of the emotions we ALL experience, and it is one of the hardest of the grief emotions to reconcile because it comes from looking back and trying to make sense of all the things that we didn't understand when they were happening. Our minds and hearts become tortured by all the whys, what ifs, and if onlys that grip us when we are already emotionally vulnerable. Your beloved Serenity KNOWS that you love her and would move heaven and earth to give her a happy, healthy earthly journey, and she wants YOU to be happy now as you continue your earthly journey.

But like us here on this forum, your beloved Serenity knows this will take time - - for this grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. The good news is that in the midst of this painful grief, the love bond you and your beloved Serenity share is eternal - - for love is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Serenity's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Sliverck, I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Serenity with us. Perhaps sometime you will want to share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam