Letting Go Of My Baby Boy, Zach

Hi there. I am new to this forum and am so glad that it exists. I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and hope that you can help me a bit. My 9 1/2 year old Golden Retriever, Zachareigh, a/k/a Zach Attack, Tonka, Zacherdoo, Baby Boy, came into my life shortly after my dad passed away. He has seen me through a lot of hard times. He was diagosed at 6 months of age with Grade IV hip dysplacia. At a year old he had an FHO on one hip. He has battled with arthritis ever since. Recently he was diagnosed with diabetes, an enlarged liver, increased liver enzymes, liiver mass, cataracts and complete blindness. We cannot get his glucose levels under control, he has lost 25+ pounds and has difficulty walking.

He no longer plays and just lays down. His life consists of mommy encouraging him to eat, insulin shot in the morning, go potty outside and go back to sleep, dinner time encouragement, go potty, go to sleep, go potty, etc.

I have worked as a veterinary technician and have helped sick animals pass, lending hugs and a shoulder to cry on to those who loved them so dearly to make that decision. However, when it comes to your own furkids, it is just a different feeling. At this point, I feel so selfish for basically just sustaining him. I just cannot bring myself to make that phone call. Am I a horrible person, one for letting him go, two for not trying every option out there? When is it okay to make that final decision? Is it okay to make that final decision when the quality of life is so minimal? If anyone has any advise or stories to share please do. I feel so numb and cannot stop crying about it. I love my boy so very much. I call him my son and to some people they think I am nuts but hey, maybe I am. Thanks for reading.

Molly