I wanted to share this post which was written by me, straight from the heart, just three weeks after losing my dear cat Jasper. I was very surprised that I was so often being met with insensitive comments or uncaring indifference to the depth of my sadness and grief. How much easier it would be for those of us who are going through such a devastating loss, to be able to find the kindness, the understanding, and the compassionate support with our family and friends, as we have found on this forum.

I would like to post something which is weighing heavy on my heart right now. As I am sure many of you know, I lost my beloved cat Jasper a little over three weeks ago, and it has been one of the saddest and most heartbreaking things I have ever been through. I received three sympathy cards through the mail, one was from the veterinary doctor, one handmade one was from my little granddaugter, and one was from my daughter. I did receive calls of understanding and support from a few of my family members, which so helped me walk this dark and lonely road, it is a road one should never have to walk alone. But quite often, from some of my friends and coworkers, I would be met with silence, and a let's change the subject mentality, well meaning perhaps, but not at all conducive to healing.

Those cards and phone calls really meant the world to me, it validated to me that those closest to me knew and understood that my Jasper was and still is an ever present part of my life, you knew and understood how very much he meant to me, and you knew and understood the very special connection and bond we had and always will have. Most people who have not been through through this pain cannot fully comprehend this horrific roller coaster journey of grief, and I do know that some of us have been occasionally met with the insensitive comment, well it was just a cat, or it was just a dog, get over it, move on, and just get another one. Well for those people who have never had the sweet love of a precious companion, I can only feel sorry for you, because you will never know the beautiful and unconditional love of a dear companion who turns out to be the joy and light of your life, and your very best friend.

The main resounding phrase that I seem to be reading quite often on the pet loss support group I have been frequenting is, my family and friends just don't understand what I am going through, they think I should be moved on by now, and I am just not receiving the support I so desperately want and need. Well my main message here is, if you ever do happen to know of someone who has suffered such a loss, reach out to them, let them know that you understand how much their beloved pet mattered, let them know you understand how much joy and love their baby brought to them simply by being here on this earth, let them know you feel their pain for the loss of their precious little one, let them know you care.

As far as my Jasper, he was here, he is here, and he will always be here, and he is my bright and shining star and the light of my life. You may think you are protecting the person by not talking about it, and you may not know what to say, but say something, the silence can be deafening when you are missing such a huge piece of your heart. Let them find those caring cards in the mailbox that tug at the heartstrings but mean so much, offer up that shoulder to cry on, make that call to let them know you care, be there for them in every way that matters, it could make all the difference in the world to help them continue on this difficult journey with hope in their heart, you could just be the one who is helping them to find their way out of a very dark and lonely tunnel, you may just be the one holding that little light they so need to find their way out to the other side.

Jaspersmom...that was just so beautifully said, I couldn't have phrased it any better - it was as if I was actually speaking those words you wrote. I posted more on this on Snapdragon's forum, as well.

But, I was just at Walmart getting more photos and frames for my tribute/memorial to my beautiful angel boy...my "butterfly" boy as I sometimes called him due to his white butterfly shaped mustache he had. I ran into an elderly lady I know who also loves her cats dearly and when I told her about losing my cat 2 weeks ago, I know she could sense and feel my pain - and as I started to cry, she sweetly said, "oh dear, I've managed to spark the pain again in you that you must be suffering. I can't even imagine and I'm trying to prepare myself for losing mine." She validated my feelings in those few simple words of understanding.

Even though you can try to prepare yourself and be brave for that day when you lose them or you must send them on over the Bridge - it doesn't matter - once they are gone, that's it - and the loss you experience is still excrutiating. You miss them so severely that your heart is just broken in a million pieces.

I know in my broken heart my sweet boy is better off being dead...to put it bluntly. Wherever he is, he feels no more pain or suffering from his illness. I think we all know that of our beloved lost pets. I try to take comfort in that thought. But, it still doesn't take away the pain we all feel from losing them...

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your beautiful words of encouragement and comfort. Please know you are among friends here who truly do understand how you are feeling, and we are here for you, with you, and beside you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Jaspersmom,

Oh my, it looks likely you posted this yesterday, and I'd missed it. But then I wrote somewhat similar thoughts...about the people around us, the people in our lives, and how it is with them and our grief.

Thank you for what you've written. As before, I can so completely feel what you're saying here. It's a pain like none other, and one that (as I keep saying) took me so by surprise--the intensity of the grief. I, and many/all of us here most certainly do share in your pain.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. *hugs* - Molly's mom

Hello jaspersmom, thank you for sharing this post with us. I think it is just the way our society works. We are expected to "get over" a loss as quickly as possible. People are uncomfortable with grief and often don't know what to say and maybe they think that we break down if they mention our beloved fur kids we have lost. I remember how I was told to just "get another cat" and all these heartbreaking, insensitive comments, like our fur kids are objects like a car or a refrigerator. They are tiny little souls, and they are so very precious. It's hard to get comfort from co-workers. At the workplace we are expected to act professionally and leave our grief at home. It is easier to get comfort from friends. I found a compassionate and caring person when I called Tuft's University pet loss hotline. Their students volunteer for that and they are such wonderful people. My Danny's story even got published in their magazine. I think we have to be guarded and selectively as to who we share our grief with lest we get hurt more. It was a great comfort to me when friends of mine attended Danny's burial at the pet cemetery, and Marcy even gave me a book on pet loss to read. It is nice to have people in our lives that care.

OnAMission,
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. Your kitty Mission is such a beautiful and handsome boy, and I know how much you miss him. That was so sweet that the lady you had a conversation with really could understand your sadness and your pain, and a few compassionate words can do so much for our broken hearts and broken spirits. At work today, one of the customers who I hadn't seen in awhile, who only just recently found out about the loss of my boy, stopped by to give me the most beautiful sympathy card, it really warmed my heart, and she validated my feelings with that simple but beautiful act of kindness, little things like that mean so much when we are going through such an incredibly hard time as this.

I couldn't have said it better when you wrote that we can try to prepare ourselves for sending them on over the Bridge, but the deep loss we experience is still excruciating, and that we miss them so much that our hearts are broken into a million pieces, that is exactly how I feel. The first weeks after losing him, I was absolutely shattered, and I really didn't think there was any way to "put me back together again", but time is supposed to be the great healer, so I am waiting, but in the meantime, I will keep coming here, writing about him, and embracing all the wonderful memories and love he left behind, but the deep sadness is always there.

I really do understand how you feel, it is so very hard isn't it, but it sure does help to know that we are not in this alone. I am sure you can understand when I say, I feel like part of me is missing and that when Jasper left, he took a big piece of my heart with him, and I really don't think my life or my world will ever be quite the same again. I did want to let you know that I so appreciate your words of understanding, and please know that I am so very sorry, and my heart goes out to you in the loss of your sweet Mission, you can just see what a dear little soul he is, and you can just see that special spark and sweetness in his eyes, and I know without a doubt, that your beautiful kitty knows how very much he was loved.

Hi moon_beam,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me, and for your kindness and understanding, your sweet words of support have seen me through some of the darkest days and nights of my life. I am so very thankful for this forum, and I really don't know what I would have done without it. I know so many here are going through such a struggle with loss and pain, and I never thought that I would make it to where I am right now, almost at the two month mark, I honestly could not see myself existing that long with such a broken spirit. When the darkness was all around me, I came here, when every fiber of my being hurt with an emptiness I had never felt before, I came here, when everyone else had checked out and just couldn't understand the depth of my sadness, I came here. I thank you with all of my heart for making me see that I could go on, that Jasper was and is still right here with me in so many ways, that the special connection that we had could never just go away and disappear, that what we had is a forever kind of love.

Jingles and I are coming right along and we are doing alright, I really don't know what I would have done without my sweet boy, we needed each other and kind of held onto each other so tightly through this, and we are making it to the other side, slowly but surely. There is still such a strong sense of someone missing though, such a huge part of our family is not here with us, and even though Jasper left such a legacy of love and wonderful memories behind, our time together was way too short, and like I have often said, I don't want these memories, I want him.

I just want to look up at Heaven sometimes and say why? He was so young, why did he have to go, then I know that it couldn't have been a mistake, as much as I want it to be, and as hard as it is to accept, what is meant to be will always be, no matter how wrong or unfair I may feel it is, but I also know that no matter what happens, love will always find a way to come back together again. When my journey here is over, I cannot wait for the day when our eyes suddenly meet again, and we run to each other at the bridge, and I will run like I've never run before, to pick my sweet boy up and hold him in my arms once again. I just really miss him, I miss him so very much.

Jaspersmom,

I agree with, and can relate to, everything you said in your response to Moon beam. The above...you nailed it. "....when every fiber of my being hurt with an emptiness I had never felt before..." You are a ways ahead of me on this journey, this journey I do not like. It does help to hear from those of you (such as yourself) who can look back and tell those of us with fresh wounds that will survive this. Thank you for your posts.

Hi Snapdragon,
I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through, and you are feeling so much of what I felt in those first weeks after losing my Jasper. You are right that I am a ways ahead of you on this journey, and I did want to let you know that it does get a bit easier with each day that passes. Two months ago, I never thought I would be where I am today, there is no way I would have believed it, just breathing back then was a struggle, and I used to dread going to bed at night, and waking up in the morning, the absence of his presence just seemed to shout out to me from every corner, and I know you can understand what I am saying.

I just wanted to let you know Snapdragon, that even though I may be further down this path, your words and your posts have really helped me so much also. You do understand, you really do get it, and for that I am thankful, not everyone has that one in a million and special connection with their pet like we did, not everyone can understand the depth of loss and pain that surrounded us after having to say goodbye to our kitties.Thank you so much for your kind words and I am so glad that my posts have helped you out during this very hard time.

My heart does go out to you, you are so where I was a few months ago, it will not always be like this, you will not always feel this sorrow, and you will get your love of life back, and it will happen down the road when you least expect it. It may never be quite the same, how could it be, but it will be better than the place you are in now, this I promise you. I have always heard that time is the great healer, no way would I have believed that two months ago, I honestly hurt so bad that I could not even see myself still here on this earth, that is how much my heart was shattered, but here I am, and for this I am very thankful. Thank you again Snapdragon for your kind and thoughtful words of support, and know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers, and you may not be able to see it now, but your healing is right around the corner, our hearts can't stay broken forever, our sweet kitties wouldn't want that.

JaspersMom - GREAT BIG HUGS.....I am thinking of you....

You, me & Snapdragon seemed to have all lost our beloved kitties around the same time, so I think we are all on the same section of road traveling this grief journey.

It is somewhat comforting to know there are others who feel the same pain and loss over their beloved pets. But, disconcerting, all the same, to learn of all these other broken hearts out there.

We all know they were and will ALWAYS be a part of our family and hold a special place in our hearts...broken ones, though, I'm afraid. But, I can tell you have a strong heart and it will mend...they all WILL mend, eventually. But, they may never be completely whole again.

I know, for me, there will never EVER be another cat in my life like my Mission. And, I'm sure this is how you and many others on this forum feel about your beloved lost ones. They may be lost on this earth, but NEVER in our hearts and their little spirits will always be right there cuddling on our shoulders.

Peace and prayers to you,
From Mission's Mom