My 3 Babies... Options

[BCrossan]

Let me start off by saying that I know this is a bit odd and thus why I thought it best to post this topic in here since there are no forums for my exact need, but I had nowhere else to turn and figured I might be able to find some support here. My 3 cats are still alive and well, but I am in the process of looking to place them into a pet shelter.

My 3 cats have been my babies, my kids, my joy and pretty much the only reason I have struggled with life for the past 3 years since losing my job, my marriage and my house. I was given the opportunity to live with my mother (and sadly I'm 45 yrs old), but she wouldn't allow pets in her house so she gave me money to move out to Ohio and I lived there for 2 yrs but after finding a job I had problems with my legs that wouldn't allow me to stand for longer then a few minutes to an hour tops, before the pain was unbearable.

I was then given an apartment to stay in Arkansas with in online friend... but now 6 months later I am being told I have to leave. As I said above... my cats may be alive still, but I have been with them (the oldest) for 6 yrs, the middle one for 5 yrs and the youngest for 3 yrs and the pain I am experiencing is the same, if not greater then that of when my beloved Candy had to be put to sleep just 3 1/2 yrs ago at the age of 8 because of renal failure.

The thought of not having my babies there for me when I wake is just so intense. I find myself crying just thinking of the day they wont be here with me anymore and I feel like I don't want to live without them. Personally I feel this is more painful then when I lost my Candy... though the pain was strong... I at least knew she was in a better place and wasn't living in pain anymore. But this... I feel worse because of not only the grief of my little buddies being with me anymore... but also the grief of things like:

Being stuck in a shelter and them not seeing me anymore and feeling abandoned.

Not being taken care of properly by the shelter or their new owners.

The grief they are experiencing not only with me not there but also not being with each other anymore.

I don't think I deal with this... its too painful.