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> Overwhelming Guilt And Grief
rushi
post Jul 2 2015, 03:04 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 3
Joined: 2-July 15
Member No.: 8,650



Hi I just lost one of my best friends to a horrific accident on Tuesday.
I let my babies out for a pee like any other morning and went down to have a shower only to find my beloved 13 year old Scottie floating in the pool.
He had bad legs and I keep going over in my head how this could have happened. Did his mind slip for a minute, did he lose his balance.
He knew his yard and had walked it 1000s of times. Had I not let him out that morning, maybe had I come back upstairs 10 minutes earlier, I could have saved him.
The guilt and remorse I feel is so overwhelming. I want to stop missing him and going over everything in my mind over and over again.
I do find some solace in knowing that he is no longer in pain but that doesn't suffice. What do I do? How do I get through the days and long nights. I look over at his pillow beside my bed and Iwant
to see him lying there. I can't speak to anyone at work as when they ask how I'm doing I just start crying. The rest of the family does not feel the pain like I did as he was my shadow. He loved me
and I him, like no other.

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lynette
post Jul 2 2015, 04:20 PM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 363
Joined: 1-April 09
From: Fisher Branch, Manitoba Canada
Member No.: 5,667



Hi.

So very sorry for your loss. All of us here know only to well the tremendous pain you're feeling. Guilt too. And I know nothing I can say will make things any easier for you today. We've all been there, some of us many, many times. The what-ifs, the onlys, etc can eat you alive. I know - been there. Still have those moments. I'm sure what you did was the same thing you do everyday. Just this time something horrible happened. It's not your fault. Unfortunately we can't protect them every second of every day. I miss my George - if only I hadn't cut his nails the night before, if only I had made him go inside that morning. George had a mind of his own and I don't think I would've gotten him in no matter how hard I tried that fateful morning. It doesn't make things any easier though.

This is a really great website. I found it a few weeks before we had to say so long to Hunny. I don't have the support at home either. I knew my husband and daughter were hurting too, but they dealt with it differently. I needed to "talk" to them (my dogs). And I couldn't talk for the crying anyway. It's been 7 years since we lost Lily tragically, 6 since Hunny had to leave because of her cancer and 1 1/2 since George. I miss them so unbelievably. I still cry when I think of them. I come here every once in a while just to write to them. To let them know what's going on and to tell them I love and miss them. Weird maybe, I don't know and I don't really care. I'm not a religious person, but I like to think I'll see them again one day.

You will find some very comforting people on this website. (I'm not good at this). But in time, the pain does lessen. So, for now all you can do is just take it one minute at a time. If you cry, you cry - there is nothing wrong with that. These animals are more than just pets, they're family. They are our kids, our babies. So, it's gonna hurt for a long time. And perhaps, like me, you'll open your heart to another furry baby. Yes, and with that comes, more grief eventually, but hey I wouldn't give up the time I've had with mine for anything in this world.

Take care. I'll be thinking of you.

Lynette.

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rushi
post Jul 2 2015, 05:23 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 3
Joined: 2-July 15
Member No.: 8,650



Lynette

Thanks so much for your kind words. There is something comforting in knowing I am not alone and someone else understands my pain. I am taking a day at a time and even going to attend a pet loss support group on Sunday. I just wish that I didn't let him down in the end when he would have been looking for me. I think this is the hardest thing to get out of my mind. I know he knew I loved him, and I too hope I see him again in a better place.
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Stormycloud
post Jul 2 2015, 09:41 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 59
Joined: 24-February 10
From: Canada
Member No.: 6,384



Hi thereRushi ,

I just want to say how sorry I am for your and your dog, how utterly heartbreaking. If it's any consolation to you, I would never have understood the feelings you are having right now until I lost my dog Storm in 2010 - I didn't know what hit me. It was devastating.
I also think that many people who have not experienced the death of a truly beloved pet will never 'get it', so, you've come to the right place.
If there is anything I can say to you is please don't beat yourself up, your little dog wouldn't ever want that.
Again, I am so sorry - but please try not to feel so guilty.
Hugs to you, it really is so rough.
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LittleGirl's...
post Jul 3 2015, 10:30 AM
Post #5





Group: Moderators
Posts: 845
Joined: 24-March 04
From: Maine
Member No.: 274



Dear Rushi,

I am so very sorry about the physical passing of your precious Scottie. As the others have said, I sincerely hope that you are able to let go of any and all guilt.

Your sweet baby is still with you--but not in physical form that you can see and hug. And he will never know any physical or emotional pain; he's in a blissful state and is not thinking even for a split second about the accident. All that exists is pure Love--and you 2 will always share that. In the future, you will be completely reunited, and in the meantime what would be best for you and for Scottie is for you to treat yourself with as much love and kindness as you possibly can. If the roles were reversed and it had been you who had passed first, you would not want Scottie feeling a shred of guilt. That is what Scottie wants for you. wub.gif

I hope you check back when you can and let us know how you are doing.

Sending you prayers of peace and healing!!

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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moon_beam
post Jul 3 2015, 11:09 AM
Post #6


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, rushi, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Scottie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

As our forum friends have so comfortingly shared with you, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Please let me try to reassure you that each of us experience the feelings of guilt / remorse which is one of the more difficult emotions to reconcile because it comes from looking back and trying to make sense of all the whys, what ifs, and if onlys that haunt and torture our hearts and minds when we are so emotionally vulnerable.

As our forum friend Lynette has already shared with you, what happened to your beloved Scottie was a tragic accident. She is so right when she shares with you: "It's not your fault. Unfortunately we can't protect them every second of every day." Unfortunately we are not omnipotent - - we do not possess the power of knowing what will happen, when it will happen. Sometimes we can be in the right place at the right time to try to prevent or minimize a dangerous situation, but because we are limited to the physical laws of time and space on this side of eternity we cannot be in two places at one time in this physical realm.

Although you are now on a very painful journey adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Scottie, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Scottie share. Please permit me to add my reassurance to you that the love bond you and your beloved Scottie share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Scottie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, rushi - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. I hope you will find support and encouragement from the grief support group on Sunday. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Scottie with us, rushi. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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