Please Say Prayers For Maisie

I posted 3 weeks ago that 9 months after losing my boy Mo, his sweet, beautiful sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It has been a fast decline and a torturous couple of weeks seeing 4 vets and finding that options are limited, and tomorrow I have to say goodbye. I'm hoping that everyone could just say a little prayer at 11am eastern time tomorrow to help her on her journey where I hope Mo will be waiting.

Thank you,

Jen

Need Some Advice

I haven't been very active here for the past few months and unfortunately I'm not writing with good news. Many of you were amazingly supportive of me following the death of my boy, MoMo, last January from cancer and Cushing's disease. I stopped checking in last spring when his sister, Maisie, was also diagnosed with Cushing's. Mo's was caused by an adrenal tumor and yesterday, after a 5 month battle trying to regulate drug levels and recent symptoms of neurological damage, an MRI confirmed that Maisie has a large pituitary tumor that is compressing her brain. I am beside myself. Only within the last few months have I stopped crying daily over Mo's death, although thoughts of him never leave me. It took a long time to come to terms with it, as both he and Maisie have been with me since my early 20's - through every major event in my life.

She is not well and the last few months have been extremely difficult- she has tremors throughout her body, the cause of which is unidentified as it could be due to the tumor, the cushing's, or the drugs used to treat the cushing's. She has started to show signs of neurological damage - drooling, circling, and accidents all over the house. I moved in with my mother so that Maisie would have around the clock care as I travel for work (although as little as possible now). She has awful side effects from the drugs - fatigue, nausea and sleeps most of the time. When she is not sleeping she is trembling. I realized yesterday that she has not wagged her tail in over 4 months.

Yesterday I was told that her only treatment option is radiation therapy in an attempt to shrink the tumor. This would be a daily process for 3 weeks and each dose would require general anesthesia. Yesterday her blood pressure dropped while under anesthesia during the MRI and it took my normal vet calling the hospital for them to even release her to come home with me last night. If treated with radiation, she would either be dropped off each morning Monday through Friday and then picked up at night, or, because of her age, left at the hospital from Monday though Friday and brought home on weekends. I'm worried that the trauma of this alone will kill her.

Maisie is almost 11, she is a large dog and is no longer herself. The radiation might extend her life for a year or two if she made it through the 3 weeks and if the tumor growth doesn't progress. She will still require treatment for Cushing's, which will continue to produce side effects. There are no guarantees.

I'm sorry that I haven't posted, but I was so hopeful that she would be fine that in some strange way I thought I would 'jinx' myself or her by initiating any discussion of a potentially negative outcome. It has happened anyway. I trust all of you and I need your help in deciding on an unselfish course of action. I was up with her all of last night, and my gut as soon as I was given the treatment information last night immediately told me that it I could not put her through that. I am the last person to give up on my babies -I took 5 months off from work to stay home and care for Mo when he was dying and as I mentioned above, I've put all of my things in storage to move Maisie to a more comfortable environment with better care. What I am struggling so much with is how I could subject an almost 11 year old, sick dog who is terrified of the vet and who has a life expectancy of maybe 11 or 12 because of her breed to daily radiation and its side effects, anesthesia, which she does not tolerate well, to live maybe a year and a half with a disease that will still require meds that make her exhausted and sick? I would give anything and pay any amount of money to care for her, so cost isn't an issue, but her quality of life is.

Left untreated, she may only have a few months. The tumor could start causing seizures and we don't know how fast it is growing. I needed a day or two to think this through before proceeding and I would sincerely appreciate your objective thoughts.

Thank you so much for being there and I hope you and your babies are finding peace.

Jen

Need Prayers For Maisie

Many of you know that I lost my boy Mo in January from multiple health issues - mast cell cancer, cushing's disease caused by an adrenal tumor, then heart problems. the cushings couldn't be treated without worsening the mast cell cancer, and vice versa. the adrenal tumor had spread to a vein and was too large to remove. it has been the most painful experience of my entire life. yesterday I rushed his sister, maisie, (not biological) to the vet because she did not look well. She had a mast cell tumor of her own removed a couple of months before he died. yesterday they told me that they think she has cushing's, which is usually caused by an adrenal or pituitary tumor. no confirmed diagnosis until the bloodwork comes back. I can't believe this. she has been through so much after the loss of Mo, and I wonder how much of this is stress related. I honestly can't believe it. I had just barely begun to regain my footing and accept his death, and i'm now so worried about her I can't think about anything else. she is the sweetest, easiest, most well behaved girl and I love her so, so much. I'm not even worried about myself getting through this, because I can't even fathom it..I'm worried about her because I'm no longer in a position to stay home with her as I did with him. (My job requires travel). She deserves as much care, and I feel terribly guilty. I would so appreciate any warm thoughts and love you could send her way..

thank you..

3 Months Since I Said Goodbye To My Boy

I've very depressed for the last couple of weeks. I think the combination of the changing season and the approach of the 'anniversary' (hate that word) of Mo's death has been a huge contributor to feeling so awful. I feel so different than the person I was 3 months and one day ago. I was a very different person - a happier and more peaceful one. I survived the one thing I had always been terrified of, but the worst part is that I felt closer to him after having him put down than ever. And we were inseparable. I feel like we experienced something very profound and intimate together - which makes his death even harder. What if I didn't do the right thing? What if I failed him? I'm still shocked that I had him put down. I hate that I made that decision. The alternative was to put him through more procedures or let him suffer and potentially die alone. He had so many tumors in the last month of his life that my vet told me to pick the 5 worst in terms of discomfort for him (some were ulcerated) and she would inject them with Benadryl. This was supposed to occur a few days after he died, but when I found him on the floor, unconscious, now with heart problems, I couldn't do it. I promised him I would never let him suffer and that I would let him go with dignity. I tried to be selfless, but I question that decision every day. I feel tremendous guilt. I hope he forgives me and knows how much I loved him. I would have given my own life for his without a second thought.

There is this huge space in my heart and my soul where he was..the emptiness seems to get worse, not better. The acute phase of the grieving passed, but the emptiness grows. I know I will never have that bond again. Not like that. When you are unmarried with no human children, there is no one to grieve with over the loss of such a sweet soul, who appreciates how much you miss the tiniest endearing behavior. I know everyone here has experienced the lack of understanding from others and it really makes this worse. He was truly the light of my life.

I'm sorry for all of the negativity, but it's been really tough these past few days.

Thanks for being there..

Jen

Touching Photo

Since Mo's ashes were returned, when I'm home I keep them wherever he would have been - my bed with me at night, the couch during the day. I put them on the left side of the couch in his favorite spot, and usually Maisie is asleep in my bed. Today I found her all curled up around his ashes, sound asleep, and I couldn't think of anyone who might be as touched by this except the friends I've found here..I just think this is so sweet because even though it looks like I placed his box next to her, she had somehow gotten up on the couch around it without knocking it off....