I Miss My Little Girl So Much

A week ago on tuesday, my husband and i bought the most beautiful, little grey female persian kitten-she was 8 weeks old tops. We have a male persian at home and male tabby, and although i always wanted a girl - never planned on getting one for a while, but once i saw her little face and picked her up - we just had to have her. It was like she was just meant to be our kitten and she was just perfect from the start, such a happy little girl - she didn't cry once on the way home and when we got her in the house she took to it straight away and became the little boss. I didn't expect to have a problem with her and the other cats, just the other way round - but the moment she saw either of them the first couple of days she would puff her tiny little body right up and stand on her tiptoes - she was so brave, we called her Sabra because it suited her gutsy personality!

I kept her in the kitchen at night time because I wanted her to get used to where the litter tray was kept, and because Bear (our 1 year old male persian) is quite touchy and naggy, bedtime is his time upstairs with us - he won't cuddle any other time and i didn't want him feeling completely overwhelmed and becoming detached. That was the only time she would cry, when she went to bed on her own and it was heartbreaking. I used to look forward to getting up in the morning and going down to see her because she was just so happy to see us - she would let out this little miaow and come running over for a cuddle the second you opened the door. The rest of the time she was so happy stealing the other cats food instead of her baby food, making us laugh and bouncing all over the place chasing her mice which she adored and our tabby cat Lynx. In that one week I taught her how to play fetch and found out she loved cheese! She had so much character and I loved her more than I would ever be capable of writing or saying. On tuesday night, I woke up to find her in the bedroom (my mum is visiting and must not have put her in the kitchen). It was so lovely to wake up to find her there and hear her little purr - Sabra was ALWAYS purring! And i put her on the washbasket on the opposite side of the room to where Bear was sleeping. But she came on the bed and cuddled for a bit, but I was so worried that my husband or I would squash her or that Bear would give us the cold shoulder for letting her be upstairs, that I took her back down to the kitchen with Lynx. I gave her some cat milk and went back up to bed. I thought I had closed the door from the kitchen properly, but didnt worry too much about it as I had closed the living room door that led upstairs, if they got into the living room from the kitchen i thought it wouldn't matter too much as that is where we had been leaving them when we went out in the day. I wish more than anything that i had made sure that kitchen door was closed because if I had then my little Sabra would still be here now, or if i had just let her stay upstairs - all she wanted was to be with us and she came all the way upstairs in the dark and I made her go back down - i will never ever forgive myself for what happened.

My mum woke me up at 6am wednesday morning saying there had been an accident - i stupidly said had Bear pooed in the hallway, but it was my Sabra. Our tabby Lynx, had been acting up all night - skitting around everywhere - usually that means he wants to go out, but he would not go out that night. He must have been doing it in the living room, and Sabra would follow him wherever she could get. Lynx knocked our large mirror off the fireplace and it fell and hit my poor tiny girl and killed her. My little girl is gone and i miss her so so much and i cannot stop crying or thinking of her. She was just a tiny baby and she deserved so much longer and more than that. She only got a week in her home, she should have had years and years of our love. I am lucky that she gave me so much in that one week and i wish i had shown her more how loved she was, i should never ever have taken her downstairs or i should have made sure the kitchen door clicked shut. I let her down. I just can't believe it happened still, why did she have to go in such an awful way. I don't know what to do without her, i don't feel like i'll ever be the same again, i can't stop thinking about what happened to her and i find it so hard to be in the living room. I've been told to just think of all the happy things, but that just makes me cry too because there should have been so much more than one weeks worth, she was just a tiny baby and its my fault she didn't get the long life she so deserved. The house is so empty now and all the life has gone out of it . I miss her so much and i just don't know what to do, i am completely and utterly heartbroken.