Lost Only 'friend', Help! The pain is killing me. Options

[BethAnn]

I so tried to sort through the posts to find information, but I was just aching all the more reading through everyone else's suffering.

I put my Daisy down on Feb 1st. I am 51 years old, and she was my sole companion for 14 years. I have no idea what to do. This pain is torture. Just writing this, I am ready to get sick. I have PTSD to begin with. Chronic/severe depression. Now, throw in all the grief symptoms. I was finally getting better with my Daisy. Now, everything is different. I simply do not like life without her.

I have a psychiatrist. A counselor. I went to a grieving class. But, all I do is cry. The pain in my chest and throat is just getting unbearable. I have to go out and get things done, but I cry. Big obnoxious sobbing and tears. Sometimes I even just have to grab on to something.


I got a 2 year old cat from the Humane Society, and she is the sweetest little thing. But, that is a completely different relationship and experience.


By Chance, does anyone have any more suggestions for me?

[moon_beam]

Hi, BethAnn, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I just want to check in with you to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers that you are enduring through your grief adjustment journey.

One of the many things we have to deal with is putting on what I call the "public face" to get through the day with other people when all we want to do is crawl underneath the covers and cry - - gut wrenching sobs. I remember so very well while I was working how thankful I was for the privacy of the restroom where I could retreat to compose myself so that I would be able to go back to my desk to resume my work. And then as soon as I got in the car for the drive home the gut wrenching sobs would burst like a broken dam. Even though I had other precious companions with me - - who were also grieving the loss of their fur family member - - there was still an emptiness in the house reminding us that one of us was no longer physically there. It was as if the house itself was also grieving the physical loss of our beloved companion.

So many things still needed to be done - - bills paid, jobs done, meals prepared, groceries purchased, - - yet it all seemed it was happening without my participation - - like an "out of body" experience - - I was doing all these things but my mind was functioning on what I call "automatic pilot." Minutes turned to hours which turned into days, and then weeks. It sometimes felt like the deep grief would never ease up - - that a part of my heart would always feel broken, empty, lost, adrift.

The good news is that eventually the deep grief does ease, BethAnn, and particularly when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Daisy and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and all the wonderful treasured memories that had once burdened your heart with deep sadness will now feel like a warm embrace, and you will know that your beloved Daisy is sharing these memories with you at the same time. You may even hear the soft whisper of her voice in your heart say, "thank you so much for being my Forever Mom. I am always with you."

But until this time arrives for you when your tears are not so frequent and your heart is not feeling so empty, please know we are here for you.
I hope today is treating you kindly, BethAnn, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam