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> What Can I Do?, How can I make this easier?
spazjen27
post Jul 2 2004, 05:22 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1
Joined: 2-July 04
Member No.: 389



My cat, Rocko, passed just four days ago, on Sunday the 27th. He would have been 8 in August. He was so affectionate, and so beautiful, and so smart.

He's never been the picture of health, as he was rather obese (which just made him more fun to hug), but was never sick until very recently. Thinking back now, even just 2 months ago he seemed perfectly fine. He was my best friend and helped me through all my worst times, and now I am at a loss. I feel as though nothing has any meaning for me anymore without being able to tell him about it. Before, when I was upset, I would always cry to him, and he ALWAYS made me feel better. And now, when I honestly feel like I have nothing left to lose, I can't hold him, and I can't feel better. I guess the best way to put it is this - my first step to feeling better after anything, whether it be a death, or an injury, or a breakup, or even just a bad day, has always been to spend time with my kitty. He was the source of my comfort, and is now the source of my grief. What can I do to feel better?

Thank you for your time.

Jenna
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karen424
post Jul 2 2004, 06:55 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 176
Joined: 19-June 04
From: Maryland
Member No.: 375



Jenna,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can see that Rocko was very loved. And I know that this is the most difficult time in your life not having him with you. I know people have probably told you that time heals all wounds - and they are right, but know that you have a place to come to when the emptiness and grief seem overwhelming. All of us here totally understand your pain and we're here to help you through it. I just lost my baby Buster two weeks ago today. Just cry and let it out - surround yourself around people that understand what you're going through and please don't let anyone that doesn't understand try and rush you. Your Rocko will always be with you in spirit and one day we will all be joined together once again with those we have lost. I started collecting pictures of Buster and I'm making a collage. You may want to do something like that for Rocko, or write a poem or tribute of some kind. Those kinds of things help.

Take care, God Bless,
Love,
Karen


--------------------
My baby boy Buster - Forever a part of my heart....02/02/89 - 06/18/04

Max my sweet little soul - you filled our life with happiness....you fought the fight so you could be with us. Now it is your time to be at peace.....daddy and I miss you so much! 01/01/93 - 01/01/06
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deedee
post Jul 2 2004, 08:11 AM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 234
Joined: 23-June 04
Member No.: 379



It is a very hard thing, losing these precious fur buddies. The grief seems overwhelming at first. Time does heal the hurt, though, and you start to remember the good things. Although you want to feel better, grief follows its own course and it hurts, but I believe that it is better to feel the grief - cry, post here, put together a collage or diary for a memorial for Rocko. He will be with you always in your heart and with you in spirit. Don't be afraid of the grief or try to block it. - you grieve because you loved so strongly and that is perfectly normal. When I would see something that reminded me of Oswald at home, I would let the tears come. He, too, was obese and never in great health, and I miss him very much.
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BabyHannahsMom
post Jul 2 2004, 08:45 AM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 641
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Mississippi Gulf Coast
Member No.: 308



Oh Jenna, I'm so sorry to hear about Rocko. The others are right -- it WILL take time. It will help to do all or some of the things they suggested, and do read what we have all posted here. That will help to know that you are not alone in your feelings of despair. We have all been there too. Unfortunately, it's going to be tough for awhile. You've experienced the loss of your very best little friend in the world. We can only help you get through this sad time. Take care of yourself as best you can. Rocko would want that, you know.
Bless you.
Marcia
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gingerspal
post Jul 2 2004, 10:47 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 366
Joined: 18-May 04
Member No.: 340



Hi Jenna. I am so sorry you lost your best buddy. Everyone who has posted in your thread knows exactly how you feel. It is such an empty and lonely feeling. I don't think anything can make it easier, except maybe for writing and reading here. There is a "kinship" here that does seem to help. We miss Rocko right along with you....because we miss our best buddies in the same way you miss Rocko.
One suggestion I have is to get moving somehow. Today I am getting new tires on my bike and my friend and I will go riding--whenever you physically move you can get your mind off things and feel better. Even if it is just a walk around the block you should give it a go! Write down how you feel before you leave on the walk and write how you feel when you get back! you will prove it to yourself that it is a good strategy.

And everyone is right about tears--let them out..because your tears are "healing tears"--the more you cry (especially in the beginning) the better off you will be later. (!) honestly! I cried an ocean--my tears just fell in sheets. It was necessary to move through the experience. One poster here had a great suggestion also that I remembered--when you are really really sad try to remember something Rocko did to make you laugh--some really funny funny thing--your tears will dry up and you will smile. It is not meant to be a diversion away from your sadness but if you experiment like that you will see how your feelings can shift considerably based on the concept of loss or gain. you know Rocko was a loss--you lost your best pal--but Rocko was much more of a gain than a loss--ten fold no doubt.

Thinking of you!
Patti


--------------------
Ginger was part Norwegian Forest Cat. When I first took him in he was a meanie, so his full name was "Gingersnap", and I did not change his name after I learned she was a he.
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LittleGirl's...
post Jul 2 2004, 09:38 PM
Post #6





Group: Moderators
Posts: 845
Joined: 24-March 04
From: Maine
Member No.: 274



Jenna,

My heart goes out to you. Rocko and you had a very special relationship! And it's not the end, either. He is all spirit now and is with you even right now, because I believe there's no time or space in the realm he's in. He's experiencing only bliss. wub.gif And when it's your time, you'll be fully reunited. I know this is such a relief for me. I want my Little Girl here physically with me right now so badly!! And yet at least I'm sure that it's not the end of our relationship and our love. Not at all.

The first couple of weeks after losing her I spent hours here (at this site) each day, and I watched movies, and I slept. Everyone is different; do what helps you the most. You might find that writing Rocko a letter, pouring out all your love, helps. But whatever you do, you've come to the right place and we're all here for you.

Sending you prayers, comfort, and love,

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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Christopher'...
post Jul 2 2004, 09:57 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 10
Joined: 24-June 04
Member No.: 382



Jenna,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Christopher a week and a half ago and he was only 10 years old, and like everyone here, he was my best friend. I think being active and getting out of the house helps tremendously. It gives your mind and heart a chance to take a break and breathe a bit. The grieving process is exhausting, but necessary, and time will help you to feel "better". You will never forget Rocko, but will start to remember the good times and smile when you think of him instead of cry. I feel your pain, as does everyone here...you are not alone. Take care.
Lisa
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Muffins
post Jul 2 2004, 10:28 PM
Post #8





Group: Moderators
Posts: 776
Joined: 26-February 04
From: Massachusetts, USA
Member No.: 245



Dear Jenna:

If you had to find a Pet Grief site, I am very happy that you found Lightning Strikes.....but, I really am sorry that you had to find one at all.

I am very sincerely sorry to hear of the loss of your precious Rocko..... sad.gif Right now, the only thing that you can do to "feel better" is ALLOW YOURSELF "TO FEEL"....... Feel your feelings.......... Cry when you need too....

It has only been five days since your Rocko has been gone.....it is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT AND, I KNOW......WE ALL KNOW, THAT IT REALLY, REALLY HURTS!!!! The pain seems too hard to take.

I know that when our girl Ernestine was put to sleep on 2/7/2004, I was crying all day, and I couldn't sleep, and I was looking through all the sites on the computer, when I came across this one....
And, I Thank God every day that I did!!!!
For hours & hours, through my tears & as best I could, I read everyone's posts (people that had been here before me, and people that were still posting, but fairly new...............)

I read, and I "took in", all their sorrow and their pain ---- I realized that I was not alone in this world.... Although, I felt so ALONE!!!!

Within 12 hours, I started posting, and often times, I felt like I was "just rambling". I felt like I was just typing & typing; not making any sense in the world at all!!!!! But, that was okay with everyone here, because they all told me, "we understand exactly what you are saying/what you are trying to say".....

That was very comforting for me to hear! I didn't know how I was going to go on! I can't tell you, though you probably know, "how bad my heart hurt................how badly my head hurt"....

My eyes were soooooooo puffy, I couldn't see. Other than Ben, Ernestine's dad, I couldn't "talk" wth anyone without crying my eyes out. I just couldn't "do anything...." I was a total mess, and I never, ever thought I WOULD EVER GET BETTER!!!!!!!!
I missed Ernie so very much....

But, all of the VERY, VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE HERE ON THIS SITE, told me their stories -- they had all felt as badly as I felt, and lots were feeling just as badly as I was feeling.
Everyone was always on the "same page.." We all understood one another!!!!

And, "THE COMFORT THAT I FELT HERE", was almost too much to believe....?! I could come here, and really & honestly feel, that although I didn't know anyone (face to face), we were (and are), very, very good friends by e-mail.
I mean, WHAT A GIFT!!!!! wub.gif

Grief & sorrow, it's a strange thing----I never thought I'd smile again.. But, after awhile, I was shocked.... my crying and tears slowly changed........... I couldn't believe, at times, my mouth was SMILING, my tears DRIED.... And, I'd start laughing.....

I started remembering all of the fun times & things that Ernestine did.... "Laughing"..... WHAT A BEAUTIFUL EMOTION, THOUGH I REALLY, HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT IT WAS GONE FOREVER!!!!!!!

Jenna, please stick around and let us all know how you are doing...... Okay?? All of us, we really, really care how you are doing!!!!!

We are all here for you ---- we are here for everyone who needs someone to talk too; because, we know that people are always willing, as well, to listen to us!!!!

I think, that's what makes the world go round!!! I care about you!

God Bless you, my friend!!!!

Love, Denise


--------------------
Our Beloved Girl, Ernestine (AKA) "Ernie-Bird"
April, 1984 - February 7, 2004
***AFFA***
Forever, you will ALWAYS live on in our hearts!
DEPARTED FROM EARTH, NEVER FORGOTTEN.... Love, Mom & Dad xoxoxoxoxo


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." Immanuel Kant

"Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight" Albert Schweitzer
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Solasmom
post Jul 4 2004, 01:47 AM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 35
Joined: 16-June 04
Member No.: 371



Oh Jenna,

I am so sorry about your terrible loss. It will get better, but there will be rough days too.

COME HERE
This is where I have found my healing after losing my darling 16 year old black cat, Solas. The people here are ANGELS They have been where you are and can help you through it.

Tell us something about your Rocco. I love his manly name!

Ariel
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Muffins
post Jul 4 2004, 09:24 AM
Post #10





Group: Moderators
Posts: 776
Joined: 26-February 04
From: Massachusetts, USA
Member No.: 245



Hi Jenna:

I wanted to write to see how you are doing...

Both Gingerspal & Christopher's Mom (Patti & Lisa) recommended, "physically moving"....

After Ernestine was put to sleep on 2/7/2004, I didn't move - I felt like I couldn't move, I felt "paralyzed", so.........I didn't even try to move. Looking back, I should have moved. Even if I walked out my front door & walked for 5 minutes.

If anyone DID suggest that I take a walk, ride my bike, etc.... ------ I more than likely didn't read it, or I didn't "hear it".. Knowing myself, it was DEFINITELY the latter!!

I HONESTLY CAN SEE NOW, JUST HOW MUCH GETTING OUT, going for a nice walk, a small hike or 1/2 hour bike ride, etc.......How that definitely would have really helped me out. I think it would have helped to "clear my mind"... I mean, I was hardly even putting one foot in front of the other.... And also Patti's suggestion of writing out how you felt "before you did some exercise", and when you came back home, writing out "how you felt after"....


EVEN NOW, reading their advice about "physically moving" has helped me immensely; IN MY LIFE, RIGHT NOW!!!! No question about that----
So, THANK YOU Patti & Lisa tongue.gif !!!!

I've read some other wonderful advice here; like: making a collage, writing a poem about your Rocko, putting together a diary as a memorial for Rocky.

Also, going through and reading all of our posts; or, as many as you can or, as many as you are comfortable with.

I remember that "reading other's posts" was suggested to me, right after Ernie had gone to Rainbow's Bridge -- Doing that was EXTREMELY helpful in my healing... After having written a post myself (early on) and asking for guidance, I would then read the posts of the people who had answered me.

Then, "I'd click" on each of their names, (one person at a time), and I would read all of "their posts". --- From the first one that they had "posted", (after losing their "furbabies", or "whatever species of their animal family", who they were grieving for).

I'd then follow "their journeys"; I NEEDED to see "just how you get through this horrible pain", because at that time, I had absolutely no idea!! "How was my heart, which was feeling like it had been shattered into 1,000+ pieces, EVER GOING TO FEEL NORMAL AGAIN????" That pain that I felt was INTENSE -- no different than anyone else who was/is on this site, and grieving... sad.gif I could not imagine how the pieces of my heart were EVER going to fit back together & stop hurting..

"Seeing" how other people went from suffering and grieving soooo hard to finally being able to smile and laugh ----- (even through the tears).....
It definitely takes awhile... Human beings, we are all unique.....and, as well, so is grieving. There's not a "time-table" that is written out....

Some of us start feeling better "sooner" than others. Someone mentioned to me, when I first came here, that for each year "you own your pet", allow for at least a month per year, for healing.

I was very lucky that Ernestine & I were able to spend 19 years & 10 months together. wub.gif I was 23 when she was 6 weeks old, and I was 43 when she was put to sleep. She was my best girlfriend!!!! Ernie went through everything with me..... A boyfriend, then marriage..... A divorce.... (then happiness smile.gif ), and soooooooooo much more!!!


I know how badly you feel, and I really am very sorry, Jenna.

Your quote, "I feel as though nothing has any meaning for me anymore without being able to tell him about it.."

I know that you & Rocko shared something that was EXTREMELY SPECIAL for "almost 8 years"..... Rocko still does LIVE ON within your heart and soul. wub.gif He will always be there.

What did Rocko pass away from?? (only if you feel comfortable sharing)..

I see that Kathy (LittleGirlsMommy), suggested writing Rocko a letter. I think that that sounds like a wonderful idea.

And (Solasmom), Ariel was asking if you would tell us something about your Rocko....
We're all interested in hearing about your Rocko...

I really hope that you will write back in Jenna, to let us know how "you are doing" because, we all really do care ---
Very much!!!!

Being able to "talk to everyone here" helped me so much...... Having a very special connection with other people who TRULY UNDERSTAND EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING...
It's very important...

I hope you are okay -- just doing the best that you can... Baby steps, for now..

Love, Denise


--------------------
Our Beloved Girl, Ernestine (AKA) "Ernie-Bird"
April, 1984 - February 7, 2004
***AFFA***
Forever, you will ALWAYS live on in our hearts!
DEPARTED FROM EARTH, NEVER FORGOTTEN.... Love, Mom & Dad xoxoxoxoxo


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." Immanuel Kant

"Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight" Albert Schweitzer
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