Almost twelve years ago Kika came into my life, when I was in college and in the worst time for me to get a puppy, but the first time I saw that perfect black & tan chihuahua girl, i just knew that we belong together. At that time I didn't had any money, I don't know what make me spend the little money I had in a puppy, I remember that after paying for her (I later learned that she came from a nasty "breeder", probably if I had know that before I wouldn't have bought her) I didn't have any money left so I had to feed her from free puppy food samples, and had to wait almost a week to get het to the vet and get her first shot, that I couldn't afford her any sweater so I hand sew her first sweater form an old sweatshirt, but she never complained, she was always a very happy, well behaved puppy, and wore her hand made sweater very proudly. And I couldn't find a good name for her in two days, I only knew that since she was a chihuahua it had to be a name in spanish.

She was my companion all of my adult life, she was in every experience that i had, the first time I moved alone, when I graduated from college, in my first job, my wedding, and a lot of happy and sad experiences she was always there by my side.

She was always healthy I've been trying, but can't remember any time that I had to give her medicine because she was sick, our only time into the vet's office for anything other that her regular check ups, was when she got stung by a bee, and the other about a 18 months ago, when I felt her hear beating different, it turned out she had a very mild heart murmur, even her cardiologist was amazed because he had never seen a heart murmur in that early stages, and in every follow up, he congratulated us at how well her heart was considering her age.

That until the first weekend of this year that she had a seizure, and from there begin a long series of tests, where at first nothing bad showed up, just bad appetite and me feeling that something was wrong, my baby was not the same, but the doctors assured me that everything was ok, until the last test that showed a very aggressive degenerative liver disease uncommon in dogs and, I'm not really of this, because I declined the biopsy to formalize the diagnosis, but her usual doctor was inclined to think this was what was wrong with her, and for what he explained that really made sense, with what I was seeing in my girl.

Last week was the hardest, because she lost all her appetite, and she lost a lot of weight, I knew that the end was coming, so this weekend I called my parents so they could plan a visit to say good bye to Kika, my mother even asked if it was necessary to make the trip that same day, but my husband and I thought that it could wait until monday or tuesday, because in the morning she still was waving het tail a little whenever she saw us, she was still trying to follow me around the house, but in the afternoon she just started to feel bad, she was so tired, she just wasn't herself, so we had to take the decision help her into her forever sleep, one of my brothers came with his fiancee to said good bye, and she dozed a little in his arms, very peacefully, it was very sweet.

I remember that once a tanatologist came to the shelter where I volunteer and told me that when an animal is going to be helped, is their time, that they shouldn't be worried with people crying around them, so I steadied up myself, bit back my tears and thanked Kika for all the time we had together, for being such a nice girl, for being my companion, my shadow. I hold her she can go in peace that I was going to be fine, I got to hold her in my arms until her heart stop beating, and the doctor confirmed that she was gone.

And now, I am so sad, a big part of my life is gone, and i haven't been able to cry, I feel very calm and very sad, and I can't cry, I don't know why I can't, if I miss my girl so much.

It sounds like Kika had a wonderful parent in you.

I happy Kika had you even for a very short amount of time.

I know that quiet , stunned feeling and the surprise there is in no tears. But, if you are like me, the tears return and you will look for Kika knowing that she cannot be there. I am so glad for Kika that she had you to love her. I wish every pet had so caring an owner. It helps me to remember that the last times were not good and that I could not wish my Cozy back to that. I hope you find peace and comfort soon.
Doximom

Hi, Valentino, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Kika. Losing a ccompanion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves.

From what you share with us, Valentino, there is no doubt that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Kika a happy, healthy earthly journey. Our companions do not care who we are or what our social status is - - if we live in a fancy mansion, under the expressway overpass, in an apartment, or in a more modest individual house. They only want to know they are loved in return for the unconditional love and undivided attention they give to us.

As you are all too aware this grief journey is filled with many different emotions and twists and turns. The grief journey is always unique because the relationships we share with each of our companions are uniquie. I know your heart is deeply shattered as you now begin the adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Kika. I hope you will find comfort in knowing that your beloved Kika's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of you - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Kika with us. One of the many things you need to remember during your grief journey is that you are not alone - - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Valentino, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Doximom described exactly how I feel: stunned.

And at the time I'm sad, so sad and calm, I don't regret putting Kika to sleep, I didn't loved her all this years to let her suffer, not even one day, that's a promise all my babies have, if it is in my hands, they won't be hungry, cold, or in pain.

But I miss her so much, she was very special to me, I love all my other dogs, but the bond I had with Kika was incredible, she was always there to confort me when I was sad, she always knew how to read my emotions and respond to them, and here I am now missinh her and unable to cry for her.

She was always the perfect girl, even to leave, she give me time to adjust to the fact that her time was coming, but not to long so I didn't suffer looking at her deteriorate, I been thanking the Universe for the oportunity to have her in my life.

I knew that this day will come, but I never expected it to be so soon,

This days had been very hard, last wednesday was our annivesary (february 13), twelve years since Kika came in to my life, and yesterday I received her ashes. I always imagine that she will be with me a couple more years. I was not ready to say good bye so soon. I have been "functional" since she is no longer here with me, but the sadness I feel inside is impossible to explain, and I can't explain why I haven't been able to really cry for her. I just don't get it.

Valentino my boy,

I am so sorry Kika had to go... I am crying so hard right now. It is so not fair that our babies' lives are so much shorter than ours. It is so hard to say good bye, I am so sorry you had to go through it so soon after Tino left.

Our babies Gizy, Tino and Kika are together now... little munchkins.

I am sending you hugs and positive thoughts,

Gizy's mom

Kika I miss you so much, today I have been in so much pain from missing you.

You know I have wanted so bad to come here and talk to you, but I had been following the advices not to, but today I just have to come back.

Thank you for sendng Sabrina my way, I know It was you who send her, I see small things of you in her, but she has her own personality.

Today, I just wanted to thanking the Universe for letting me share almost twelve wonderful years for you, and I still haven't round the strenght to do so, but the celebration of our time together is still on.

Miss you girl!!

kika,
I still can't believe you are no longer with me, I miss you so much.
Today, during the guided meditation after yoga class, we were asked to go some place we like, a place calm and secure, and after "seeing" my place you immediatly came into the picture, and for a moment I was able to feel you, to touch you, to smell you, to connect with you again, it was such a happy moment, I really enjoyed It, until I have to came "back" to reality, to a reality where I have to live with only the memory of you.
As sad as I am now, for not having you by my side, I'm happy, because today I got to experience your company again, I can only hope you can came back to me moré often.
Love you my sweet perfect girl!!!

i miss you so much today, the last couple of months have been so hard, and you are not there, you were always there with me and getting through all this obstacles has been really hard without you, I can't believe how much I need you, you were my rock and the one that keep me going, for the one I got out of bed even in the hardests days,