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> The Beginning
Bobbie
post Oct 15 2012, 08:54 PM
Post #41





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I thank you beyond measure, my dear friend!

I am very tired tonight, but have read every word, so eloquent and so real.

Tomorrow, more words will come to me and I want to share them all with you and Jenna!

With love,
Trevor and Bobbie
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Bobbie
post Oct 27 2012, 08:48 PM
Post #42





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Thank you and may God bless you, My Doxie and Me! (my eyes are leaking a lot)

XOBobbieXO
Trevor's mom
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Gretta's Mom
post Oct 31 2012, 07:46 AM
Post #43





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My Doxie

This is to thank you - in simple prose, I'm afraid, for your beautiful poetry that has strengthened both Bobbie and me during this terrible time. Jenna, oh Jenna, breathe a little of yoru spirit on your daddie today and let him know that even though his friends' hearts are shattered they still love him as you do.

Gretta and Rufie's mom
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Bobbie
post Nov 2 2012, 08:09 PM
Post #44





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YOU are a wonder to behold!!!!!!!!!
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Bobbie
post Nov 10 2012, 09:30 PM
Post #45





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Do not try to break away, my dear friend! For so much effort goes into trying to escape the "usual" ways that it saps all the energy from one's body, mind and spirit. Instead, try, just try that's all I'm saying, to LIVE through the awful silence. Experience it as many times as "it" tries to dominate your life and one day you will be the master, able to command this silence to depart for good. You will have saved up power and strength and fortitude to do exactly what you want to do right now, but have no power to do it because you are fighting it the way it wants to fight. Instead, turn the tables and know that we are here for you during these awful moments of seemingly doing nothing. But you ARE doing something. You are changing the rules to YOUR rules, ever so quietly and stealthfully. "It" will not notice and thing it has "won". And it will do victory dances on your mind and heart. Live through that (I have to count out loud to ge4t through my worst silent times and my worst physically painful times.) time, reassuring yourself that we are here to support you all the way!

Time after time after time after time this nasty silence will play with your mind, heart and soul, seemingly at will. But unbeknownst (sp) to it, YOU are in control. Did you know that? Yes, you can slowly and carefully control the time you give to this beast, shortening it by as much or as little as you'd like, each time beasty comes around. This, ever so surely, transfers the control and power away from that awful silence to YOU and whatever YOU chose to do with it. If you want to use it as a "good" silence (and you really know how to do that) or for anything else, you can because YOU are in control now and YOU have the power.

It's very frightening to start doing this because one feels completely powerless, but remember, YOU ARE NOT! You always have some power and control, even if it's just a smidge. That's all it takes to get started. Don't expect yourself to be the conquerer the first 100 times this happens. And if you DO win in less than 100 times, GREAT!!!!!!!!!

Show Jenna that daddy has the power to chose his silent times and what happens during them. SHE will help you immensely, as will all her friends in the Perfect World, and by now she has a ton of them! Trevor is right near the front, only Gretta is bigger so she is closer. The entire pack will know when you need them, even when you don't. You will, however, know this after things settle down an that's fine.

No, Jenna's daddy, defeat this enemy with a passive approach that it knows nothing about. That works in so many areas of life that you probably have plenty of experience and just don't realize it. Trevor just recently helped me figure out my silence power as my hephew lay dying - it was overwhelming. And my nephew and I were at least 30 miles apart during most of this! But I KNOW it worked for Mark and I KNOW it will work for you. Just remember, Trevor has never, ever been wrong on anything! OK?

Please know that Trevor and I are here for you 24/7, even if we don't get back to you right away. PM's and posts are more than welcome for all of this actually really helps ME, too. So there is a selfish component in here, too. (true confessions!!!!!)

I wish you peace, love and joy this evening and all day tomorrow on what is supposed to be a gorgeous day! Thank you for being my friend. It is a treasure and a blessing!

XOXOxoxo
Bobbie, Trevor's mom
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Gretta's Mom
post Nov 25 2012, 08:17 AM
Post #46





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Hello Jenna's dad

I've asked Trevor to round up a cousin-chorus for Bobbie today. This is an invitation for Jenna (who is surely our cousin) to join. They're going to sing verses of the old spiritual "Everything is Gonna be Alright" (in doggie) nice an loud and keep on singing until Bobbie feels it in her heart. Jenna-girl, could you do this for someone who loves your dad and whom he loves too? I know you will. Thank you Jenna-Mop!

Gretta's mom
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Gretta's Mom
post Nov 29 2012, 07:23 AM
Post #47





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Another beautiful poem about the beginning of winter and the wisps of memory we wish we could hold in our hands as we hold them in our hearts. Thank you so much, My Doxie. All the best to you.

Gretta's mom
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Bobbie
post Dec 13 2012, 10:33 PM
Post #48





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Dear Jenna's daddy,

Your words bring life to so many memories. They are a precious gift you give your best friend and she so loves them!

The dancing in your thoughts and dreams is beautiful - so graceful and loving, holding onto each other and then drifting apart, only to come together again. This time forever.

Pawprints in the snow speak volumes about the love and honor and tenderness you feel for your friend and companion. She leaves you a message that only you understand and then, POOF, it's gone and another will appear. I wish we had snow like that here. I used to live where it snowed like that and my first dog's prints were everywhere, mixed with mine as we played in the snow. See how the memories always come back when you need them? They never really leave you, just get filed in the brain file system.

And how you describe your best friend is almost beyond words as you melt the images, one into another! Though the paw prints may fade, as they do every Spring, they'll be back whenever you want them or need them. Jenna knows you better than you know yourself! what a treat!

Be well, my friend, and thank you from the depths of my heart for your devotion to "man's best friend".

Blessings..............
Bobbie (Trevor's mom)
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Bobbie
post Dec 14 2012, 07:39 PM
Post #49





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Oh, Jenna's daddy,

Thank you for so many compliments and kind, elegant words for me! As with you, I am inspired and open myself only to the closest of friends and comrads - those who will understand even if just a few words are written/spoken. So there you go, we share and we help each other and we think of each other the rest of the time. What a blessing for me! And the pictures, every one of them brought a smile to my face. To be that little girl again, but maybe not in Catholic school at the time. (yikes)

Today I took my dad to the cemetery and took down all the fall decorations and put up the Christmas ones. Someone had gone through the cemetery with a leaf blower or two so most everything of ours was blown all over the place. I still cannot find Trevor's rosary. No mind, I have others for him. This year I went simpler than others. I put up woden crosses that you pound into the groud which were decorated with little poinsettias and a red ribbon. Simple, yet powerful. Then each grave stone got a Christmas "decoration" statue that, hopefully will outlast the cold weather this time. I am thankful that I have been granted this holiday/holy day time to avoid any treatment. This way I can be with my boys when I want to. And I DO want to. Oh, and I decorated the bench that the cemetery director moved for me so many months ago, as I leaned into a large tree, crying next to their graves. So I would have a place to sit and stay with my boys. Enough about me.

Jenna's dad, your pain and grief are going to ebb and flow each and every day, still. And as long as you can stand up by yourself, walk, talk eat and breathe, that's still all you have to do and it means you ARE surviving. That's what Jenna wants and sends your way - the means to slowly pick yourself up and move forward (NOT move on) to peace and all the good memories. You can share them with your new little (?) love. THAT, too, makes Jenna very happy. Remember, like I told Grandpa, Jenna's Spirit is right next to your heart and feels your deep love and affection with every beat - every beat. Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings with those whom you trust and, slowly, ever so slowly, you will rise from the depths without even realizing it for awhile. Oh, you will still drop back into "the hole" now and again. I do and I go right back to the original feelings and sorrow. But, somehow, it's not quite as long as the first, second, third time, just a teeny bit shorter and comfort comes a bit more naturally and literally from Trevor. That's me. Not you. However you recover from this devastation, you will do it well and perfectly for Jenna and for you.

Just an example: My sister, Jeanne, calls me every night for the past 17 years. One night she wanted to ask me about my current Cocker Spaniel, Mr. Trevor himself. Instead she asked: "And how is Rudy?". So I replied, "Dead. Still dead." and we both laughed ourselves silly at being so stupid and yet, at the same time, glad that I could make a joke about my dear, departed best friend, Rudy. I'm not there yet with Trevor, but look forward to the day that I can laugh and smile about Trevor, too. Right now it's still too sacred to enter that space. But I know it will come. For me and for you.

So, peace be with you, also, on this very special December 14th. Peace.

Bobbie (Trevor's mom)
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Bobbie
post Jan 10 2013, 10:51 AM
Post #50





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Hi Jenna's Daddy!

Stopping by to say I love you and hope you are doing well. This is what I can write on the blackboard now: "got my appointments with all my surgeons for next week!!!!! That means surgery cannot be far off. It's about time!"

Big statement from a little girl. Not sure what the nuns would think, but don't care either!

Hang in there, my dear, dear friend! You are always on my mind. (remember Willie Nelson?)

Love,
XOXOxoxo
Bobbie & Trevor
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Bobbie
post Jan 11 2013, 10:55 PM
Post #51





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Dear Jenna's daddy,

OMG! Is that a picture of Jenna? She is gorgeous, no, beyond gorgeous into the catagory of ravishing and oh! so much fun! And if it isn't, then it ought to be because that is the picture you paint of your "Little Love Bug".

You say such kind and wonderful things about and to me. I am hardly worth all that. I think I have always been a certain type of people person, but am picky with that, too. Just now I am slowly finding out that the people in my (small) high school class admired me at the time! And I thought they all saw me as wierd, stuck up, one of those smarty-pants types. I didn't have many friends in HS because the main activity was going out and drinking beer. BORING! But, somehow, I never gave up on all people. I added doggies to my life - and even that took moving 1500 miles away to accomplish! But I did it! And I buried my first East Coast boy (Crocker Spaniel) just over 25 years ago in December. I will always remember Crocker and all the days we loved each other. Along with all my other boys (notice any partiality?? smile.gif )

It has only really come to the forefront in my 59th year on this earth that the only thing that matters is LOVE. (adding in a bit of religion) I read that all Jesus had was love and look at what He accomplished! So I figure, if God Almighty can BE love alone, I'd best do my darndest to do the same! I also think life experiences and others around you's response/reaction play a huge part in the ability to continue loving despite pain, sorrow, disappointment, loneliness and the occasional happiness we get!

And you know how to make me happy. Your words, at times cryptic, always thrill and honor me, as I feel you actually trust me. Now, THAT is a huge compliment for me from you! You see, I am gullible like crazy: I believe what people tell me until they are proven to be falsehoods. But I don't feel anyting false here. All I do is talk about me, me, me. The time will come soon, when I will need your loving, listening heart with my upcoming struggle. But, for now, let it be all about YOU!

I wish I could take every ounce of your pain and turn it into pure joy. But I cannot even do that for myself. Each pinch of heart & soul pain makes us that much stronger (even tho we don't feel like it) and that much more loving to the other creatures. For that is how we truly HONOR our dear departed loved ones. I honor Trevor's life by loving Kelley, even though very few, VERY FEW others even like him. I see into his eyes - that's how we talk - and know that he wants to be good, but has no guidance other than my occasional feeble attempts. And it's going to get worse before it gets better. But I WILL love him and Dreamer always. There I go again: mememememe.

Jenna's daddy, you are a man of great love, very special words and the ability to put the two together perfectly. Please know that I DO understand your pain and grief. How staggering it can be. But, also, how honoring of Jenna and encouraging for the rest of us. You ARE doing well, in this horrid grief journey. And don't ever forget, Trevor and I are always here for you - always.

Good night, my friend and Trevor's friend in Heaven! Sleep well................................

XOXOxoxo
Trevor's mom, Bobbie
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Jake'sGrandpa
post Apr 8 2013, 07:16 AM
Post #52





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Happy birthday, Jenna! And my very best to you, Todd. I know that you miss her a great deal, especially today. But take heart, my friend, one day we will all meet and play together at the Rainbow Bridge.

Gabe
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Jake'sGrandpa
post Apr 14 2013, 04:43 PM
Post #53





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Yes, I do understand your loss, Todd. I know that you and Jenna were very close, as I was with Jake. He passed away 9 months ago today, and I am still shrouded in a pervasive sense of sadness. The more you love someone or something, the more it hurts to lose them. Will we ever be OK again?
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Jake'sGrandpa
post Apr 22 2013, 08:23 AM
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You need no forgiveness, My Doxie and Me. You gave Jenna many years of love and the best care possible. Maybe the dry food made a difference, maybe (most probably) it didn't. Maybe the nitrates and preservatives in the cold cuts that I gave Jake caused or contributed to his cancer, and maybe they didn't, but I still feel guilty about it. Second guessing everything seems to be part of the grieving process. I do know that I loved Jake dearly and did everything humanly possible to keep him here, as you did for Jenna. There is nothing that we would not have done for them. Hold your head high, my friend.
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Gretta's Mom
post May 13 2013, 05:39 AM
Post #55





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Hello Jenna's Dad
This is Gretta and Rufus's mom. A short word about Bobbie - she's out of the hospital. Surgery went well and she passed a whole-body PET scan about 3 weeks ago. Diabetes continues to cause problems. Every couple of days I e-mail a small group of her in-person and e-friends about her condition. If you'd like I'd be more than happy to add you to this list. I know you were very close and your write the MOST beautiful poems.

Seeveral months after Gretta went home, I adopted Rufus, a big, beautiful half lab, half Newfie. I almost didn't because he was too "young". on 7 years old, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to care for him once I was on a fixed income. But his eyes, his beautiful eyes looked out from his aroption picture and said, "Please. let it me be." We had only 21 short months together. In March, while I was on the east coast helping Bobbie, he was found to have spleen cancer, which is particularly deadly and inoperable. It had spread to his heart. Like Gretta, his symptoms only appeared the day before his homegoing. But my heart will never get over my baby Rufus going home all alone, nobody to hold his giant head, nobody to stroke his velvet ears, nobody to tell him what a truly GOOD dog he is, nobody to tell him how much he is loved. I know he, as Trevor and Doxie and many, many others are in the Perfect World where there is only health, youth, happiness and love and where they wait to meet us at the gate when we arrive, never to be separated again. But, my friend, as you know, the sword in the heart will remain until that time.

Enough sadness. Today is Rufus's birthday ( I count his adoption day as his birthday). I'm having a little party for him here on earth - just one earthly friend and her big Golden. But there is going to be a big party up in the perfect World and I want to extend a special invitation to Jenna.

Dear Jenna

Have you met a big, black, almost-lab yet? He's kind of a newbie but he's been there long enough to find his sister, Gretta, and many of our LS friends. Today is his birthday and there is going to be a party today where you guys live now. We want you to be a guest of honor, Jenna. Can you make it? (Gretta will come looking for you and try to coax you into wandering over if she doesn't see you wink.gif Rufus would love to honor you at the party. Gather up all your Perfect World relatives and friends and gallop on over when you hear the fun starting. Perfect World cake and ice cream never run short and never make anybody sick! We love you, Jenna, and we love your dad very much, too. Hope you can make it!

Gretta and Rufus's mom

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Gretta's Mom
post May 20 2013, 06:14 AM
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Oh Gretta

My Doxie and written a beautiful poem for us. I hope he doesn't go away like he said one time he would. He asked for a day in your life and we are going to give him one - your best day. Should we give him the day we met and you laid your head on my lap and pawed my leg as if to ask, "Please take me home."? Or should we give him the day we had our pledge talk and gave our hearts to each other for real? Or should we give him one of the days we jogged down a mile on the median of Summit Avenue, running in the sun like two goofy oldsters? Or should we give him a day when you so patiently wore you pink sweater and boots and sox and trudged through the winter snow?

I've got an idea: Let's give him ALL those days, OK?

I knew you'd say yes. You are thie kindest chocolate lab who ever lived.
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Jake'sGrandpa
post Jun 10 2013, 07:38 AM
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That is beautiful, Todd. Thank you for posting it.
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Gretta's Mom
post Jun 13 2013, 08:22 PM
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Oh Todd

How can i ever thank you for another beautiful poem for Gretta and Rufus and me and the extraordinary picture of the White Buffalo. I am going to put it on my laptop as a screen image.

Your words are so perfect, so ethereal, like a soft breath on my soul.

Thank youu for being my friend.

Jeanne (Gretta and Rufus's mom)
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Gretta's Mom
post Jul 22 2013, 07:06 PM
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My Doxie and Me

what touching poetry. All about goodbye. A goodbye that I have said twice and must soon say again. the hardest goodbye of all.

Thank you to a poet who can look right into our hearts and say what is there.

Tears are falling for all the days that will not be, at least for a while. One will live in one plane and on in another. No one has ever been there and come back to tell the truth about that other plane.

we believe because if we didn't we would all shrivel up like fall leaves and blow away - no hope to anchor us. No hope to push us through another day and another and another .... until the days run out and we need to send our favorite to the soul-mates waiting on that believed-in plane.

Thank you My Doxie and Me for being our friend and for opening your heart and writing words that open the shades of our hearts and allow the tears to come out.

That is true love.

Gretta and Rufus's mom
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Bobbie
post Aug 15 2013, 07:45 PM
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Hello Jenna's Daddy!

I just finished reading your posts that I missed since the end of January. I MISSED YOU AND JENNA TREMENDOUSLY! I thought of you so many times and of your precious, precious Jenna, wondering how you were doing. It seems as if you are going in two directions at the same time. Rather, one direction and one same direction. You told Jenna about Fostering Doxies and that is the most wondrous of gifts that you can give to Jenna and all the little Doxies under your care! You are doing something that I couldn't, for I have a LaSov-saying, "Once in my house, always in my house." And you so continue to ask for forgiveness from your Doxies where there is guilt felt by you. Remember, Todd, that hindsight is 20/20. If we knew then what we now know....... You gave Jenna the most unconditional love possible and she knew that every day of her joyous life with you. But we are human, not dogs, so we carry burdensome guilt like a sackcloth. IF Jenna had anything to forgive you of it would be your total love and dedication to a most grateful doggie. That's not bad.

I still miss Trevor every single day. I taped his picture onto the dash of our car so I can see him every day and scratch his little nose. His second year Angelversary is coming upon us, or has it already passed when I was in the hospital. Not one day is easier than the next except that Father Time has begun to soothe my heart and soul. I have been able to visit Trevor and his brothers' mortal graves twice since I have been home, having Stan and Jeanne take down the Christmas decorations I'd put up and leaving freshly laundered Beanie Baby doggies with Trevor. We also put out flags and whirlygigs at each grave. I plan to go back very soon.

I am still very weak and deconditioned from the multiple and prolonged hospitalizations. I am back on chemotherapy, though. My boys, Dreamer and Kelley (yes, I have two more Cocker Spaniel mixes from the same rescue group) keep me company every day, sleeping with us at night and going for walks with Jeanne in the morning.

God bless you, Jenna's daddy! YOU are very special to me and always will be. I remain that little girls with the blackboard and chalk...............

XOXOxoxo
Bobbie
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