Bronte' Finally Home

Kinf of funny in a sad sort of way. I must be the 5th person that's posted getting their pet's ashes back. Thought I'd feel better, like she's home again. I felt worse. They told me that she'd come in a box. I absolutely hate it. It has this horrible gold lock on the front. Like Steve said in an earlier post it feels like her soul is trapped inside though I know that's not possible. I also got a certificate with her name on it. Primarily what I was really excited to receive. It was supposed to have her paw print on it, I was so looking forward to that keepsake. I quickly opened the envelope and it wasn't there. Just some cheap certificate that I feel like someone printed out on their home computer. I felt like I lost her a second time. No special rememberances. I wanted so badly to see her little creased toe marks with her own set of special prints that no one else in the world has. I cried all the way to my boyfriends house. a 40 minute drive. I don't know if the Vet receptionist was just misinformed, or they just forgot to do it- a worse sin. And even more devastating was maybe they couldn't do one, because by the time they received her from the state vet it wasn't possible. I'm just devastated, and it's not like I can go back and complain. Her paw print is now irreplacable. I think I'm going to do a better job than the cremation place. I'm going to make her a better certificate, a beautiful one with flowers and fancy script. And I'm going to buy her a better resting place. A beautiful darkwood box, with room for a picture maybe, but definatelya fancy plaque. And there will be room inside for a can of tuna and her favorite licorice. NO LOCKS! I'm sorry I'm babbling, but have you ever felt like your heart was torn out of your chest, stomped on, replaced, allowed to heal, then ripped out again. Felt like that when I found out she was sick. Then that surgery could save her, then surgery couldn't save her, and now I have nothing of her left except a few hairs left on her favorite hiding spot under my bed.Thanks for listening, April

My Bronte's Pic

Hey everyone, It's been 17 days since I lost Bronte, and I'm still waiting for her return from the vet. I've really appreciated your posts, stories and pics. I come here every couple of days to get a good cry in, and pretty much feel sorry for myself. You don't know how much your support and encouragement means, even those directed at other parents. I finally figured out how to post my beautiful Bronte's pic, so you can finally see the angel I've been referring to. I hope all of you are well. And I have a question. Those of you who have lost loved ones over a year or so, have you ever been able to get another pet? I feel guilty just petting other animals, but I have always been drawn to furpeople. Not only do I feel guilt over Bronte's loss, I feel some gulit over not being capable emotionally to save another pet from a shelter. Am I being over dramatic? I told myself I'd wait a year, if ever, to get another child. I've been spending alot of time at my boyfriend's home keeping company with his cat Lucy. I kind of feel like her mother (his ex-wife) left her, and my Bronte had to leave me, so we can kind of comfort each other. I can't ever imagine calling her my own, though. My bedroom feels so empty without her, but at the same time I feel that I owe it to her to be home. That way if her spirit comes looking she'll know where to find me. I actually fear moving away. What if she can't find me? Also this may be a strange question, but has anyone ever talked to a pet psychic? I know most people think psychics are kind of cheesy, but I figured if I can find one thats legit (hard I know), wouldn't it be worth the little bit of money to hear Bronte's happy? What do you all think? If anyone has been to one, please let me know. Big hugs to all, April

Posting Photo

I know children with more computer knowledge than me, but, I would like to post a picture of my Bronte like everyone else does next to their log in name. And also post one in a topic, because I promised them a picture. How exactly do I go about this? I tried to figure it out on my own, but I think I may have accidentally hacked into the CIA's secret covert website, so if you could help...and also if you want to know who assasinted JFK. Ha HA. Please help. April, Bronte's uncomputer savvy mom.

Unprepared

Hi, I'm knew here and thank-you all for sharing your stories. My baby was ill, unbeknownst to me. Sun Oct 24th I noticed Bronte did not look herself. After visiting the vet, she was found to have an abdomen full of fluid. She had lost 7 lbs from her normal weight, however, it was hard to see from the fluid swelling her body. She never kept a normal eating routine and liked to eat from my roomate's cat's bowl, so I never knew that she had stopped eating. They found some sort of growth, I learned after was a cyst, growing on her liver. Multiple tests were run thet led her to her surgery on Sat Oct 30th. I missed all the signs. Bronte seemed herself until that first vet visit. After enduring multiple needles to drain fluid from her abdomen, and me force feeding her, she slowly deteriorated. She could barely walk, would not purr, and her vocalisation had changed. By Sat. I was convinced that surgery would save her. They held her surgery on Friday because she was too weak. Then Saturday morning rushed her procedure because she was rapidly declining now. She was dehydrated, could not maintain her blood pressure, or her temperature. She was 10-12 degrees cooler than she should have been. Afterwards she went into cardiac arrest twice, before I was able to make it to her side. I was told that mentally she was not recovering as she should have. Something else was going on other than a cyst. Her brain was affected. 6 days after I first noticed something was wrong, I had to have her put to sleep. I didn't even get to hold her for a few minutes before she began to have respiratory failure again, and the euthanasia shots had to be rushed. I held her and cried afterwards, unable to believe she was gone and feeling guilt that I couldn't do more. Also I felt immense guilt that I selfishly let her suffer as long as I did, not knowing that something was wrong, and letting her undergo surgery then life saving attempts of CPR. I'm still in denial. I expect her to come running out from under my bed (her favorite hiding place). I can't sleep with the bedroom closed, because she always needed it open to come and go as she pleased. And I keep her shampoo bottle in my room so I can remember how she smelled. Little Bronte was 12 years old. She outlasted most of my jobs, 99% of my boyfriends, and 5 residences. I can't even fathom having another cat after her loss. Now to make matters worse, a tech at the vet's office reportedly got bit so they have to send her remains to the county vet to test her brain tissue for rabies. I'll have to wait 3 additional weeks before she will be returned home to me. People look at me strangely for being so devastated by her death. But as far as I'm concerned she was my child. Does this pain get better? Thanks for listening. I'll try to get a picture of her posted soon.