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Lenny's Dad
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Joined: 20-April 08
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Last Seen: 4th June 2008 - 07:49 PM
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Lenny's Dad

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5 May 2008
We considered cremation for Lenny. To me, Lenny's body is no more him than the bag of fluff we have in the cupboard. I've tried holding it and cuddling it but it's not him. So cremation would have been ok. But for my wife, there's a part of Lenny who is still Lenny's body, and she couldnt face cremating him. So I said we'd bury him in the back yard.

We have opted for a container that should stand up to a few years underground without any great problem. I then dug down about 4 foot. It was incredibly hard. I have a huge cast iron pole that is used to break up dirt. My wife offered to try but couldn't lift the pole. It got to a point where even this monster wouldnt go in. I ended up with my powerdrill drilling smaller holes in the bottom of the hole so that I could add water and then try to break it up. Even the power drill was overheating. Smoke was coming out of the holes I drilled in the ground, the drill was so hot that I could feel it through the gloves I was wearing. I probably looked ridiculous. But it had to be done.

It took me two days. At times I couldnt get out of the hole because I was exhausted. I also have artheritis that makes some things difficult. When I did get out of the hole, I tried to throw a piece of mud away half the size of a golf ball but couldn't. I'm not the physical type at the best of times.

But I did it. My wife was there constantly, shoving clay and doing everything she could to help.

We'd laid lenny in our bathroom. We left the extractor fan going full continuously. When we went to fetch him and place him in the box I had for him, he looked unchanged. He might have been asleep. I have never known a dog to stay the same - usually there's obvious signs, especially after a couple of days. I honestly think it was a gift to us, so that our last view of him could be as if he were asleep.

It was a physically and emotionally exhausting time. I've never known clay so hard. I've broken up concrete before, but this was harder. I buried my parents dog - Chip. I buried Lenny's brother, Charlie, who lived with my wife's parents next door. That was hard - in every way - because he'd always been close to us and looked on me as a protector. But Lenny's was the hardest. But we always did our best for him since the day we drove to Halls Gap to pick him up, and we weren't going to stop now. So we did it.

The grave was (i must admit) the best hole i've made. The sides were very straight, and even the edges were crisp. It acutally looked professional - if not so deep and smaller.

Despite the pain in doing it, I needed to do it for him. I couldn't get help - it didn't seem right. It seemed as if only myself and my wife were entitled to do this. He needed a proper resting place and we needed to provide it.

I think it helped us a lot. From some of my posts you might wonder! But I'm still here (just) 3 weeks later. true, I did cry my eyes out again last night - everytime I am not totally distracted, I lose it. But I could not have gone on if I hadn't done my best for him with my last gift.

We'll do a bit of tidying up round the grave, maybe a small ornamental fence, and a little headstone. Nothing too gawdy or gothic. Just a sweet reminder of a sweet heart - as if I needed a reminder. My Lenny, though, is not down there. Part of him has gone elsewhere, and part of him remains with me. His final gift to me.

27 Apr 2008
Just a few images of Lenny doing some of the things he liked.

On Holiday


Relaxing at Christmas


Looking at his months supply of home cooked food


21 Apr 2008
Firstly, I'm so glad and yet sorry to have found this site. Glad, because I thought I was alone in my feelings, and sorry because I have found I am not. If that makes sense.

A week ago my darling doggie - Lenny - was lost to me. He had acute liver and kidney failure, couldn't eat, stand or drink. I think he had other problems too, that the vet did not discover. We felt we had no choice but to ease him into sleep.

The vets were very good. They did everything humanly possible to identify the problem and at the end of the day, the problem seemed to be almost everything that poor Lenny had. He was just over 12 years old, and it almost seemed as though he had just worn everything out.

After she had helped him to his last sleep from which he would not wake, our vet was crying. My wife was crying; I was crying. I am crying as I write this.

We know we did the right thing for him - if not the right thing for us. I'll post more, maybe, on that one day in case it helps others.

But I don't seem to be able to get over it.

I have lost pussies and dogs before - and it hurt. But Lenny was 100% integrated into our life - into my every thought. There's nothing I do at home that didn't involve the question of how it might affect him, or whether he should be involved. Almost every thought I have still turns to him - only he's not here.

He was a Keeshond. That's enough description for some people, but for others he was incredibly gentle, never aggressive, always loving. He had his own mind and no amount of work by us ever changed that. But he totally took me for pack leader (not daddy smile.gif ) and my wife as deputy pack leader. He loved to be with us and the bond between us was incredible.

About a month before losing Lenny, I lost a brother. I have to say (though some might be shocked) that losing Lenny has torn me apart where losing my brother did not.

Normally I take what life throws at me. The list of calamaties that has hit myself and my wife over the last 8 months would turn your hair white, and they are still continuing. Yet with Lenny at home waiting for us, I could cope. Now, the loss of one small-ish keeshond is breaking my heart like nothing else.

Now, at least, I know there are others out there who are so affected by such loss. I don't feel so stupid or weak (which I am not normally).

There are no easy answers to 'how long will it last' or 'what can I do'. I know that. Just as I knew and know that this loss was inevitable. Had it happened next year, I'd be just as heart broken. No matter how many kisses I had, I will always want more. No matter how many tail wags, or however many holidays, I'd always need at least one more. So it was always going to be hard.

I guess I will cope and adjust, but it really seems to me - at the moment - that I am never going to get over it. I just keep needing to give that cuddle or stroke, or even just quick glance, that I can no longer do.

Thanks for reading. To know you are not alone is a help. don't get me wrong, my wife is terribly upset too, but she is coping. I am not.

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