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> Do Finders Have To Be Keepers?, Not bonding with Sable
Mink&WillowsMom
post Feb 15 2008, 02:05 PM
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I started this on Found a Kitty, but since it really opens up a whole new aspect, I'm starting a new topic here. Admin: you can move this to New Beginnings if it feels like a better fit, but the guts of my concern centers on having found a lost cat, not choosing a new beginning with one. Folks on this thread have been following Sable's tale, so I'd like them to be able to find this post and help me through it.

*** Okay, I'm taking a cue from the gent who wrote "Confession" (see Death and Dying), and Paris' reluctant disclosure about Bennett.

I've been struggling with feelings of not wanting Sable in my home.

Luna, Rohan, and Willow all guardedly walk past her, because she stares them down and lashes out sometimes. The warily pass by, tense and back stiff. There haven't been a lot of fistfights, but the honeymoon is definitely over, and sometimes Sable chases them, especially Luna, with lots of hissing and spitting. (Usually on Luna's part.)

Sable's kidneys are "weak." The doc says it's not kidney failure, but suggested I put her on the special NF diet as a protective measure. I'm just not willing to do that -- I've tried it with other cats and they all hate it. And with four, there'd be no way to switch just hers. I may as well just throw the money in the trash, because that's where all the food ends up. I'm willing to try other dietary changes, but not NF. She goes through an ungodly amount of kitty litter -- she pees as much as the other three combined. I'm awash in litter granules.

After years of caring for failing, elderly kitties, it was a joy to adopt new kittens. Willow, Rohan, and Luna are all abundantly healthy. What a relief of have a healthy, robust home. And after caring for my elderly, ailing father, and then to have been released from that when he died, I am SO unwilling to step back to caring for something in ill health. It's a stress that wears on me heavily. She doesn't groom herself well, she looks all rumply and unkempt. She's docile, and her mood is even, and purrs, and occasionally tries to play, but she's not robust. She now weighs 9 lbs, 1 oz (up from 5-10 when I found her).

But how can I ask someone else to adopt a health-compromised animal? I feel stuck with her. Maybe, with more time, she'll bond with some of us, but it hasn't happened yet. The local Kitten Rescue is just about to launch into kitten season, and if I insisted they take her, I think I'd ruin my goodwill with them (I used to volunteer there). One option, is they might be willing to advertise her on the website, as long as I continue to foster her.

I just feel like I'm a bad mom, and being selfish for wanting a home of harmony and health, needy kitties need not apply. sad.gif Kimberly


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Zita'sMom
post Feb 15 2008, 07:16 PM
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Hi Kimberly

I don't know if my comments will be helpful, I can only tell you what I've experienced personally. I adopted a dog from across the country that turned out to be a real jerk. wink.gif I asked the foster home and rescue organization a *lot* of questions before adopting, I had him vet checked and even had his hips x-rayed because he was going to be my agility dog. I promised the rescue organization, thinking I had a pretty firm grasp on his character, that I would work out whatever issues cropped up. When I saw him in his crate I thought he was the most beautiful dog ever. Within a month he had bit the dog I'd had for 14 years almost in the eye, he had grabbed my cat by the leg (she ended up getting liver cancer and I do wonder if the stress accelerated things), and mashed up my hand giving me a permanent scar (I was holding him back from biting my old dog who had picked up a bone at the time). Rehoming came to mind a number of times, but frankly no-one wants a dog like this. I guess I can say I have learned a few things about controlling dog aggression, and his tendencies are now well managed. He is far from perfect. He has occasional seizures and he has something like Attention Deficit Disorder. Any stimulation gets him totally over the top, but not so aggressive as before.

Just the other day my husband and I were saying how much energy we've had to put into him to make him a reasonable dog. It hasn't been easy.

I know two other families who got rid of similar dogs, one through euthanasia, one went back to the shelter. I couldn't bring a dog like him back to a shelter as I know how much that would mess him up more, and euthanasia, well, I don't disagree with it for some situations because an unmanageable pet does affect the quality of life for everyone else involved. I can't judge what is right or wrong, just saying that I know the feelings involved. I chose to stick with it. Was it fair to my previous cat and dog? No, not really. I did everything I could to keep things completely controlled and keep my original pets safe and happy. My first pets always come first, but situations are not always so simple. I will probably spend his lifetime trying to find ways to calm him, although he is a thousand times better than when I first got him. I could never rehome him now even though at times I've really hated him for his behaviour.

So there are no easy answers. You could offer to foster and advertise her, that sounds pro-active. At least that would open up the possibility of a different home. Ultimately I don't know what is right, but I think most of us have the answers within. There are so many unhealthy, aggressive, or behaviorally challenged pets around and not nearly the resources to help those dealing with it (especially aggressive dogs). I tend to keep my animals even if they turn out to be totally rotten, but each situation is entirely different, and as I said, I cannot judge.

So that's probably not much help, but just what I've gone through.

Jan.
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post Feb 15 2008, 08:52 PM
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the post fits here just fine. and it's a tough rope to walk. as with humans, pets also have distinct personalities. and unfortunately, also as with humans, not all of their personalities are good. add in poor health, aggressive behavior, and disharmony in the home...i am sure it is not a great situation.


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Mink&WillowsMom
post Feb 16 2008, 03:40 AM
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See, and that's what makes this tough: it's not a bad situation. Right now she's asleep on a chair about 5 feet away, Rohan is lying next to me on the recliner, and Willow is asleep on a nearby footstool. Everything is totally calm and peaceful. A Feliway atomizer is plugged in. A flower essence mix of mallow, birch, and elm is dropped into their water every time it's refreshed. Earlier this evening Sable and Willow touched noses (first time). She raised her paw and he backed off, but her paw was slow and symbolic, not attacking. (Willow still skulked away, pansy that he is.)

That's why I have such a hard time admitting these feelings -- it's not a horrible, tense, warfare situation. It's just a persistent sense of "this isn't what I ordered." It's not awful, it's just not what I want.

There's lots else going on contributing to this. The first anniversary of my father's death is fast approaching. A year ago this time he was just heading into his final nosedive. He died at home; I live across the road and was able to take care of him, though at the end it was intensely consuming; downright scary. A potent cue for me is the angle of the light in the sky, and the garden moving toward Spring. And the wrens pinwheeling in the sky -- I remember sitting in my hot tub last year, watching the birds, knowing that Dad would be dying soon. Now, each day brings me back to remembering that countdown, and the weary grief it brought.

And I'm recovering SO slowly from this car accident. It's been 4 months now, and my neck and upper back are still so limited. I have two body work and two chiro appointments a week, and there's still so many things I can't do. Lifting, vacuuming, repairing my pond, starting the remodel on the lake house, being able to attend the Home Show and collect brochures, etc. (Tried that last one two weeks ago and I'm still paying the price.)

Sable has many good qualities. Her mood is even, and she's usually quiet and docile. She licks my fingers when I pet her. She purrs easily. If I plunk her on my lap, sometimes she stays for a little while. 98% of the time she's polite and peaceable with the other kitties.

But she's so rumpled and unkempt. (How I wish she'd let Rohan groom her, he's a master at it.) Perhaps I'm just underestimating how long it's taking her to recover from being so frail. She's never jumped up in my lap. That other 2% of the time she stares down the other cats, or lunges at them. She goes through a phenomenal amount of kitty litter. She keeps to herself most of the time.

It all comes down to the fact she hasn't really bonded with any of us yet. If I knew she was going to get chummy and comfortable, I'd relax. But when I had Tin and Cheddar, they coexisted as reluctant siblings for years, never quite liking each other. Since my other three are joyously bonded with each other now (Willow finally suc%%bed to Rohan's adoration), I don't want to 'go back' to Tin and Cheddar's reluctant detente.

Everything all together feels overwhelming and stressful. My job is wickedly draining. My brother's side business (he's on disability) just collapsed, and with his victim mentality, he's going to pull in, shut down, and become the paranoid hermit he's been training for. Since he is also my neighbor, it's going to be hard to deal with his self-pity and not get drawn into rescuing.

So I'm dealing with pain, weakness, stress, and grief. Oh, and hot flashes. With a few panic attacks thrown in for good measure. A loving, healthy, harmonious home is so necessary... I need a haven to retreat to. Your support here has been so helpful in the past, and I'm gonna need it getting through the next several weeks. (Dad's date is March 26th.)

One of the things I'm trying to remember is how inevitable her rescue was the moment I saw her, stranded in the middle of the freeway. Several of my friends are convinced that she crossed my path for a purpose; that fate handed her to me for a reason. When I'm in less pain, and less emotionally worn out, it's easier to remember, even if I don't know why yet. ~Kimberworn


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Mink&WillowsMom
post Feb 17 2008, 12:52 AM
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Oy. How quickly perspectives shift. Just a few minutes ago Sable threw up clear liquid definitely tinged pink. That can only be blood, right? Is there anything else that would do that? Bile is yellow, her food is brown.

She was just at the vet's, and his exam found little other than the weak kidneys. Oh, and roundworms. Her first set of labs showed anemia, but given how malnourished she was, that made sense. Does she have a GI bleed somewhere? Her urine had no blood. She's eating right now.

I had already arranged for an animal communicator to come meet my kids next week and see what each of them have to say, especially Sable. Yikes, maybe she'll clue me in if there's some underlying health issue we haven't found.

It was just pale pink -- I mopped it up with a white paper towel. Good god, does she have a cancer?? Jeez, suddenly my whining earlier seems wickedly selfish. Anybody have any clues for me???
Kim


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oceanpets
post Feb 17 2008, 06:55 AM
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First, Kimberly- thank you for sharing! I appreciated hearing a bit of insight into other aspects of your life, and feelings about other things. It's not whining. It is cathartic, and important to share what's going on.
I too am frazzled, and the 'rescue' part really hit home with me. I have gotten 'hit' with the rescue bit lately, as some abused boys my son's age are living across the street and they have found a place in my heart and soul, touched a wounded place in me, and along with the cat missing/ lost/ runaway/ whatever! it has added that nice amount of Umph to my load!! Ha!
Oh, and did I forget that I"m heavily involved with OM ( Odyssey of the MInd) and many other volunteer positions? Calls that I can't possibly make back, no time. NO energy.
Sucker punched is how I feel. I still wisht hat the cat would stroll up to the house one day so that it would lighten my load, give me a much needed boost. I"m frazzled. Tired. Need a vacation. AWAY from it all. But some of it will come with me, ya know?
THat's the thing.. I wonder, WHY am I supposed to going through all this? The missing cat is one piece of the grief/ loss/ take care of myself puzzle I believe. It seemed like that for you too.
SO never feel badly for releasing and working through your issues. Of COURSE we all love our kitties with so much of ourselves for many reasons... and it's another extension of who we are/ how we operate/ it is a soother and a target on our hearts.. double edged... loving an caring of animals is like that. IT's a chance to feel so much and to lose so much.
I too lost my father recently. I was not super close to him, but it is still in there for me. I also had a miscarriage, early and unplanned, kids are not little, but I was so UP for it anyhow.. that it's all a stream of loss. Toonces, baby, father, Jax...
I try to not feel sorry for myself, and keep going. But then I GO TOO MUCH, and precisely for the reason, 'rescuing' other people a little, situations somewhat... all to take care of something else to compensate for the things I've lost. THat's my conclusion. ANd in the end it only has made me really tired, not healed.
I still want my kitty back in the worst way, but was i supposed to rescue him from the horrible pound only to learn that I can't hang onto things, take care of other things, but that I"m supposed to take care of ME and then enjoy animals, people, and not get too invested? Easier said than done. But I"m trying.
THis format helps, along with other things.
I am in long time recovery program. I do yoga. I get massage. I have friends I can talk to. But this really helps in a certain other way. It helps to target one piece. But in the end, it's all related. The state of our insides, our emotional well being, is evolving through our experience with loss/ found/ sick animals... it's all lessons for us. SO never underestimate your feelings.
I am hoping that the pink tinge isn't an indicator of too much. IN the meantime love the little freeway kitty you rescued, and don't forget to rescue yourself!
- Joani
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paris
post Feb 17 2008, 09:16 AM
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Kim,

You are going through so much with Sable. You rescued her and are caring for her. It is totally normal to have mixed feelings. don't feel guilty, you are doing so much for her. I don't know what the pink is, it could be blood or something else. I wouldn't think the worst. The only way to know is under a microscope I guess.

You're right, it would probably be hard to put her up for adoption, but maybe someone would want to take her.

Kim, you are really a 'cat guru' and deserve an award for all you've done!!
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LoveThem
post Feb 17 2008, 02:02 PM
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I would call the vet's office and report the pink liquid and see what the vet says. Sometimes you can get an answer over the phone...either from the vet or the gal on the phone will go ask the vet and get back to you. Either way, by reporting it as unusual...the professional is the one who can either relieve your mind with some other suggestions or what it could be or tell you how to find out.

The cat I just adopted from a shelter was abandoned also...like the one you found. Apparently some people adopted it then moved away and left it and a neighbor took it to the local SPCA who took it in. These babies seem to need the most help and sometimes have problems we are not counting on. All we can do is make sure something is not causing any suffering but I would make the call about Sable to the vet.
It always seems better to find things out as early as possible else you could also try to google the symptoms on the Internet to see if you can find out what different things could cause what you described.

Good luck with whatever you do...I know it is not easy and what you have done to help this poor baby is wonderful. I hope the vet can set your mind at ease.


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His story: Section D&D: How do I stop crying? and also... My Boy is Gone Forever.

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Mink&WillowsMom
post Feb 23 2008, 12:38 AM
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An animal communicator visited us today. It was a wonderful experience. A question mark about Sable is deeply settled now, and I'm so relieved. She's happy to be here, wants to stay, and is just starting to let down her guard that she's safe after all. What I've been seeing as lack of bonding is simply that she's only just beginning to unclench and trust that this mirage of love and warmth isn't going to be taken away from her. She was in a home where she wasn't wanted, and food and water were only irregularly available. She was hungry, and skinny even when she lived there. She wasn't overtly abused, but it was dirty and noisy, and no one doted on her. So this is the first time she's been in a stable, loving home, and it's all new and wonderful, bringing her deep waves of relief, as she slowly peels away the layers of hypervigilance and caution. As for bonding, she just isn't ready yet, she's still in relief mode, and needs her space yet. She's not even quite connected to her body yet (since she was unsafe and hungry for so long) (which explains why she's barely started to groom herself), but the longer she's here, the more she's starting to settle into a sense of physical and emotional safety. All four cats look forward to, and expect, the day when they're all at ease with other, in harmony.

I asked Lisa (AC) if Sable particularly sought me out, or knew I was coming that day. She said she just knew that she was supposed to be waiting there. And she did -- as I drove by, she looked like she was waiting for a bus. Sitting, quietly, right up near the edge of the freeway. Waiting. Patiently.

Luna's response to her was especially thrilling to hear. "We were waiting for her! She's one of us!" She's happy to have her here, and said Sable was her mom in another life, and they were separated, so now she's come back. "How odd," Lisa said, "I've never had a cat tell me information from another life before." She said that Mink and Twitch are around all the time, visiting often. In fact, she said that there are lots of cat spirits here. "Some that have lived here with you, and even others that haven't. It's well-known among cats, a popular place." Lots of kind, wonderful things she had to say about the energy in my home.

Lisa was able to meet Luna and Sable face to face, but Roh and Willow hid away somewhere. At the end, I searched for them and found they were right behind the couch we were sitting on, less than a foot away. How interesting and clever that both boys spent the hour practically right on top of us, yet completely hidden! They've never done that before -- sat close behind the couch when someone is over. They were obviously SO engaged in what was going on!

The upshot is that I now feel totally at peace that Sable has found us and joined our family. And I can trust that they'll work it out, without any assistance from me.

As for their requests, Rohan said, "tell her to give me that kitten." Lisa thinks it might be some stuffed toy that's been set away, or lost under furniture. I'm not quite sure what he means, but I'll check around for misplaced toys. Willow asked if I'm "still drinking that stuff. Make sure she takes it. She feels better when she does." I've started a nutritional supplement, and have forgotten it a few times recently. He also asked for goldfish to bat at. Since he gets to go out by the pond, I wonder if he meant there? I hadn't yet because I don't want to draw raccoons. Maybe we could have a fishtank...

Anyway, hope y'all have enjoyed hearing our adventure today. Regardless of how we got here, I have a newly centered feeling of peace about Sable joining in, and moving forward a home singing in four-cat harmony. ~Kimberly


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post Feb 23 2008, 04:14 PM
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QUOTE
I have a newly centered feeling of peace about Sable joining in, and moving forward a home singing in four-cat harmony.


smile.gif

interesting thread, heading towards a happy ending. thats what i like to see.


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Mink&WillowsMom
post Feb 23 2008, 05:08 PM
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The change in my home and my heart today is wonderful. Everything is as it should be. That undercurrent of doubt is gone. Really knowing she wants to be here has totally settled something in me.

And the really cool thing is, the psychic end of what Lisa did doesn't even need to be real for it to have a real effect. (I do, however, happen to believe she was connected. I feel similar things too often in my day to disbelieve there's all kinds of energetic ways we relate to each other.) I embraced her words, because I so wanted to hear them, they let me toss away a nagging concern that she was pining for her former home. The peace it has created in me is as real as it gets, and THAT'S what's important.

One of the other important points she made is to visualize Sable as healthy and restored. She isn't overtly sick, but because she was water- and food-deprived much of her life, how much she moves toward a new level of health is dependent on how I treat her and what I see is possible. Makes total sense. For her, for you, for me. So when I look at her, or imagine her when I'm away from her, I'm choosing to see her lush coat long and fluffy and sleek. Her shoulders are strong, her posture easy. Her back legs strong and resilient. Her eyes shining and happy.

I asked Lisa if she does work by phone and was open me making her contact information available on this site. She happily agreed. She's just leapt into doing this full time, trusting that the work will be there. She also does readings for people. Very intuitive, lovely woman. Lisa Holm, (360) 786-8617, lisaholm2000@yahoo.com ~Kimberly


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LoveThem
post Feb 23 2008, 06:22 PM
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I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS!!!! What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing, Kimberly.
wub.gif rolleyes.gif biggrin.gif


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His story: Section D&D: How do I stop crying? and also... My Boy is Gone Forever.

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Zita'sMom
post Feb 23 2008, 11:00 PM
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That's wonderful that your decision feels so clear now. I like what you say about giving the picture of a healthy cat. I was listening to a talk by an animal communicator today and she mentioned exactly that. That when, for example, you don't want your dog getting into the trash and you put out a picture of the dog getting into the trash, you are sending out the wrong message. I try to communicate with my own pets this way. It would sometimes be interesting to hear what someone else might get from them. For example, my "bad boy" Chance just can't control his impulses when he is over excited - leaping, barking, going beserk. I can control my other 4, but he is just wired differently. However, he is very accepting about being put in the crate before we head out. So we come to certain compromises. smile.gif I do love the silly boy as much as he drives me up the wall!

I think more that anything the most important thing is that it reassured you and gave some reinforcement to what you already feel.

Jan.
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Mink&WillowsMom
post Mar 14 2008, 06:34 PM
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Harmony unfolding....
I was away from home for 13 days, so they had lots of time to settle things amongst themselves. I got home in the wee hours, and soon went to bed. Some time later I woke up, and ALL FOUR cats were on the bed; Sable curled up next to my shoulder. (That hadn't happened yet before I left.) Every morning since, she's been sleeping next to me when I wake up, even with other cats on the bed. Yay! There's still a little tension if they get closer than six inches, but they're well on their way to blending into an easy family of four. ~Kimberhappymama


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LoveThem
post Mar 14 2008, 06:40 PM
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Sable...what a love! Sleeping next to your shoulder........absolutely wonderful!.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I am typing this reply to you with a big smile on my face as I picture your sleeping arrangements..with Sable and your other babies.
That's a lot more fun than typing through tears...which still happens sometimes.

Take Care and keep us updated please!


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LITTLE GUY - May 28, 1991 - Sept 10, 2007 - Always in my Heart.
His story: Section D&D: How do I stop crying? and also... My Boy is Gone Forever.

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Mink&WillowsMom
post Mar 16 2008, 05:21 PM
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Rohan's on my lap, Willow's on his favorite footstool, Sable's on the bed (her new throne), and Luna is in her favorite carpeted barrel on the kitty condo scratchpost. Outside, a deer has been chomping on the lawn for the last hour. (If you chew all of it, I'll pay you extra...) And per my 2/22/08 post, I bought a new fishtank. I'm priming it today, I'll get fish for it tomorrow. Hee ! I hope the kittykids like it! I want simple, small fish that dart often. The tank is small, only 5 gallons, so I was thinking 4-5 neon tetras or rasboras. Suggestions?


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Mink&WillowsMom
post Mar 20 2008, 01:28 AM
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I started with two guppies. I figured their big, fluttery, wavy tails would catch the cats' eyes. The hexagonal tank sits on a kitchen island. Luna is just enchanted. Willow hasn't noticed it yet, or maybe he just asked for it on her behalf. I'll add a few more and a Golden Mystery snail once the tank stabilizes. When I left this morning, the fish were leading Luna in a merry-go-round trot around the tank. Hee ! biggrin.gif ~Kimberly


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LoveThem
post Mar 20 2008, 10:58 AM
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Sounds too cute for words! Maybe you'll catch the kitties watching the fish and have a camera handy...I can just picture the picture! biggrin.gif

I'm glad things are going so well for you. These are the moments of happiness that become "forever memories".

Hugs to you and your family (although I don't know HOW to hug a fish!) wink.gif

Judy


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Mink&WillowsMom
post Mar 21 2008, 09:58 PM
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From: Western Washington
Member No.: 1,750



Thank god I'm a much better kitty mama than I am a fish mama: one died already. I don't know why. He'd only been in the tank four days. I know the water isn't really stabilized yet, but I tested the ammonia level this morning and while it's elevated to a 'stress' level, it wasn't in the 'danger' range on the dip strip. Yesterday he was swimming stiffly, he was hanging out at the bottom of the tank, and his tail fin was tightly closed, instead of billowing behind him. I tested the water after the fact, and everything else is good, just the moderately elevated ammonia (which has since been treated). He'd been pooping a lot too. I just figured it was normal, but now that I compare it with the other fish, it wasn't the same. (I'm a total fish novice.) The store guaranteed the fish for two weeks, but it would cost $10 in gas to replace a $2.50 fish. But then, I'll be adding more fish in a few days anyway. ~Kimberly


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...You precious children, of four feet, whiskers, and mischief...
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Mink&WillowsMom
post Apr 14 2008, 11:24 PM
Post #20





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 340
Joined: 19-June 06
From: Western Washington
Member No.: 1,750



The other day I woke to the feeling of being groomed. Sable was on the pillow behind me, grooming the back of my head. After this kept up a few minutes, I rolled over, and she licked my bangs, and then my face. With each lick, I heard "thank you, thank you, thank you..." ~Kimberly


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...You precious children, of four feet, whiskers, and mischief...
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