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MartyParty's Mama
38 years old
Female
Location Unknown
Born Feb-8-1986
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Joined: 29-June 16
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Last Seen: 7th July 2016 - 02:39 PM
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MartyParty's Mama

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30 Jun 2016
Hi everyone,

On Sunday, we had to put my beloved pug, Marty, to sleep. Our story is long (much longer than can be typed), but I am in so much pain, and just feel like I need to get it out there.

The very first weekend we brought Marty home from the breeder, he almost died for the first time. He was in our possession for about 2 days before he went to the urgent care and spent the weekend on oxygen. The vet recommended that we put him down, because even if he made it through the weekend we were in for a long haul of medical issues with little Mart. At that point we only had him for two days, but that didn't seem right to me and I had committed from the moment he became mine to care for and protect him. I would be bringing him home with the knowledge that we would probably struggle with his health for the rest of his life.

I was worried when we went to pick him up at the vet that day and bring him home that he wouldn't remember me. We only had him for two days and the little guy had been through so much for the past 4 days. The vet brought out my (at the time) 3lb little pug, and his eyes lit up and he literally jumped into my arms and cuddled with me like he never wanted to be away from me again. That was the beginning of our beautiful bond.

After many other run ins with health issues, it was finally diagnosed that Mart had a liver shunt. We decided to monitor his condition with diet and medication, and once we did, he put on a ton of healthy weight and became a new dog entirely.

He was very much my dog, and I would call him my little shadow. He would follow me EVERYWHERE. To and from the bathroom, he'd be waiting for me outside the shower, he would sleep on my stomach, he wanted to play constantly. We would watch TV with his head in my lap and me massaging his velvety little ears between my fingers. I was his mama, and he was my little baby. Honestly.

The last 6-8 months have been Marty's best yet, especially this summer. My family has an amazing lake house far from any roads. He spent most of the summer running free (no leashes necessary), playing with his sister (a newfie named Sooley) and my parents' two dogs, swimming (more like me putting him in the lake with a life jacket on so he could splash around), chasing squirrels around the woods and he even went on a boat ride. At night, he would curl up so close to the bonfire I was worried he would burn himself, but he loved the warmth and was usually so tired by the end of the day I would carry him to bed. He was healthy, so so happy and more loving and playful than ever. We thought that, while the shunt was still there and would probably reduce Marty's lifespan, that given how good he had been lately we would have him for at least a few more years.

In the past, when he would begin to display signs of an episode, symptoms would come on slowly, giving us time to prepare and discuss options with the vet. Not this time, the last time. Friday night he started acting restless, and I gave him the medication our vet prescribed when he started to display symptoms. In the past this would pass and he would be feeling better within hours. Unfortunately, my husband was out of town and I was in a wedding on Saturday, so I was gone from 9am-midnight. My mom stopped by to let both of our dogs out twice that day. She said while Mart seemed a little less lively than usual, he still was running around with the other dogs and begging for food like he usually does. He was very lethargic by the time I got home at midnight and I gave him another dose of medicine.

The next morning, he couldn't walk (he would try and collapse). This is where I hate myself. Because we had been through this many times earlier in Marty's life, I gave him more medicine and held him in my arms in bed instead of taking him to a doctor immediately. I am haunted that if I had we may still have him with us. My husband and I decided to wait since the emergency vet clinic wouldn't have his medical records and we were optimistic that once the meds kicked in he would start to improve. Here's the irony: I actually said to my husband, I am worried they will want to put him down, not knowing how many times he has fought back from this. I honestly thought he would bounce back, he had so many times before. Eventually things got really bad, he urinated on himself and we were at the emergency clinic 15 minutes later. They kept him for about an hour before calling to let us know that his kidneys had failed, and he had brain damage from his most recent episode. It was the humane thing to let him go.

They brought him in so we could say goodbye, and while he did not have much control of his body any longer, he used the energy he did have to move his body and head so that he could look at me in the face. I held my baby as he died, and all he wanted was for me to help him.

I am having such a hard time with his passing. 2 1/2 years is not nearly enough time and I feel hurt and angry that such a good little soul was taken from us and robbed of a normal life...especially after doing SO well the last 6- 9 months.

I can't walk into my home (that we purchased mainly for the yard, our dogs in mind), I miss my little shadow so much it aches. My husband thinks we should get another puppy and thinks I need something to love and care for again, but I feel so guilty even considering it.

I know everyone keeps saying how we did so much more than a lot of other people would have for him, and that we gave him a very happy life, but I can't stop thinking of how afraid he looked when he was in my arms, and that I should have pursued other treatment options for him. It upsets me not to know where he is, and wondering if he is okay, or scared or lonely.

In some ways, the health struggles he had as a little puppy made me even closer to Mart. He needed me. I nursed him back to life multiple times begging him to fight and stay with me and he was so strong. He fought to be a part of my life. He wanted so badly to be alive and with me. I have never had a thing in my life that needed and loved me so much, and I now have a gaping hole in my heart.
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