Thankyou all so very much for your very kind responses to my story about Winston, who I made the decision to have put to sleep, due to illness from aids, on Saturday morning. And reading the tales of sadness & bereavement of others, was so touching. I ended writing my story last night at 2.30 in the morning (being from the UK I’m in a different time zone). (And apologies – I accidentally placed it twice - the first time the picture was huge so I tried to go back in & edit, only to accidentally post it again, albeit with a slightly smaller picture – I assure you I read responses to both, though.) I can’t tell you how touched I felt by all your responses, when I checked this morning. I cried when I read them. And I can’t tell you how much it helped that there were people willing to listen, & offer words of comfort, in my time of need. The pain is still almost unbearable. I thought going to work might distract me, but I was good for nothing all day, & very tearful. Before I went to work this morning, I crouched down in front of the cat statue that stands proudly on Winston’s grave, & shed a few tears. So very very difficult to come to terms with the fact that his little body is lying under that cold frosty earth, when only a couple of days ago he was warm & alive. It’s just such an extreme sense of sadness – the knowledge that I’ll never see my dear little friend for the rest of my life, & never hold him, never nuzzle my head against his wise old furry little head. It almost brings me to my knees with sadness. And then the sense of guilt, did I give him enough cuddles, was I there for him enough, what kinds of things were going through his head in the last few weeks, was he feeling dreadfully ill, and then, in his last few moments, was he scared, having his little forearm shaved, & a needle slipped in? My greatest worry was that he didn’t now how much he was loved. Muffins (Denise) reassured me that he knew very well. And hearing about Rainbow bridge, which I’d never heard of before last night (although I’d always hoped there was a heaven where we can be reunited with our dear furbabies) reassured me that, hopefully, one day I will see him again, & hold him & tell him how much I love him. I didn’t know, till I talked to the vet that morning, that together we would make the decision to put him to sleep then & there. Although I knew it would be on the cards over the next couple of weeks. I wonder whether it would have been easier or harder to bear, waking up on Saturday, knowing that he only had a couple of hours left. Then maybe I could have made more use of the short time I had left with him. As it was, I left him sleeping in his spot under the bed, when I should have been cuddling him & spending time with him. But I guess there is always going to be regrets with any death. Although I think actually he was happiest under the bed – I did briefly manage to get him on my lap earlier in the morning when I first got up, & he only stayed for a minute then jumped off & crawled under the bed again. I’m glad he’s at peace now – it broke my heart seeing his once vital lively little body, turn frail & weak. I know I did the right thing – he was so ill - & how would I have been able to live with myself if I had come back from work one day to find he’d died, alone, in my bedroom? At least I have the comfort of knowing that when he went, he was with someone who loved him. And I firmly believe that the love between an animal & a human is one of the purest loves there is. I just hope, in time, this sadness becomes easier to bear. The house just isn’t the same without him. I just really miss him.

Dear Wittley,
So glad you feel supported by everyone here at LS.
These are the hardest days and the kindness of others does help one to cope.
I can tell you that it is not easier knowing in advance that you will euthanize your beloved.
We brought Indy home from the vet (he was severely deteriorated from cancer but not in pain)
for one last night with the family. It was torture for me. I did pamper him. But all the while knowing that the next
day at 2:00 PM was "it". The guilt was unbearable.
I am grateful that he did not suffer. My vet, whom I adore, told me it was better to make the decision then to come back saying "I wish I had done it yesterday before the suffering began". I know I did the right thing and at the right time.
When I first came to this site someone told me the greatest gift of love I could give my baby was to free him from his illness. I believe that.
I believe our little darlings trusted in us and know everyhting we did for them, no matter how heart wrenching, was out of love for them. I'm sure Winston knows how much he was loved.
Sharing in your pain and sadness,
Fran

Thanks for your reassurance Fran,
You're right - it's best to do it before our little friends get to the point where they're suffering unnecessarily; and it is a gift that we can do for them. So sorry to hear about your Indy. I can imagine all the emotions that must have been going through your head that last evening & the following morning. As you say, it must have been torture. Indy looks like he was such a sweet little doggie. I'm glad he was freed from any suffering.
Thanks for your kind words,
Elsie (wittley)

Dear Elsie,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Winston.

I'm also sad that all of us have been brought together under these cir%%stances, but it's nice to know that there are kind people who understand the loss of a beloved pet.

Please try not to feel bad for not spending more time with Winston the day you had him put down...you gave him a much bigger gift than just cuddling...you took on his pain so he could be pain free.

You're in my thoughts,
Kathleen

Dear Wittley,

Reading about your beautiful Winston makes me feel so sad for you. I lost my cat, Kiddo, 11 years ago and I still miss her. To this day my husband and I have never been able to bring ourselves to get another cat. She was just so special to us. She, like Winston, became ill and just continued to decline. She died while I was away on a business trip. I feel I never got to say goodbye and that is hard for me.

You did the right thing freeing him from his illness. I had to do the same for my Sasha on Saturday also as she had terminal cancer and could hardly breathe anymore. I think it is one of the worst decisions we have to make, but now Winston is free from pain and restored to his happy self. I really believe that, or I could not go on.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Nancy

I am glad you found LS and were able to share the story of your baby. It really helps when we reach out to each other and share in each others pain. It helps to know we are not alone and someone will always acknowledge the love we shared with our babies.

When I took Chili Bean to the vet he had to put her to sleep as she was suffocating. I had no idea when I took her to the vet that it would be my last time to hold, hug, and kiss her.

With Snookie she was sick for over 10 months and she passed away in the arms of me and my family. I was going to take my Snookie the next day to help her out of her pain but she just couldn't hold on. She gave us one last look let out a moan and left this world.

Each one was so hard in itself and I always said I didn't know which was the hardest to deal with, the long goodbye with all the sickness or the shock of the sudden parting that was so unexpected.

I know we will be with our beautiful babies again one day. I will fling myself down on the ground and hold them as I hug and kiss them throughout all eternity. I am no longer afraid of death for loved ones and good things await me in a Land where we will never die. The best is yet to come!
Ann