Our poor little lady was two weeks shy of her five year birthday - far too young to leave us! She contracted Lyme disease (we're fraught with it here in the NE), but instead of going to her joints as is usually the case it went straight to her little kidneys and just decimated them.

We were able to treat the disease with diet and medication for just under two months as Lyme-induced renal failure is particularly aggressive. Then on Sunday the 14th her little nose started bleeding and she was whimpering and scared not understanding what was happening. We soothed her and mopped her nose and told her not to worry about the mess, everything was OK, Mommy and Daddy were right here, no worries. She bled off and on all day, and when she wasn't bleeding she was sneezing because clots would form in her nose.

Monday morning I called and made an appointment for 2:30 that afternoon with her favorite non-threatening lady vet and we went and she sat in her Daddy's lap where she always feels most safe and it was quick and the life just left her beautiful brown eyes. They left us to take as much time as we needed and told us we could leave through the back door. We wrapped Isabel in one of her favorite Daddy-shirts and put her in an Easter basket.

When we got home, my husband dug a grave by the fishpond he had built which she had thought was her own personal waterpark. She had "helped" Daddy with some of the concrete and left a pawprint in the concrete which is now her grave marker. We opened her wrappings one last time, put in her favorite toys and gave her head one last stroke. Then we lowered her into the ground, we each threw a handful of dirt in and then my husband finished with the shovel. I'm glad we live in the country where we can do this, and I'm glad we own our home and are never planning on leaving so that we'll always be close to her.

Now - if I could just remember how to breath... I know I used to do this without thinking, but now everything is an effort - and did I mention this huge very painful weight on my chest? When might that be leaving because I don't like it at all and it seems to get heavier every time I think of Isabel. And I can't seem to stop thinking of Isabel - and crying - and more crying. Reading your stories I know you all know how I feel and it feels good just to get this story out to listeners with sensative ears. This website is a Godsend!

I am so sorry for your loss and wish I could take the hurt away.
Everyone on this site understands your pain because we have all been through it, in my own case twice last year.
Take care you are in my thoughts.
Cleo1

Dear Isabel's Mommy you are going through something extremely difficult and you have been very kind and brave for Isabel's sake. Like Cleo 1 just said we all understand your pain and we are here for you.




It seems to me that when they leave us the pain continues to be borne, only now it's just by us. There is no way around it, it is a time to suffer. a time to cry. a time where perhaps you will want to sleep all the time or if you're like me you will need to be exhausted before you dare get yourself to bed and even then you will not get much sleep so you will spend many hours just grieving in whatever way you choose to do it. Know that it will get better even if you fell like it never will. You will become able to cope with this loss even if this loss will be felt throughout your life. Remember that the loss is physical only, the soul lives on. I hope that you will eventually start to feel what I have felt, that your soulmate is there with you, that huge very painful weight on your chest will grow into a lighter weight that lets you feel she is there, that when you sleep at night you will see a shadow and know that it is Isabel who is in the room with you, in other forms as well ,she is now larger than life, bigger than this whole world and all over and around in her love. I hope that some magic moments will occur to soothe you. I lost my two cats at this time last year, I've gone almost every day where they were buried and the spot where they are, the whole area surrounding them has become so beautiful, like it never was before. They have made this corner of the world a magical spot. I have gone during the night and marvelled at all the bright stars in the sky, the beauty in the still calm night, the huge sturdy trees above and the mysterious skies further on. From my kitchen window I have seen a few times a cat that looked exactly like my soulmate there sitting next to their grave, where did it come from, I have no idea which cat this could be but I have seen there it on two occasions so far, it gave me hope, not that that cat was my Yukon come back but that Yukon had sent that cat there to show me he is now as young and healthy as the one there and all is well, all the illness was taken away and life goes on in another form and he is happy about that. The other day above my cats' grave I saw a young owl perched on a branch, at first I thought with the gold colour and the ears it was my magic cat sitting on a branch looking at me,then I realized it was a young owl, I started to cry and he was blinking his eyes in love at me, just like my soulmate used to do. Although I can't make sense of all this , I just take it as many manifestations of the love and mystery and hope to be had. Take care, this is so hard but you will come out richer and stronger for it. Courage and love for you , toonie

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I am glad you had a place to rest your sweet Isabel and you can visit her and she can watch over you.

Sending you thoughts & hugs.

What heart wrenching story!!! So sad to lost her so young, my heart gos out to you. We are here you for you in the weeks to come......

Hugs, Misty's Mama

I'm so sorry for your loss. Isabel sounded so sweet and I know that she was young and it happened so fast. I am here for you. Please know that we all understand how you are feeling and it is through this bond that we all have with each other that I trust will help us get through this pain.

I know how heavy your chest can get. When I had to put my little Duffy to sleep in September, I held him, and when he stopped breathing, I felt like I had. I asked the vet if I could leave the room immediately afterward for a few minutes just to catch my breath. My chest was as heavy as I have ever felt it and I rushed outside into the parking lot where it was pouring and I finally took a deep breath. Since then, my chest has been heavy and every so often I have to remember to breathe. The same thing hsa been true with eating for me. It's been so hard.

People say that it gets easier and that makes sense but I know that we will never forget our babies and we will miss them until the day we leave this world. Lately, I have been waking up in the mornings with another memory of Duffy that used to make me laugh.

Please know that my heart goes out to you.

Hugs to you,
Stephanie