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LauraK
40 years old
Female
Edinburgh, Scotland
Born Dec-2-1979
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Joined: 10-August 08
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Last Seen: 28th February 2012 - 09:59 AM
Local Time: Oct 24 2020, 05:13 PM
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LauraK

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11 Aug 2008
I hope you don't mind me posting this. I needed to find people who understand what I am going through.

I had my cat Pepsi since I was 8 years old (I'm 28 now). On Wednesday Morning at 12:15am, Pepsi died in my arms.

3 years ago, Pepsi was very thin and had what seemed like a bite on his leg that was so severe you could see right through it. I took him to the vet, she took one look at Pepsi and said to me "Is there anyone you need to talk to?" I knew exactly what she meant. I looked at Pepsi lying on the table and felt I owed it to him not to give up on him, I was his spokesperson, he couldn't talk for himself. So I told her that getting him put down was the extreme last option and I wanted whatever tests, blood etc that she could give him to find out why he had lost so much weight. She did as I asked.

While waiting for the blood results, I bathed his leg in salt water at least twice a day, I hand fed him his favourite chicken. I even set my alarm to go off at two hour intervals during the night to hand feed him and see how he was. I finally got the test results back, they didn't know what caused his leg but the blood tests revealed he had chronic liver disease. I took him back to the vet and she was absolutely shocked that Pepsi had put on weight and his hole in the leg was starting to heal. He had more blood tests done and another vet phoned me with the results. He gave the standard advice of watching his eating and how often he used the litter tray, but beyond that there wasn't much help. I researched loads via the net and did what I could to help.

Fast forward to where I am now. Pepsi, since that time was never going to be anything but a thin cat, we accepted this and by the amount he ate, it wasn't holding him back!! Over a couple of days my baby boy started to fail, his back legs weren't working properly and he kept falling over. On Tuesday night, he was lying in front of the fire and I was lying beside him petting him. He looked so listless, his eyes had lost their sparkle. Then he had three fits, his body shook and at the end of each one he let out this meow. I knew what was coming, I knew my baby boy was dying. I did think about calling a vet, but I knew that all they would do was put him down and in my heart I knew the end was coming naturally. I picked Pepsi up and sat on the sofa with him in my arms, I stroked him and told him how much I loved him and I understood if he had to go. Then all too soon, Pepsi took his last breath while in my arms. I held him until about 5am when I knew I had to put him in a box. During that time I kept stroking him and telling him how much I loved him through my tears. I put a little cuddly toy in beside him because he looked so lonely. I keep that toy beside my computer now.

I wanted him buried in a Pet Cemetry but the one closest to us had closed 3 years before and the nearest one was about and hour and a half away. I didn't want him left out there all by himself. So I opted to have him cremated. Seeing my little boy lying in the 'chapel of rest' really broke my heart. I wasn't taking him home, it wasn't a nightmare, it was real. I had my mum, dad and one of my sisters with me so I wasn't alone physically but emotionally I have never felt so alone. Picking up his ashes was a surreal experience.

His ashes are in my bedroom on top of my chest of drawers, I have 'The Rainbow Bridge' story printed out and in a frame beside him along with a picture of him in another frame. I also instantly went out and bought a fireproof/water resistant safe and put Pepsi's little bits and pieces in it - his collar, pawprints in clay and little bits of his fur etc. I know I don't get any second chances with that.

I grew up with him, he knew more secrets about me than anyone. As like your pets if you were upset, they had a special way of making things not seem so bad. You know they understand you when you spoke to them. Now like many of you I am so lost. My family have tried to make it easier for me, they said I needed to do what I needed to do - like lighting a candle when he died etc.

I feel so guilty if I try and do things to take my mind of the pain of him not being here. I went back to work today and my stomach churned the entire time, I feel calmer at home, but I know I can't be at home all the time.

I have read a few of your stories and my thoughts are with you all.

Thank you for reading.
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