Completely Devastated Options

[codycarmel]

I lost my best friend yesterday and I'm as the title reads, completely devastated.

My 14 year Belgian Shepherd, Cody took his last breaths at home, with his head on my lap and I can't stop replaying those final moments.

I want to take it back. Even though he was arthritic and would often soil himself because he couldn't get up, he still had that sweetness to him that I loved so much. He just wanted to be with me always and would follow me from room to room as I went about my day. It was so hard to watch him grow old, to struggle to walk - this beautiful, strong dog who in his day, would run miles and miles turned feeble and incontinent.

Last night I couldn't sleep so I went to the spot where he passed and just lay there until my husband woke up in the middle of the night to gently guide me back to bed. My heart actually physically aches and I miss him so much. I found some of his fur on the floor and I just held it.

I was always so busy running around, doing things - I have all that stuff to do today - there are Christmas presents still left to be bought and wrapped - I just want to stare at a wall and cry. Why couldn't I have been more present with him when he was here? Why didn't I make him more important than all those things that don't really matter?

Thank you all for sharing your stories. It helps tremendously to know that I am not alone in this. I just had to write something out because I feel like I've talked it out with my friends/family - they get it - but I don't want to burden them with my sadness.

[LittleGirl's...]

Ohh I am so very sorry to learn of the physical loss of your precious Cody!

Please keep in mind that guilt is an automatic part of grief and it has not due to anything that you did wrong. Cody does not want you feeling any guilt whatsoever. You have been a wonderful Mom. There are ALWAYS so many things we think back on and wish we had done differently. But please remember that it's humanly impossible for us to be as perfect as we think we "should" be. And Cody knows this! He wants you to be gentle on yourself. Remember that our (human) lives are more complex than theirs are. My cats would want to spend 23 out of 24 hours cuddling. And though they are my #1 priority by far, I can't do all 23 because I have other responsibilities and things.

Cody is just fine, and in bliss, in the realm he's in and you'll be fully reunited when it is your time. And, his blissful spirit is around you now. But I know you yearn to have his sweet physical form there! It is so hard.

Please check in soon with how you are doing. I will write more soon.

Prayers to you and your husband,

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Cody's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Cody. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Cody's Mom, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. Clinical studies proves that when we are grieving our hearts actually physically ache - - the grief can be so intense that it literally takes our breath away. It is vitally important that you find time to openly grieve for your beloved Cody and do the things that bring you comfort - - such as laying in his favorite places, continuing with some of the routines you and your beloved Cody shared together, etc.. Some people, including me, find it comforting to hold a blanket, toy, collar - - something that belongs only to their beloved companion - - particularly when the pain of not being able to hold them is more than what your heart can bear. No, it isn't the same thing as holding your beloved Cody - - but it does help to bridge the physical void as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Adjusting to the physical loss of a beloved companion is particularly painful during the holidays. What is supposed to be the "most wonderful time of the year" is actually the "most horrible time of the year" because our hearts are grieving, and having to put on what I call the "public face" to endure the holiday "merriment" is particularly painful when all you want to do is find a dark corner and cry.

As painful as this grief adjustment journey is, there is one thing that never changes - - the love bond you and your beloved Cody share. Love is eternal, - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Cody's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are grieving there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Cody with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Cody's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[codycarmel]

Ohh I am so very sorry to learn of the physical loss of your precious Cody!

Please keep in mind that guilt is an automatic part of grief and it has not due to anything that you did wrong. Cody does not want you feeling any guilt whatsoever. You have been a wonderful Mom. There are ALWAYS so many things we think back on and wish we had done differently. But please remember that it's humanly impossible for us to be as perfect as we think we "should" be. And Cody knows this! He wants you to be gentle on yourself. Remember that our (human) lives are more complex than theirs are. My cats would want to spend 23 out of 24 hours cuddling. And though they are my #1 priority by far, I can't do all 23 because I have other responsibilities and things.

Cody is just fine, and in bliss, in the realm he's in and you'll be fully reunited when it is your time. And, his blissful spirit is around you now. But I know you yearn to have his sweet physical form there! It is so hard.

Please check in soon with how you are doing. I will write more soon.

Prayers to you and your husband,

Kathy

Hi Kathy - I'm reading this through a veil of tears. I so appreciate your compassion and your words have touched me deeply. THANK YOU.

[codycarmel]

Hi, Cody's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Cody. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Cody's Mom, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. Clinical studies proves that when we are grieving our hearts actually physically ache - - the grief can be so intense that it literally takes our breath away. It is vitally important that you find time to openly grieve for your beloved Cody and do the things that bring you comfort - - such as laying in his favorite places, continuing with some of the routines you and your beloved Cody shared together, etc.. Some people, including me, find it comforting to hold a blanket, toy, collar - - something that belongs only to their beloved companion - - particularly when the pain of not being able to hold them is more than what your heart can bear. No, it isn't the same thing as holding your beloved Cody - - but it does help to bridge the physical void as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Adjusting to the physical loss of a beloved companion is particularly painful during the holidays. What is supposed to be the "most wonderful time of the year" is actually the "most horrible time of the year" because our hearts are grieving, and having to put on what I call the "public face" to endure the holiday "merriment" is particularly painful when all you want to do is find a dark corner and cry.

As painful as this grief adjustment journey is, there is one thing that never changes - - the love bond you and your beloved Cody share. Love is eternal, - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Cody's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are grieving there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Cody with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Cody's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moonbeam (what a beautiful name - I used to call Cody the same!) - Your kind words made their way straight to my heart. I do feel Cody with me - I hear the click of his nails on the tile, the sound of his collar as he walked as well as his love as I move through this journey of grief. I am learning to take it one moment at a time and honor my sweet boy by letting myself mourn the loss of his physical presence. I will be sure to check back here soon. I'm so grateful for this community and hope that one day I can offer someone else the comfort that both you and Kathy have given me here.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Cody's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the grief journey or make it automatically disappear. As you are discovering the only way to navigate this painful adjustment process is one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time. I know so well that the grief can be so intense and overwhelming, particularly during the deep grief, that it can make you feel like you're losing your mind. I promise you, Cody's Mom - - this is not the case.

Our beloved companions do find a way to let us know they are still with us even though they are no longer a part of this earthly realm. I'm so glad you find hearing the clicking of Cody's nails on the floor and the sound of his collar comforting to you. Some people find these "visits" disconcerting, but like you I find them to be very comforting when one of my beloved companions lets me know they are still close.

Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Cody's Mom. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LittleGirl's...]

You are so welcome. I understand. You will continue to be in my prayers.

We are here for you. Write any time!!!!!

Kathy

Hi Kathy - I'm reading this through a veil of tears. I so appreciate your compassion and your words have touched me deeply. THANK YOU.