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Sashas_Dad_Michael
57 years old
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Seattle
Born Aug-18-1962
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Sashas_Dad_Michael

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17 Feb 2014
Hi. I'm Sashas dad Michael and we just lost our baby girl Sasha, Feb 12, 2014 after battling Chronic Renal Failure.

I'm basically at a loss at this point and I'm hoping maybe someone here has or is, experiencing what I'm about to mention.

Not only am I dealing with the surreal event of losing my baby girl, Sasha Kitty, but now I'm trying to deal with my wifes emotions. Lisa is Sashas momma and loved her dearly, and Sasha loved her momma, but even Lisa knows that Sasha was my kitty. Not to be callous, but it wouldn't matter if Lisa was around or not. I was all that mattered to Sasha. Lisa knows this and has even said herself that Sashas sun rose and set on me. Daddy was her world.

I want to mention this before continuing. I love Lisa dearly. She's an awesome lady and is very kind and loving and my best human friend. I wouldn't trade her for the world. She has the biggest heart.

For the first two days after Sasha passed, we grieved normally I guess. But then Saturday morning, Lisa started getting upset with me. I woke up before her and was in my studio gathering pics of Sasha and starting a slide show. She normally comes in and hangs out with me while I'm working on the weekends, and we drink coffee and talk. This time she just said hi and left. I went out a while later and noticed something was wrong and asked her. She said she was lonely and felt like I was pulling away from her and that she felt I felt, she couldn't comfort me anymore. She said I was stuck in front of the computer. I told her that wasn't true. I was just doing what I normally do , but that she didn't stay, and I said it wasn't fair for her to be upset with me for something she did.
We talked, then cried, and I thought we had worked it out. I stayed with her in the front room for the rest of the day, blindly watching TV.

Sunday comes along, she hung out with me in the studio then took a shower. She got all dressed up like we were going on a date. I decided to hang out with her in the front room so she wouldn't get upset with me for working on Sashas slideshow. Then she gets up pissed and goes and takes off her heels and puts on slippers. I asked her what was wrong and she said she changed shoes because I seemed like I wasn't in the mood to "appreciate" her. I was dumbfounded that she was thinking this way. My thoughts were, seriously? You want to have sex while I'm devastated by the loss of my cat and you're pissed that I'm not in the mood?
I spent the rest of the day in the front room blindly watching TV again, so as not to piss her off.

Now I feel as if I don't have the option to grieve in my own way because it will upset her. Now I feel guilty for being sad. I am starting to feel bitterness towards her because it seems like she wants my entire focus to be on her. Like she's jealous of my feelings for my baby girl. She may have a point if it was 6 months down the road, but its only been 4 days. I honestly feel like she's being selfish and I have resentment towards her because of that.

I can't stand these bad feelings I'm having towards my Lisa. She says she hurts because I hurt and because she can't fix it, but getting upset with me isn't going to help.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, please give me advice. Its tough enough dealing with the loss of Sasha in and of itself. Is this common in families after a loss?
I'm already doubting myself on having Sasha put to sleep when I was supposed to be the one to protect her and make sure no harm came to her. Feeling guilt, self loathing, 2nd guessing, betrayal and begging my Sashas forgiveness for letting her down.


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18 Feb 2014 - 5:47

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