Sweet Sable, released her today Options

[JoanneL]

Mink and Willow's mom
Glad you will be able to hibernate this weekend with your babies. Sounds like you really need the rest. Sable really was so lucky to have you and I am sure she knew it. I do agree that each journey through grief is different and I am not sure about "blowing through it" but hope you really do take care of yourself and talk this through with Sable. Do the other cats notice that she is gone? Are they grieving for her?
Will be thinking about you out here on the East Coast.
Joanne

[Mink&WillowsMom]

I wouldn't say the other cats are grieving; at least not moping. But they're definitely seeking reassurance. Sable didn't get close to them much, physically or emotionally, though she made amazing progress in letting her guard down, slowly, slowly. She was so damaged in the first part of her life, it took a long time for her to let any of us in. Last summer when I saw her lick Rohan's nose, I just about fell out of bed. Once she stopped swatting them, they each stood quietly by, letting her approach or interact at her own pace. Only recently she'd started to snuggle for a few minutes under the covers in the morning -- even that brief body contact with me was something she could do only for a short while. She didn't like to be petted very long, though she did like her chin scratches! Our most tender moments were when I would kiss her on top of her head kisskisskisskisskisskiss and then I'd put my face in front of hers and she'd lick my forehead. The way she showed affection was by purring. She purred more than any cat I've ever known -- purring me to sleep, and purring me awake. The last couple of months I'd wake in the wee hours to find her sitting by my face, watching me, purring. She was so grateful to be warm, safe, and loved, and she showed it all the time. Sweet, quiet, regal, dignified -- she never took anything for granted.

Home from the vet, she was wrapped in a fleece throw that had been on the bed, and settled into a little coffin box the vet provided.
I left the lid off so the others could see her body, sniff her, understand what happened.
Luna walked right up and investigated. Not alarmed, just checking her out. Seemed to understand right off.
Rohan was skittish, but eventually came to check her out.
Willow skulked through the house, belly to the ground, avoiding.
Last time he saw a body lying in a blanket, it was his brother, and I was howling in wild, soul-tearing grief.

As I was burying her, though, he and Luna sat nearby. Willow peeking, Luna steadfastly watching, being present for Sable and me.
The first two days Willow remained spooked. Needed a lot of reassurance.
Rohan, following Willow's lead, was also spooked Wednesday and yesterday.

Today, they're taking turns stretching out on my lap, acting pretty normally.
For a while this evening Luna sat in a basket Sable liked on top of the cabinets. Nice homage, I thought.

Ah, and I didn't mean that I'd be breezing through this. Rather, that this grief feels clear and pure, capable of blowing through me, instead of knocking me over. No regret, no resistance, no sense of it being unfair, or that I was cheated. (Which I felt so strongly with Mink and Twitch.) I feel the emotion, and I'm not struggling with it, just allowing, experiencing. Perhaps because I've been listening to so many Law of Attraction art of allowing CDs by Abraham-Hicks. Mostly because Sable's time in our home was always about simply letting her feel safe, loved, and warm for as long as she chose to stay.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kim, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your fur family are doing. Each one reacts differently to change, and there is no "wrong" way to pay homage to a family member who has joined the angels. I'm glad your precious Willow and Rohon are doing better along with your precious Luna.

I am so glad that you are finding more peace in your grief adjustment journey, Kim. Thank you for sharing your precious Sable with us. I hope that you and your fur family will have a peaceful weekend, Kim, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Mink&WillowsMom]

I know it makes sense to feel relieved she died before she became incontinent. She was starting to dribble, which is why I had the fleece blanket under her. My concern is that she'd let go and it would soak through and ruin my mattress. I needed to get a waterproof pad, and felt this underlying stress because I hadn't yet. Seeing her final decline, I felt stress waiting for the shoe to drop. So now that she's gone, I feel relief. And a little bit bad because I do.

I know better. Yet still a little lingering sense that I'm dishonoring her for feeling this way. Truly, I *know* better. I know death brings a myriad of feelings, and there's room in us for all of them. Yet there's a tiny part of me that thinks I'm not being sad enough, or my relief means I didn't love her enough. So it's not the feelings that are bothering me, but this judgment about them. Does it make sense that I feel a little bad for not feeling bad enough? ~Kim

[Flossie's Mom]

It makes perfect sense to me..... I had a lot of the same feelings..... still do sometimes.

When you have all the care and managing for a pet with such issues it IS somewhat of a relief when you no longer have such stress. I was beginning to get angry with Flossie because of things she could not help at all & she was so cranky about me cleaning her up. She tried so hard to "do her business" but would fall because of her hind legs. I was even setting the alarm to take her out because of the leaking & was afraid of the same thing about my mattress. And you'd better get her out fast! She only had one kidney & had been on medicine for incontinence for 3-4 years already.

I would do it again as I am sure you would. I miss her, I still cry sometimes but there was also a relief for both myself and for her that she did not have to struggle. I imagine this is also some of the feelings you have................ Had you not found her or had a different kind of person found her who knows what her life may have been. You gave her a home with love to the very end & did the right thing.

We recently had a nice cat show up at our place & I intended to keep her or find her a good home. A very sweet cat & very loving. Grateful to find food & warmth. Stopped in her tracks when I spoke to her as she ran flying across the yard so it was obvious she had been around people. Took her to the vet & found she had FIV so had to put her to sleep. She was only with us about a week & I cried as if she had been here a long time. Hated that she trusted me & I had to do that but we live in the country with no other places for miles..... what would have become of her? She surely would have suffered.

So go ahead & feel bad about not feeling bad enough when you need to. I do. I get over it. It comes back but it does fade. These guys just wrap themselves around your heart & make it a difficult journey. They are so loving & trusting. Ask only for food, warmth & love in return. Sometimes we feel we failed them...... everyone here did not fail. That is obvious from the care, love., devotion and sadness expressed by grieving "parents" who come to share their stories, sadness and the love they still feel for these wonderful creatures. Take care of yourself as well as the other wonderful ones left behind who share your home and love.

[Mink&WillowsMom]

Thanks Flossie's Mom, I appreciate your thoughts. Lots of normalizing, validating -- that helps. I was bawling at 4am, so I guess I'm "plugged in" after all. The touchstone truths I return to: she was days away from dying when I found her, she would never have made it off that median strip (too weak, too much traffic), and because I turned around and picked her up, she had three more healthy comfortable years. She was loved, she was safe and well-fed, she was in a quiet home with other kitties that kept her company once she taught them to keep their distance. She purred a lot and laid in the sun. And she got her chin scratched with great love!

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kim, like Flossie's Mom I, too, greive for my precious Oslo but am also thankful that the Anticipatory Grief is over - - that he is finally at peace with the angels. His health and medical issues were totally irreversible, and it was his sheer Will to be here with me and his kitty fur famly members that kept him going, struggling sometimes, but still going. The stoke happened so quickly - - as they always do. I had spent Saturday afternoon with my brother and sister in law, and when I got home I knew "something" wasn't normal, but he ate his dinner quite well and took care of his personal needs normally. But Sunday morning when I woke up I knew he was in a terminal state, and I called his former vet to let her know I needed her help to put him to rest. Some of the "guilt" I have felt is not being home with him Saturday - - not sharing those precious hours with him - - and a part of me still has those twinges of "guilt." It's part of the package of reconciling the physical absence of our beloved companions, and I know my Oslo would not want me feeling guility over something I truly have no control, and no foreknowledge.

When our physical bodies are under constant stress, the adrenalin keeps pumping to give us the strength we need to do what needs to be done. When the stress is no longer present, or the stress levels drop, the adrenalin backs off and our bodies go through a "crash" syndrome - - which makes us feel exhausted and depressed. The physical loss of a beloved companion is both emotionally and physically painful, and this is one of the many reasons why we need to get plenty of rest so that our bodies will have the strength to endure the stress of grieving.

So, to offer my reassurance to you in addition to Flossie's Mom, what you are going through is very normal. I hope what I have shared with you will offer you some comfort and encouragement, Kim. I hope you and your precious fur family will have a peaceful, restful day. Please know you and your furkids are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Mink&WillowsMom]

I miss her.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kim, I know, - - those three words say it all - - the deepest love that we will know for all eternity - - the deepest friendship begun during our earthly journey and enduring beyond the physical laws of time and space - - missing the sweet physical presence that is the very essence of our heartbeat.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, Kim - - I'm here reaching out to you across the cyber miles - - hoping you can feel the presence of a friend there with you -- just with you to listen whenever you're up to talking and offering you a shoulder to lean on for as long as you need.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Mink&WillowsMom]

Willow's showing an interesting change since Sable left: he's been sitting in my lap every evening. Before, he used to spend his evenings sleeping on the bed a few feet from Sable. I'm wondering now, was he keeping her company? The last several evenings he's been parked on my lap. Comfortably, easily, no drama or seeking reassurance, just like he's been freed up now to hang out with me. It's been a nice reconnection with him.

[Mink&WillowsMom]

This morning I woke at 5am to see Rohan sitting next to my pillow, watching me, just the way Sable did. Same position, same distance, everything. I know it was Sable saying hello.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kim, it is not unusual for the remaining furkids in the household to take on "new" roles in the physical absence of one of their fur family members. I have seen that in Noah, and it is both awesome and inspiring. I truly believe they are continuing the role their angel family members held during their earthly journey - - as Sable has told Rohan and Willow it is now up to them to continue what was her "job" during her earthly journey.

I am so glad Rohan and Willow are both "re-connecting" with you, as well as being Sable's "mediator" with you. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful "new beginning" with us.

I hope you and your precious fur family will have a very peaceful evening and weekend, Kim, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam