Scotty More Then Just A Pet Options

[Scottysbrother]

First off I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes as this is probably one of the hardest I've ever had to do.

Last night my Terrier X Poodle, Scotty died last night of heart failure at 11 years old. I don't even know how to feel, I look all over the internet trying to find ways to cope.
But in every single way I'm devastated, I cry, I'm so used to turning a corner and seeing him everywhere I go, always knowing he was there.
I had just learnt how to give a dog CPR hours before he collapsed, I tried in Vain to do it but it did nothing; and I can't help but feel it's my fault that when he cried out for our help and collapsed that I did nothing.
We took his the hospital where they told us he was dead.

To give some understanding of the situation, my parents are divorced, we've had Scotty for 11 years. My mother loves him so much, she had a breakdown in the hospital and couldn't handle it.
She's devastated, I don't know how to help her as she's now all alone. Everytime I think about it I get sad, for hours and hours I could not get the image of his body out of my head.
I'm trying to remember the good times, but my mind is flooded with the idea that I could have done more for him.

He had been having heart problems the last 6 months, he was on medication and seemingly getting better. In the last three days he was very lethargic, weak, he wasn't eating properly.
I knew something was wrong but I just thought he had a stomach problem, when he died last night; both my Mother and I were by his side comforting him. He lost consciousness fast, but I can't help but blame
myself that I couldn't resuscitate him; he cried out in pain and the people who loved him the most could do nothing.

I am supposed to be leaving on exchange next year, and my mother will be alone; I don't if I can go anymore. I just though I'd come on this forum to hopefully talk to people who clearly love their companions
as much as we do. I don't know to cope, I keep reading things trying to understand how to overcome this pain, this constant pain and loneliness. Anything at all people can offer as advice is appreciated, I don't know how I will ever move on. He was our family, he was a part of our lives that can never be replaced.

[Cheryl83]

Hi 'Scottysbrother'...

My heart is truly breaking for you right now. I can just feel the raw pain and hopelessness that you're feeling. I wish there was something that I could say or do to make it all go away for you. Unfortunately, there isn't. Losing those we love is all a part of life... a horrible, painful part of life. We always wish we could 'fast forward' past the hurt, but hurting so much just means that we've loved so much. And it's the love that we have to try and focus on.

I know right now you feel as though it will never get any easier. I know you feel like the tears will never stop. But trust me, with time, it slowly gets easier, and the tears slowly begin to dry up. We just have to go through a kind of 'grieving journey', which will meet you with a whirlwind of emotions, and lot's of twists and turns. It's important that you don't try to ignore your pain -- feel whatever you need to feel, Scottysbrother. Cry if you need to, scream if you need to... it's all a part of the healing process.

It's important that you understand that you're not alone in this. Now you've found this forum, we're all here for you, every painful step of the way. You''ll eventually get some caring responses from people who have been where you are now -- people who care and understand. Perhaps it will help your Mother if you read these responses out to her too?

Some people find that it helps to talk about their lost love ones. Any time a cute memory pops into your head, feel free to share it wish us -- we love to hear them Some people like to make a kind of 'scrapbook' of memories and photographs -- perhaps you and your Mother could do this together? It might help if you write a letter to Scotty, telling him what a wonderful dog he is, and how much you love him (I'm 100% sure he already knows this, but sometimes it just helps to get your feelings 'out there'...) I know the memories are painful now, but in time you will be able to think of them and smile. Scotty will always be with you in spirit -- and the memories and love you have of him are yours to keep forever. Love never dies.

Lastly, please try to let go of the guilt you're feeling. You did everything you could for your precious friend. It was not your fault. You love him with all your heart, and did everything in your power. Sadly, it was just his time. I guess the angels wanted his beautiful soul back.

I hope you start to feel a little better soon. Remember, we're here for you. You and your mother will be in my thoughts.

Take care -- Cheryl xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, Scottysbrother, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Scotty. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

This grief journey is filled with so many emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time, and unfortuntely guilt is one of the hardest of the emotions to reconcile. It is an emotion ALL of us go through - - the "why did I" "why didn't I" "I should have / should not have" - - and on and on and on. In reading through your post it is very obvious how much you tried to give your Scotty a happy and healthy life. None of us can do anything better than that, and this is all our companions ask. Unfortunately we are mere mortals - - we have no control over matters of life and physical death - - and when our companions precede us to the angels we are confronted with the reality that there are situations where we are powerless to change the outcome.

When our hearts are grieving it is very difficult - - if not impossible - - to look forward to anything, such as you are having difficulty looking forward to what I am assuming are exchange studies. When our hearts are grieving our perspective on what is important changes. We find ourselves asking a lot of questions and wishing that we could do some things differently if we could turn back the hands of time. I hope as your deep grief eases that you will be able to know that your beloved Scotty wants you to proceed with your studies just as you had planned with the reassurance that he is right with you continuing to share your earthly journey wherever you are and whatever you do. And hopefully in time your mom will come to know that Scotty is also with her watching over her and keeping her faithful company just as he always has and always will.

"I don't know how I will ever move on. He was our family, he was a part of our lives that can never be replaced."

Scottysbrother, this grief journey is not about "moving on" but one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Scotty. There is a difference. "Moving on" implies "as though nothing has happened". Losing Scotty's precious physical presence is very significant. I promise you, Scottysbrother, that no matter how much time passes in your earthly journey your beloved Scotty will ALWAYS be a significant part of your life - - for he is always a part of your heart and your memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. NOTHING and NO ONE in your life from this point forward can ever "replace" your beloved Scotty's place in your heart and your memories. The good news is that your beloved Scotty knows the depth of love your heart has and knows that no matter who comes into your life he will ALWAYS have his own special place in your heart.

Scottysbrother, I know there are no words in any language that can offer you any form of adequate comfort and encouragement right now from the seering pain of sorrow that you and your mom are feeling. One of the many things to remember during your grief journey is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Scotty with us, and for the picture. He is adorable. I hope that as you read the words I share with you that you will find comfort, encouragement, and hope that eventually this deep sorrow you are feeling will one day lessen and you will be able to remember your beloved Scotty with a happy heart. This is what your beloved Scotty wants for you. The love bond you and your beloved Scotty share is eternal. Please know you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers, Scottysbrother, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Meadowlark]

Dear Scottysbrother,

I read your story & wanted to express my sadness for you.

I'm going through a very similar heartbreak, as my beloved cat, Gina just passed away on Sunday.

It feels as the the hurt will never lessen. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm haunted by her absence & sob all of the time.

Please know, that if I can offer anything, it's that you're not alone in your grief.

~*Meadowlark

[Scottysbrother]

Thanks everyone very much for the words of support, Its sad for me read them because only then does the reality of him being gone truly hit I believe.

At times I'm happy he's at peace, others I'm desperate to know why he's been taken away from us.
I'm struggling to understand how the grief journey is supposed to occur, I'm having such mood swings; should I just be letting it out as it comes? Do I try and continue my daily tasks
or should I take time off to grieve?

Thanks again for the help,
Aaron

[Meadowlark]

Hi Aaron,

I can completely sympathize.

Grief is such a confusing emotion, I'm not sure where you're from, but here in the US it's not talked about a lot.

Gina's (my cat) death was the first really close death I've ever had to deal with (I guess I should be thankful for that, since I'm 28).

But the emotions are confusing. They come in waves for me as well. I feel guilty for doing anything but grieve. I haven't been wanting to much other than grieve.
Nothing else feels right.

It broke my heart to also read that you are going through some guilt as well. We're told not to feel guilty, but being told not to feel a certain way hardly ever helps.
But know that you did everything in your power that was possible at that moment to help him.

My husband and I were faced with the choice of euthanasia, it was very sudden & extremely difficult & emotional.

In the depths of my heart, I know that all of those decisions and the feelings that I have towards them do not matter anymore.
They were what we (and what you) thought was the best thing we could try to do in that situation.

I can only hope that this pain lessens with time, but still find myself crying as if it happened an hour ago.

I've been afraid that I'll feel like this forever. But I know it doesn't help to fear emotions. Fearing my emotions is judging them.

Cry for as long as you need to.

Take time off if you need to.

Some people might not understand just how devastating it can be to lose a companion. But don't pay any mind to those kind of people.

Even some of my closest family members can't understand how I'm feeling. But that doesn't mean that what I'm feeling isn't right.

Also, try to think of ways to memorialize your beloved friend.

I know that it's difficult to think about, because it means that they are actually gone.

I can't look at pictures of my beautiful girl without crying.

But something my husband and I did today, helped my heart a tiny bit.
We have put most of her things away, but her window bed (her favorite spot) was the toughest thing to deal with because it was her favorite spot.

Well, today I wanted to put it away because I feel like I keep looking at it, seeing cat hair & sometimes fantasizing that she's still there, but it made my heart ache
when I knew she would never lay on it again. So we went to a flower shop to buy a plant in her memory and place it where her cat bed once was. It's a Peace Lily. We knew it was right even before we knew the name of it. And brought it home & now it sits where she once laid all of the time.

It still hurts to look at that corner of the living room, and I don't know if that will ever change...but for us we're still trying to learn how to cope with losing her. And haven't really an idea of what our new "normal" should be. But I don't think it's something that can be thought out. It just happens.


The thought of her being gone forever still makes me almost nauseous with sadness.

I'm sorry if this letter seemed like I was making it all about my experience. I suppose it's therapeutic for us all to share.
Writing this helped my heart a tiny bit.

I hope that each minute gets a tiny bit better. I know that that's the parameter I have to use for myself. But it still hurts immensely.

~*Carey Ann (Meadowlark)

[BonniesMom]

What a cute picture of Scotty! Of course he was more than just a pet. He was a member of your family and a very close friend.

I am so sorry for your loss. His heart failure must have just been too much for the CPR to help, just like it sometimes is with people. I can tell you loved him very much and tried your best to save him. In spite of all we do, sometimes our pets pass on even though we have tried everything we can, and it is very hard to deal with because we love them so much.

I hope you will feel better soon, and that you will be able to cherish and enjoy all your great memories of Scotty without feeling as horrible as you feel right now. Grief is normal when you lose a dearly loved pet and it may take time but someday you can remember him with a smile instead of feeling as sad as you feel today. Meanwhile, I believe all our pets go back to their Creator when they pass on, and now they are in young healthy bodies that no disease or illness can touch.

Sending healing thoughts your way.

[Scottysbrother]

I really appreciate the kind words everyone, and I sympathize with you also Meadowlark.
It's tough, when I'm doing things it doesn't hurt as much but as soon as I'm home or alone it hits me hard.

I just want to know if anyone can let me know their opinions, is it a good idea not to avoid home; but deal with the feelings upfront?
And I've been looking at pictures of him, and writing down the good memories we had with Scotty, but sometimes when I'm alone all I can think about is his
last minutes, is there anything I can do to help me get the picture of his body out of my head and replace it with the good memories.
Any recommendations are greatly appreciated

[Meadowlark]

Dear Scottysbrother,

You know what I noticed? We joined this site at almost the same time. I am one number before you. Our grief must be on such a similar path.
Not important, but it was just an observation...

I don't know about you, but I feel that my brain is trying to intellectualize it all too much. I keep wondering if I'm doing this right. When there is no 'right.'
For me, I can't leave my apartment too much as I am going through some medical issues & I'm currently unable to work (though I'm only 28).
So I feel almost forced to be confronting my feelings as they come, and boy do they come.

I know you asked for our opinions on whether or not it's okay to not avoid being home, but I don't feel like there is a good or bad idea when dealing with this kind of stuff. Calling it good or bad is in a way, judging it, and that's the last thing we should do when grieving.

But I totally understand why you're asking this. I keep asking similar questions to myself & my husband. I feel strange giving advice that it is also hard for myself to take, but for some reason it just comes out...

I also keep picturing my baby's dead body in my mind, we had to have her euthanized, so I just keep seeing her fade away. I can only hope that time will lessen these obsessive thoughts & that they will be replaced with like you said, "good memories."

I've been crying myself to sleep for the past 4 nights & I asked my husband what he does to fall asleep & not cry, he says he uses distractions, he thinks about movies,
the stories he's writing, etc. The problem I faced is that I have lost interest in almost everything, my life is so affected by this, I forced myself to remember a song I had learned in another language a few weeks ago. I just kept repeating the phrases, and since I don't know the translation it helped a little....but in a way I felt guilty for trying to think of something else.

Grief can be strange like that. People can end up clinging to grief (as I currently am, and it sounds like you might be too). It's the last feeling we associate with our beloved friends, so maybe that's why we never expect (and almost don't want) the grief to ever end. I still find myself refusing simple pleasures like a sweet treat or a small glass of wine, because I feel it isn't right for me to have any kind of pleasure in life since Gina no longer can. But deep in my heart, I know that my Gina (and your Scotty) would never want us to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. They wouldn't want us to be unhappy for a single moment. I keep trying to tell myself that Gina's life was not about her death. That was a moment, a tiny moment in her whole wonderful existence. Granted it's the one that has the most impact on us because it means they are gone, but I'm trying to think of how many thousands of over moments we shared other than that last one....but it's impossible right now.

Please consider seeing a therapist that specializes in bereavement (animal bereavement would be better), that's the next step we're taking because we feel the need to talk this out more with someone who can help us in a way we can't right now.

It has to get better, I just have to keep telling myself that. I hope you do too.

Please forgive me if it seemed as though I was talking about my experience too much. I know a lot of people on here don't seem to do that. But my grief is all too fresh to ignore..

~*Meadowlark

[LoveMyMickey]

Dear Scottysbrother,

Your little Scotty is such a cute sweetheart. I am so sorry for your loss.......My little Mickey (Maltese/Pekingese) 14 and a half years old, passed away from heart failure here at home Feb.22, 2011....Every so often I think of when and how he died but I force myself to think of him running and playing and snuggling with us. I picture him being in Heaven's Beautiful Garden , as moon_beam always says.... It still brings tears to my eyes, but it is getting better. I look at his pics every day on my computer, plus the printed ones. His bigger bed is still on the floor in our bedroom with some toys. I still talk to him and feel his spirit here with us.

He was diagnosed with a heart murmur a few years ago which didn't bother him. But as time went on, he would get out of breath more easily and cough. But that didn't keep him from being his frisky self. The vet put him on blood pressure and diuretic meds. They helped for about 4 months. Then about 2 weeks before he passed, he started going downhill pretty fast, wouldn't eat as much, and lost some weight. I was surprised the day he passed because he was having a pretty good day, ate a little, and always drank his water, also barked at a neighbor. In the afternoon he got in his little bed in the living room, then got up and collasped on the floor. I thought he had a seizure, but I have since learned that he just passed out. He was unconcious so I don't think he suffered as his little heart stopped beating. My husband and I got down on the floor and comforted him as he stopped breathing. We put him in a nice container with some of his favorite things and buried him in our flower garden with our other little dog.

So Scottysbrother, what I am trying to say is, everybody will grieve differently. There is no right or wrong way. Things for me have so slowly gotten better....I hope as time goes by, you will have more peaceful days and nights....You are in my thoughts and prayers.....God Bless you..

LoveMyMickey