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> The Firsts And The Lasts
OllieBaby
post Jun 3 2014, 09:16 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 14
Joined: 26-May 14
From: West USA
Member No.: 8,323



Hi everyone, I'm new here. I've shared my life with pets all my life. I've always gotten through loss, but this last one, my sweet Ollie, has racked me to the core. There's something about him, we just had a super special bond like I've felt with no other. I could visualize him walking into whatever room I was, and within a minute, he'd show up. We've spend 17 wonderful years together and now everything is empty. Everything has come down to the first time, the last time and I feel so lost. I believe he has visited me, in dreams and signs. But I just don't know how to do anything anymore. He's in every room still. I about lost it when I changed the sheets on the bed, sobbing because I miss his scent. See, that's the thing. I miss his physical self, miss holding him, miss his sweet kisses with that sandpaper tongue, miss him singing with me, miss being able to scoop him up in my arms and hold him.

He would wake me up when I was having bad dreams, would help me cook, was always there. And then I feel like I'm just feeling sorry for myself. God, it's back and forth, I'm up, I'm down, I'm a mess, I'm ok. I still have to do something with his bed and his toys and the shirt I wore when he passed in my arms.

I just don't know how to do the daily things anymore. My joy is gone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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moon_beam
post Jun 3 2014, 11:02 AM
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Hi, OllieBaby, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Ollie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

OllieBaby, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - with the reassurance that you are not alone but are surrounded by friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions rub against us, kiss / lick us, touch us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from the millions of other people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, scientific studies prove that we literally experience a chemical withdrawal from their physical presence, and this is one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful - - both emotionally and physically. Some of us here, including me, have found it helpful to hold a blanket, a toy, a collar - - something that belongs only to our beloved companion - - when the very physical and literal pain to hold them, to touch them, is more than what our hearts can bear. No, it isn't the same, but it does help to bridge the emptiness during the adjustment with the physical separation.

When our companions come into our hearts and homes, our lives are changed for the better. They give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation and without fear of rejection. They literally become the center of our universe for they are totally dependent upon us for their every physical and emotional need. When they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again. We are faced with the incredibly painful task of "re-inventing" our lives to the "new normal" that no longer includes their daily needs. This too is a part of the painful adjustment journey.

OllieBaby, clinical professionals agree that when we are enduring a very major change in our lives - - and adjusting to the physical loss of a beloved companion is recognized as being among one of the major changes in our lives - - it is important for us to not make any major decisions unless they involve the need to preserve quality and safety of life. Some people in the midst of their deep grief donate all of their companion's toys, blankets, beds, etc., because they cannot bear to look at them, only to come to regret doing this later on. Instead, it is advised to put things away in a safe place until you have come through the deep grief and can make a better decision about what you want to keep and what you want to give away. There is no rush in making the decisions about your beloved Ollie's bed, toys, and the shirt you wore when you held him in your arms as he transitioned home to the angels.

As painful as this grief adjustment journey is, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Ollie share. Love is eternal, OllieBaby - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Ollie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will, for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I do know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Ollie with us, and these wonderful pictures of your precious boy. It is obvious he knows he is eternally blessed to have you for his Forever Mom, and you are so blessed to be his sole, and soul, heir to his eternal love. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, OllieBaby, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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TOS
post Jun 3 2014, 05:08 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 3
Joined: 1-June 14
Member No.: 8,326



Olliebaby, I so relate to your pain! When I get home each day, the first thing I do is put back on the clothes I wore when I held Numa as she died. If I concentrate, I can feel her fur against my hand, and I'm so afraid of that tactile memory fading. I don't know what we do with that key part of our lives missing. Ollie looks like such a loving dear, how lucky you were to partner with him! What are your favorite memories of him? How did he come into your life?
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OllieBaby
post Jun 4 2014, 10:01 AM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 14
Joined: 26-May 14
From: West USA
Member No.: 8,323



I didn’t know about the chemical withdrawal Moon_Beam. That makes so much sense. I really appreciate your reply to me, it’s given me lots to think about. I am very grateful to you.

TOS, I understand completely. I had another sob session this morning and followed Moon_Beam’s advice and held his blanket and kept taking deep breaths.

I figure if I hadn’t had such a wonderful time with him, it wouldn’t hurt so bad. But because he loved me so well, and I have sooo many happy memories, it’s a deep hurt. Don’t know if that makes much sense, I find myself incapable of intelligent conversation these days. Some of its menopause, some of its grief.

I’ve been trying to focus on the celebration of his life instead of the last day. It’s difficult, for sure, but it helps. I also am putting together an album of photos and that helps too. Bought a little frame for my favorite pic. Even found an old vid where he’s just laying in the grass, in the sunny spot, looking up at a bird in the tree above him, tail tapping in time with the music from the radio. He found me when he was a mere 5 weeks old, during a dark time of my life. Took him with me when I decided to move cross country. I lived a gypsy’s life for a while, but it was from he I learned patience, settling down, finding a home and putting down roots. Taking the time to just be. Enjoying the warmth of the sun, the smell of the flowers and to chase the little grasshoppers. To sit back, relax and breathe. To love unconditionally, to trust, to embrace life and all its wonders, to rejoice at the grass between the toes. SO many happy memories. Mostly in the backyard, rubbing his belly or massaging his back. Most cats love whistles and singing. He would always come to me when I did either. Sometimes he’d sing along. It seems the hardest parts of the day are when I first wake up and the realization sets in, at lunchtime and of course, in the evening. The last few years we had developed a habit: In the early evening we would sit together on the couch and I would pet/massage him while I read, usually for a couple of hours and then we’d go to bed. I lived and breathed him. Now I have to try to do that without him, and I do believe with all of my heart, I will be with him again.
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moon_beam
post Jun 4 2014, 12:29 PM
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Hi, OllieBaby, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, when our hearts are suffering with the deep grief, it is hard not to focus on the "last moments" as you share with us: "I’ve been trying to focus on the celebration of his life instead of the last day. It’s difficult, for sure, but it helps. I also am putting together an album of photos and that helps too".

Many people, including me, find it very comforting to put together a memory album, or a video tribute, write a journal, etc., which helps to focus on our beloved companions LIFE and their sweet Living Spirit. No, these "things" cannot serve as a "substitute" for having their precious physical presence with us - - but they do serve as one of many ways we can continue to keep the bond of a "physical link" with our beloved companions as we continue our earthly journey.

Thank you again for honoring us in sharing your beloved Ollie with us, and the wonderful picture of your beloved boy enjoying the serenity of his territory. He is so photogenic, and the pictures are a tribute to his personality. How blessed you are to be his Forever Mom.

I hope today is treating you kindly, OllieBaby, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ollie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, OllieBaby, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Monique
post Aug 1 2014, 02:59 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 209
Joined: 24-July 14
Member No.: 8,373



I'm so very sorry to read about your loss. I understand completely. I just lost my MacKenzie and it's all still very raw. I'm recovering, though, through a very strong fight, as so many more need me at home.

Hugs and a kind, healing journey to you.


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*~ * * ~*~ * * *~ * * ~*~ * * *~ * * ~*~ * *
............................Monique
('>...... (\ /)
/))...... ( . .) ..... (^..^)~ ..... ()..() ..... (<. .>
)
/"..... c('')('') ......." "............o................" "
*~ * * ~*~ * * *~ * * ~*~ * * *~ * * ~*~ * *
_____________________________________
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OllieBaby
post Aug 19 2014, 02:02 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 14
Joined: 26-May 14
From: West USA
Member No.: 8,323



Thanks to each of you. It so often feels like 2 sreps forward and 3 steps back. Friends look at me funny and in a condescending sort of sadness way. I don't feel like smiling or laughing, I have a devastated broken heart and I still can't get through the day without crying. Ollie was the best part of me. My joy left with him.


Does anyone else get stuck in the memories of the last day?

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Vanaja11
post Aug 19 2014, 02:47 PM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 15
Joined: 12-August 14
From: England
Member No.: 8,389



QUOTE (OllieBaby @ Aug 19 2014, 08:02 PM) *
Does anyone else get stuck in the memories of the last day?


If I had to guess. I'd say everyone does. I certainly do. Every single time.




--------------------
Waiting at the bridge: Sheba (1971-1982); Scruff (1983-1988); Skittles (1983-1998); Raffles (? - 1987); Nikki (1987 - 2002); Jess (1988 - ?); Heather (1995-2011); Mary (1985 -2001); Tommi (1996-1998); Jerry (1998-2012); Cole (2001-2012); Leo (?-2010); Horace (2010? -2014); Angus (1998-2015)

Unknown: Sophie, disappeared 1994; Bonnie, disappeared 2014.

Still hogging the bed:
Oni (b. 2006?); Casper, formerly known as' stroppy white cat' (b. 2008); Cleo (b. 2010); Ellie (b. 2010); Ed (b. 2013)

Stray, or belonging to neighbours, but don't mind raiding the food bowls: Stray black fluffy cat, 'Toffee'
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OllieBaby
post Aug 21 2014, 07:25 PM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 14
Joined: 26-May 14
From: West USA
Member No.: 8,323



I'm just so down all the time. A thousand little things that we shared and now its just empty. Watching him chase the 'hoppers, rolling in the grass, sharing meals, the smile on his face as he'd wake up, yawn and walk to me, his headbutting or brushing up against me as I made dinner. The smell of him, the softness of his fur. I will never kiss that sweet little nose again. God, how can he not be here??.
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