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> To Everyone Here.....please Read.
BuddyFerret
post Apr 11 2006, 06:24 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 21
Joined: 5-September 05
Member No.: 1,118



I lost my little ferret boy, Buddy the ferret, last September. I thought I was going to go out of my mind. I cried, I got angry, I blamed myself, I played the "What If?" game over and over..........the pain was so great and I had never felt such an emotional stirring as I did that day and the weeks that followed.

This site was a huge support for me. Stay here as long as you need to and use it. Let it help you heal. It helped me.

Occasionally I come back and read some of the things that people are going through with their loss or eminent loss.....and I want to say everything I can to comfort them and console them. To make their hurt, emptiness and loneliness go away, forever. But alas, I can't respond to everyone, so I wanted to just put this out here for you all to read, it may help...and if I can make one person better, as so many tried and did for me, then I have been successful at my attempt here.

Grab a tissue and read on:

It hurts. I know it does. Don't be afraid of that hurt, don't be afraid to show your feelings through your emotion. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Let it out. Don't bottle it up and let it fester. It's good to get it out. Talk to others who will listen. Let them know you're not looking for answers, or even for them to understand what you're going though, just that you need the ear, the out. The vent. Some people are not pet lovers and may not know or fathom what you're going through. Maybe not the best people to talk to, but if you have someone who is willing to listen, then TALK!

Stay busy. Keep your mind occupied. Do what you normally do. Don't hide, don't crawl in a hole and pull the hole back in over you. Yes, that is the easy thing to do, but it doesn't lessen the hurt or change history. The less free time you have, alone time or quiet time, the better. As is want for human nature you will dwell on the negative and find yourself once again, upset and boo-hooing if you have a lot of idle time to dwell on the negative. Nothing wrong with that, but it's better to not have to have that stress and added negative in your life, if at all possible.

Remember, the past is the past, you have to move on, but only when you're ready too. And you will find that time. I promise. It comes. But whatever you think, you can not change the past. So don't let that be part of what you do with this. Let that part go.

As you have all heard, a million times over, "With every day that passes, a little healing takes place and things get a little bit easier" that's true. I won't say better, because nothing makes this better, but it does get easier.

Remember your pet. Remember what fun you had. Remember all the times they did crazy, little, funny things that made you smile or call them "goofball"..... Keep them close to your heart. Did your pet ever react to your being sad or upset around them? Mine did. And it bothered him. So know, your pet wouldn't want you upset now either. They know. They do.

As for the physical things, the belongings and toys and stuff, well, that's hard. I got angry and I just wanted all reminders of Buddy to be gone. So I took his cage, which he never stayed in anyway, and stuffed all his toys and sleeping bags and stuff inside it and hauled it to the basement. I figured to have it out of sight would be the best thing. Oh, but I was wrong!

Every time I went downstairs to do laundry or get supplies from the basement I would see it and just cry and cry. I would take out the sleeping bag he slept in and smell it....just so I could know that unique ferret scent once again. It broke my heart. It reinforced even more so that he was gone. Maybe it's a good idea to leave things out and just put them in a corner. But trying to hide them and remove them makes it worse, I think. Do whatever you think is best.

I went around to all the pet stores the following week after Buddy died and I played with all the ferrets I could find. It helped, but didn't change anything, of course. I just hoped they all went to as good a home as Buddy had in ours.

Eventually I broke down and went against my promise to myself that I would never have another animal because I didn't want to ever feel this pain again at their loss. I bought a lonely little ferret boy, all by himself in the pet store, who needed my love. He has turned out to be a sweet addition to my family. We welcomed Ferris the ferret with open hearts and arms!

So, don't make that promise that you won't get another pet. It's not a fair one to make, to you or to a lonely animal out there who deserves the love you have. We can not deny ourselves the joy that they bring into our lives.

If you feel like you want another pet, don't be hasty, pick the right one for you, but MOST IMPORTANTLY: DO NOT TRY AND REPLACE YOUR LOST PET. You can NEVER replace the former pet. You can get another one, sure, but it won't be the same pet or a clone. It will act differently and have its own personality...remember that. ALWAYS.

DO NOT compare the new pet to the old pet. Don't expect them to be the same or act the same and don't punish them for not being the former pet. Don't say things to yourself or the new pet like "Well, Buddy learned how to do that really fast" or "Buddy was smarter" or "Buddy would never have done that" ........This new pet is not your "Buddy, or Spot or Fluffy" and it's not fair to the new pet to have you expecting him or her to fill the shoes of your lost pet. Not fair at all. And they can tell when you're demanding or expecting of them. Animals sense things, we all know they know.

And don't not love your new pet any less or differently, they're just sweet animals and they try to please us as best as they possibly can. They deserve the same amount of love and caring and understanding that the former pet did. Show that love and let it be that way again.

And lastly, I have to tell you, I know for a fact, that with time, these wounds all heal. You will get through this. Not over it, but through. That hole will always be there, but it gets easier every day to cover the hole and remember the happy stuff. And soon enough, like myself, you will find that you aren't crying over the loss and sadness anymore......you're living life, you're carrying on and you're smiling at the good memories you have of your beloved pet, your pal, your best friend........your Buddy.

Best wishes to you all, each and every one of you. Hang in there.....be strong. You'll make it.

Buddy's Dad.

(reading this next little piece might pull at your heart strings. You may have seen it before or not. It was given to me by the wonderful people at my vet's office. It came with a little memorial that had been cast in ceramic of Buddy's footprint.......Read it if you want, it's very sweet and may make you feel better for the moment) :

Heaven got a STAR today
And earth seems somehow dim.....
On angel's wings you went to God
And leapt, four footed to him!

Wait for me, my dearest
Though you're gone I'm not alone....
You've left pictures in my memory
And paw prints on my soul!


This post has been edited by BuddyFerret: May 21 2009, 04:33 AM
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Zooey's Dad
post Apr 11 2006, 07:28 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 10-April 06
Member No.: 1,535



Thanks for sharing your message.

I am hurting, and feeling the pain.

The first days are the hardest days...
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LS Support
post Apr 11 2006, 07:48 PM
Post #3


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From: Midwest USA
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excellent writings, i am going to pin this for others so they don't miss it.


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BuddyFerret
post Apr 11 2006, 10:27 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 21
Joined: 5-September 05
Member No.: 1,118



Thanks...I think that if it were me on the other side, I could find something in this piece that would help me, (which is why i composed it, to help others) so I was hoping it could get turned into a sticky or pinned, so that it would stay visible and not be buried as the posts became dated.

Thanks again. For everything. This is a great site.

Buddy's Dad.
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BuddyFerret
post Apr 11 2006, 10:29 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 21
Joined: 5-September 05
Member No.: 1,118



QUOTE (Zooey's Dad @ Apr 11 2006, 07:28 AM)
Thanks for sharing your message.

I am hurting, and feeling the pain.

The first days are the hardest days...

You're welcome and hang in there...........you're right, the first days, the first weeks, are hardest....but it eases out.
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Birdiemom
post Apr 12 2006, 08:15 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 27
Joined: 4-March 06
Member No.: 1,454



Moving on... You sure nailed it. It's hard, I lost MIsty almost 2 months ago and some days I am fine, today is not one of those, that's why I am here. There are days I want to kick myself for bringing another Poodle into my life just before MIsty passed, but to totally honest, I think she was happy to know there was someone else to take care of me. She could let go. There are days I wish he wasn't there, he isn't Misty and never will be. Someone gave me a little poodle who could have been her younger sister, I found her a good home through a rescue group. I didn't want another Misty, I have Prince, who is bigger, male the opposite color and has his own set of issues that keep me busy, the one thing we do share is that we both need love, and support, we both lost someone we loved. I lost MIsty and he lost the only human mom he ever knew, whether he was treated well or not it was all he knew. We are great therapy for one another. He keeps me smiling with his goof antics and with trying to traing him that people are okay, and that peeingin the house is bad, yes another neglected soul, and I am ind and patient with him, teaching him that there is nothing to be scared of in the world.

You can't replace them, but having another one to love is good therapy, you'll never forget them, but having another boucy critter around can turn that smile upside down, besides I know Misty would want me to help another lost soul, not pine over her. IT's in quiet times I miss her, normally with Princes head in my lap at night, he gets all that love now, somehow I Know she is contented in that.
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Zooey's Dad
post Apr 13 2006, 03:57 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 10-April 06
Member No.: 1,535



Grieving haiku

Seven days ago
I lost a light in my life
What will I do now



Tears with no warning
Streaming down my cheeks and lips
'Tis a bitter pill


My best friend is gone
I'm so lonely without him
The day moves slowly


My heart so heavy
And then a moment of peace
Faith he is risen
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luv_my_catz
post Apr 30 2006, 11:17 AM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 256
Joined: 31-March 05
From: Upstate NY
Member No.: 789



~ The message you wrote is beautiful ~ wise ~ and loving ~

This is my first Spring without CC ~ I have opened the patio and see his scratchy paw prints on the window sills near the slider doors and I am filled with angst and the bitter pill of tears as described in one of the simple yet poignant poems that are appended above ~

I am moved to include these words from an Sanskrit poet from the year 500 AD ~ it seems to be among other things ~ one of the messages that you are giving us ~

Look to this day
For it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the realities and verities of existence.
The bliss of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power -

For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today well lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream
of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day.


Sincerely,
Kathryn


--------------------
Peace Be With You ~ Kathryn ~ Angel Amber ~ Angel CC~ and Sammie

I lost my Amber Tabby Girl of nearly 20 years on 3/28/05 after a valiant battle with end stage CRF. Always a beacon in the storm ~ steady and true.

C.C was my purebred White Angora I lost to cancer on 10/22/05 at age 13~ A Big Gentle yet Oddly Eccentric Creature ~Through his congenital deaf ness ~He brought an innocent joy to my life and light to my heart

I also adopted an 8 yr old Burmese named Samantha who led me back into my own room ~ still a stranger to me ~ she sweetly gives peace to Amber's final days spent there and lights my way to see in the darkness of the spaces that my precious CC has left behind.
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Steph
post Jun 6 2006, 02:25 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 363



Excellent writing!

I too, received great comfort and made some friends that I am still in touch with even now, two years after my beloved border collie passed.

Great idea to write a piece like you did Buddy Ferret!


--------------------
"My heart has joined the thousand, for my friend stopped running today."
- Watership Down, Richard Adams
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5catsmom
post Jun 17 2006, 07:44 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 479
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I haven't been here in several months, I felt that I'd sort of "graduated" from the pain I felt after losing my cat Magic in Dec. You all helped me so much, but I think the person who pointed out that Magic died in her sleep rather than a traumatic death or a lingering death that so many pets suffer gave me a lot of comfort and I felt I could move on. Today I found one of my outside feral cats dead under my deck, and it was like all the thoughts I thought I'd assimilated and learned to live with went right out the window. I hurt so much, and I know the first days are the worst, and tomorrow will be bad, and the day after and probably the day after that, and who knows how long it will go on. I blame myself and think that if I'd only done this or that, it wouldn't have happened. Groucho had a way of sitting in front of the door to look in, and since I'd fed him and he was eating, I went back upstairs, but what if I'd come back? What if he sat there waiting for me and I never showed up and he crawled off to die? I sit here with my recriminations, and know I'll never know the answers, and know he's better off where he is, but it just hurts and hurts, I can't find the words. I get some comfort out of what I've read here, and I guess I'll become a regular here again,but right now it all seems so hopeless. I've gotten the help before here that I needed, and I'm sorry I need it again so soon, but thank you.
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onahotinrf
post Jun 27 2006, 09:39 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 9
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Member No.: 1,769



Yes, I am in tears again.

My sweet little Cyril is gone, but his brother is still with me. I keep trying not to compare them because they were so different. I feel bad that I am smothering poor Bert with extra cuddling that is not his way just because I miss that cuddling with Cyril. I must remember that they both love me in their own way.

I am confused about how to help Bert also. He seems lonely. He seems to get more upset when I have to leave than he used to get. After all, he is alone, alone when I go to work now. I want to do what is best for him now and can't be sure how much I am projecting onto him my own feelings. So much of the last year was spent worrying about his brother. What to do now?
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5catsmom
post Jun 29 2006, 10:51 AM
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It's kind of odd how other animals react to issues which devastate us humans. Some of my cats act like the other cat that passed is still here - in spirit anyway - and that's a comfort to me. The feral cat that I brought inside and adopted into the family absolutely loathed Groucho - they used to have the most vicious fights which upset me so much. But he sits by the back door and seems to be waiting for Groucho to show up. All I can suggest is that you give lots of attention and love to your other cat - I believe firmly that cats have that sixth sense of knowing when cats have left this world for the next one, and they are lonely, but they know somehow, that one day we'll all be together. I send my best wishes your way - this is a difficult time for you. One thought, which may or may not be practical for you, is to adopt another cat, maybe a kitten, not to take Cyril's place, but to give Bert something else to think about. He may hate the idea at first, but only a truly vicious cat would seriously take on a kitten. Whatever you do, take care - Barbara
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Mink&WillowsMom
post Jul 4 2006, 07:56 PM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
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From: Western Washington
Member No.: 1,750



QUOTE (onahotinrf @ Jun 27 2006, 09:39 PM)
>but his brother is still with me.
>keep trying not to compare them
>smothering poor Bert with extra cuddling that is not his way just because I miss that cuddling with Cyril. I must remember that they both love me in their own way.
> He seems lonely.

YES! Yes, I'm in just the same position! (See "Feeling guilty for wanting to feel better" for photo of my boys). It's been 23 days since Willow and I lost his brother Mink suddenly to a speeding car.

Willow is no cuddlebunny. He's intensely affectionate, but on his terms. Likewise, he looks at me and says I'm no cuddle-play-groom-buddy. And I play like a human, not like a cat. ohmy.gif

So we're going to add a kitten, maybe a pair of littermates. (You can see my reasoning at My Cat Was Euthanized). I know I need to go slowly and not just latch onto the first cuddly kitty I see. A pair I'm spending time with has pros and cons. The shelter is reserving them for me til Saturday, so I can go back and visit with them several times. And in the end, if it's not a good fit, I could bring them back (it's a fully no-kill shelter, and Siamese mix brothers would be adopted again quickly). One was ill, so I hadn't had a chance to see him when he was feeling good. I visited today, and he was a hissy, grumpy bear with the other cats. I know that in someone's home, these two will be the most charming, inquisitive, intelligent pair of cats; I just need to make sure they're not too rambunctious and territorial to share a home with Willow and me. Plus, soon I'll be inheriting my dad's cat (Dad's health is failing), then there will be FOUR cats. I had two, right now I have one. FOUR????

I know that I just need to relax -- it will end up just as it should. I'm also making decisions about whether to buy a piece of land to build a business, and anticipating that my dad doesn't have a lot of time left. Last night I woke at 4am and my brain just roiled. Mink-Dad-business-finances-new babies-FOUR?-etc. KNOWING I need to relax, and being able to DO it are two different things...

As for Will, he's definitely asking for more attention. He seems to be loneliest around 6am, when Mink would start washing him and they'd do this whole bonded pair thing. That's a large part of what makes the Siamese pair attractive, is bringing that bonded-brothers energy back into the house, and hopefully sharing it with Willow. wub.gif (They've been affectionate with the other kitties in their room.)
Kimberly


--------------------
...You precious children, of four feet, whiskers, and mischief...
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Melchiondo
post Jul 5 2006, 10:41 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 5-July 06
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Thanks for that. I lost my Stokely yesterday, and it feels so good to know that it's okay and normal for me to feel so mournful and sad. He was my little baby and I just hate knowing that I can't see him and play with him everyday.
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Cherylk
post Jul 13 2006, 09:13 AM
Post #15





Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 11-July 06
Member No.: 1,834



Again I am overwhelmed by the depth of love and concern on this forum. You guys are helping me through this lonely and painful time and I so appreciate being able to come here and be comforted and feel the pain of my loss.

I love and miss you my sweetie girl, Scout...
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BuddyFerret
post Jul 26 2006, 02:46 AM
Post #16





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 21
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Member No.: 1,118



Thanks to everyone for the additional comments and the kind words.

I come back every now and then, just because. And I see things that pull at my heartstrings and I have to go away or I will spend all night and day trying to say whatever little thing I can for every single person here, to help them get through whatever their situation may be.

I really appreciate the fact that the owners and moderators of the forum selected my writing as a "Pinned" post, or "sticky" as it is called on other forum formats.

Again, I hope the feelings I expressed are helpful to whomever, in whatever smallest or greatest way possible.

Hang in there.......

Buddy's Dad
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rayvenspel
post Jul 29 2006, 12:48 AM
Post #17





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 5
Joined: 29-July 06
Member No.: 1,898



I lost my Smiggles on Wed and I'm overcome with grief. I'm experiencing so many emotions at the minute that I feel like I'm going crazy... Could I have stopped it?
I came down as usual on Wed morning and she wasn't there. I thought she must be out chasing birds and thought nothing of it and just asked my housemate to feed her when she came in. Eight hours later, I arrived home...still no Smiggles. I knew then there was something really wrong- She would never stay out this long. My stomach was in knots as I went out to search for her.

Three hours passed, and still no sign. Then I noticed my neighbour pull up in her car.. "Are you looking for your cat?" she asked. "Yes" I said, "have you seen her?" "I'm sorry" she said "my friend was driving to work this morning and he seen a dead black and white cat on the footpath, he said it looked very like yours.." I broke down immediately.. No, it couldn't be my Smiggles. She would never go near the main road, she was frightened of traffic. I ran to the road at the end of the street. I felt sick with guilt-It didn't seem that far away now. I trawled through the bushes on either side of the road, nothing.
I went home and cried like I've never cried before, I've been crying for 3 days now and I don't think I'll ever stop. Everywhere I look I see her. She looks at me with those big yellow green eyes and I feel like my heart's going to burst.
For a while I thought it mightened have been her, but I know I was just deluding myself. Where did her body go? I rang all the vets and sanctuarys in the hope that she might have been alive and someone took her to get fixed... but no. Reluctantly I rang he street cleaning crew and they've seen nothing either.
Part of me still lives in hope that it wasn't her and she'll walk through the door any minute and statrt rubbing round my legs.

Everyone says it'll get easier with time but I can't stand life without her. I've put posters up in the hope that whoever lifted her will contact me. I want to hold her in my arms again and tell her how much I love her. I need closure, but for now I just can't let go...
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TannerSmith
post Jul 30 2006, 11:47 PM
Post #18





Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 24-July 06
Member No.: 1,876



This is the best thing I've ever read on how it feels when an animal you love dies. I read it out loud to my son and we both cried. He said that the people on this site are so nice--he is only 13 and finding out that others can feel the same way he does.

I will print it out and save it for a long, long time.
Karen
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melmel325
post Aug 14 2006, 03:07 AM
Post #19





Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 1,948



This is the first post I read on this site and it expressed exactly what I've been feeling. I cried the whole way through. I lost my son, Smoot, to liver cancer a month ago and although I thought things were getting easier, my husband and I find ourselves depressed and irritable with each other all the time. Because we have a hard time having kids, Smoot was our only child for the last 14 years. I quit my job last October to be home with him full-time while he was sick, so it's been a terrible blow to lose my best friend and hear nothing but silence.

Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece - maybe finding these boards will help me to express my grief better and help me to heal.

Love and support,
melanie
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BuddyFerret
post Aug 15 2006, 02:05 AM
Post #20





Group: Pet Lovers
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There's so many things within different people that make them who they are, and every person is so unique, it's impossible to say what will work for one person that may not work for another.

All I can tell any of you here now or anyone reading this in the future is, no matter how bad it may seem, it's truly not the end of the world. Yes, it is the end of a way of life that you knew, a daily routine and existence that you were accustomed to. But life changes and we have to press on.

Time is the key, at least that is what I found as each day passed. It grows softer and the impact lessens.........just like an illness, you have to let it run it's course, but you have to do the right things during that course in order to keep yourself healthy.

I'm sending warm thoughts and well wishes to every one of you going through this truly trying time in your life.

Hang in there y'all.
Buddy's Dad
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