I've been visiting this site since Feb 4th the day I found out my 16 year old Siberian Husky Sasha had liver cancer. I haven't been able to bring myself to post until today. She lost her eyesight 3 years ago but still did great. We took her to the vet after a week of having accidents in the house which was very unlike her. The news was bad. At least we had a month to say goodbye. My husband and I work from home so we got to spend every last minute with her. We moved downstairs to the hideabed because she had to go out every couple of hours or so. She had a hard time getting up but walked ok once she was on her feet. My husband bought a back brace and popped ibuprofen like crazy but carried all 85 pounds of her outside at least 10 to 12 times a day. In the freezing cold, in the rain in the middle of the night it didn't matter, he never complained once, he adored her. I brought Sasha home when she was 6 weeks old. She was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen, she looked up at me with her big blue eyes and I was wrapped around her paw forever. I always said she wasn't my dog I was her human. We were inseperable, always together. She could sense when I was sad or upset and would come lay her head on my lap and nudge me with her nose like its going to be ok you have me. When I was sick she wouldn't leave my side.
I wanted her to go in her sleep. I prayed I wouldn't have to make that decision. But she was too tough she fought so hard to stay with us because she knew we would be lost without her. That day came and we knew it was time. We laid in bed with her from 7am until 4pm watching the clock knowing we were spending our last hours with her. We snuggled her and told her we loved her a million times. I felt like I was dying. We don't have kids she was our child. Horrific is the only word I can think of that even comes close to describing what we had to do. She was so scared, all I could think of was her last thought on earth was that I took her to the bad place that she hated. Does she know I did this out of love? Please let her know that. I couldn't stand the thought of her suffering anymore. Does she know how much I love her and miss her? We held her until the end. It replays in my mind constantly like a movie. The vet saying "she's gone". The pain physically hurts.The house is so empty and quiet. I can barely function. Nothing matters, I feel like a zombie. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my husband isn't there. We have her doggie bed next to ours on the floor. I find him laying there next to it crying. I don't know what I did to deserve her but I thank God everyday for our time together. An Angel like her comes around once in a lifetime if you are lucky. The years of joy and happiness she brought us is worth this pain. We will see her again someday I know she is waiting for us, our bond will never be broken.

im so sorry for your loss. what a beautiful picture. i know how bad it hurts as i too lost my pet not too long ago. my prayers are with you and your family. patricia

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could offer you words of comfort that will fill the hole that was left behind. I lost my 8 month old puppy last Saturday and I feel like life will never be normal again. He was my baby boy. I also have a 10 year old collie/retriever that is getting stiff in the back legs and I think everyday about what it's going to feel like to lose him too someday.

You and your husband are such special people and it's very evident that you loved Sasha. So many people get dogs and never treat them as part of the family. I think it's safe to say that Sasha is grateful to you for taking away the pain. Although we never want to lose our fur-babies, it's up to us to make sure that they move on when their quality of life is zero - and I think you did that. That's what I kept insisting at the emergency clinic - as long as Jazzy will have a good quality of life, do everything you can to save him - put all the broken bones back together and we'll deal with the physical therapy. But once they found the fracture in the spine, they knew he would be paralyzed and for my Jazzy who loved to run, the quality of life went to zero.

I'm so glad you decided to post. I hope you keep us up to date on how you're feeling and what's going on in your life. There are some very caring people here.

((((HUGS))))
Deanna in Michigan

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know how hard it is. We had to say good bye to our 12 year old Casey on Nov 13 due to lung cancer. It was heartbreaking, but we knew he was having a hard time breathing and we could not watch him suffer. Life has not been the same without him. We do have other pets, but I look at his favorite chair or rug and my heart just aches. I know he is no longer suffering and that brings me comfort. I still feel that I somehow failed him. I know how empty you feel without your beloved Sasha, it will get better with time. I know Sasha is in Heaven awaiting your arrival, what a day that will be for all of you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Karen

Hi, SashaBear, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Sasha. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is never easy, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can once again be happy and healthy in heaven's perfect garden. I, too, have never liked taking my furkids to the vet office for their final journey - - it's like having a human family member or friend die in a hospital or nursing home. But the most important thing for you to believe in your heart is that your precious Sasha does know that you did the very best for her at all times and in all circumstances -- including easing her transition from the pain and suffering of her mortal physical body. The healing grief journey is very painful in the early stages - - both physically and emotionally - - so it is very important that you and your husband do whatever helps you to ease the adjustment to not having Sasha physically present with you. When my number one kitty son Eli died 28 months ago I slept with his collar under my pillow and would hold onto one of his blankets when the deep grief was very painful and sorrowful. In time I hope you will know that your relationship with Sasha has only temporarily changed to a different dimension that transcends both time and space. Sasha is still with you as she always has been and is sharing your daily lives as she always has - - and will. It is so good that you have found this grief support so that you will know you are not alone in your grief healing journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughs and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Patricia,Deanna,Karen & Moonbeam
Thank you so much for your kind words of support. They mean alot to me. It helps
to know there are others that understand. I thought there for awhile I was getting a little better
but for whatever reason the last 2 days have been especially hard.

I've read so many posts the last few months and I've cried for those pets that I never knew just like I cried for my Sasha. Reading the words that people have written , I can feel the pain and despair in them and sometimes it feels like it's too much to bear.

My husband keeps telling me that Sasha hated it when I was upset and would hate to see me the way I am now. I know he's right but it's so hard. I try to picture her now healthy and happy and best of all I know she can see again. It broke my heart when she went blind.

Mommy and Daddy love and miss our little white wolf so very much

Beautiful pictures of Sasha!!!!!

Sounds like you were truely blessed to have been giving the time you shared with her!!!
Yes, the decision is very hard, but always remember it was because you love her!!

That saying if you love something set it free. That is what you did. Sent her to the Rainbow Bridge. No ailing body, no pain.

You sound like a very strong person. It will be a long bumpy road, but you will get through this. One day at a time.

Hugs to you and your new Angel Sasha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SashaBear
I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Sasha. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I had a little girl, Sasha, too, my beloved cat companion, who died nearly 6 years ago. The pain of losing her was nearly unbearable, like yours and your husbands. May you find deep comfort here.

Diana, I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious Sasha. Thank you for sharing the pictures with us. When I read your post my heart went out to you and your husband. I understand the pain you are feeling. I would like to share my story with you.

In 2004 I had to put my (Abby) almost 17 yr. old lab/whippet to sleep. Her body was just giving out on her and I knew it was time. My other pure lab (Lizzy) and I were so lost. I was going through a divorce and then moved out of state. Liz was my strength through all of it. I then adopted a lab pup and Liz thought she was Elly's momma. Liz was 6...but acted like a puppy again. I was on top of the world with my 2 beautiful cream colored babies. Liz was very healthy...until the day I found the lump. I was shocked when the vet said it was stage 3 inoperable cancer. The meds bought Liz more time and we made sure to make every day special. She was an incredibly strong and happy dog. She greeted me at 5am each day with her ball ready to play. Knowing she had cancer was so hard....as she was only 9. I felt like we were so cheated as she was young in my eyes. The only thing that helped was recalling the wonderful happy years we shared. I took tons of photos of Liz which I treasure. Losing Liz was incredibly sad. But, I had to be thankful for the time we shared. I worked hard to be strong like Liz was. Like Sasha, she didn't like to see me sad either. Several months later I adopted an adorable white lab (Mandy). She and Elly are now best friends and I laugh at their silly antics. Mandy does alot of the same silly things Liz used to. I believe Liz led me to find Mandy. Once in awhile I talk to Liz and hope she is looking down at us from Heaven.

I hope my story has offered you some hope. Everyone grieves in their own way/time. It's not an easy road....but worth going through the pain....as I know you have so many wonderful memories. Try and feel the strength that Sasha had. And remember, that she will always hold a special place in your heart.