My 10 year old cat Tess has mammary cancer. The tumor is growing and she's beginning to decline but her quality of life is still good so it's not her time quite yet. July 1st I found a small lump and that is when this whole thing began. Almost five months of the ups and downs and the anxiety and the acceptance and the paralyzing grief.

I have a 20 pound turkey to prepare and a house to clean and I don't care about any of it. I feel absolutely crushed by this sadness and I thought maybe if I just wrote it down it might help clear the fog a little so I can get some things done.

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this pain. Its good to hear though that she is still in decent health. My family and I could not let my cat of 14 years, Lily, suffer anymore because her health was all used. I lost my Lily to cancer two weeks ago. I had high anxiety about losing her for a bit over 2 months. It was agonizing...now this grief is just as worse. The holidays are hard with your loved one suffering or not physically being there. I just keep trying to tell myself how lucky I was to have her for 14 years..it is what personally cheers me up the most knowing how great it is to love a cat (or any animal) SO much. You are blessed as well. Best of luck to you and I hope that you enjoy your Thanksgiving and cherish the time you have with Tess Giving your time is one of the best gifts ever and Tess probably is thankful for you and your love.

Hi, debra, please permit me to add my sincerest condolences on your and your precious Tess's Anticipatory Grief journey with her cancer diagnosis. Please let me try to offer you some words of reassurance that what you are going through emotionally and physically is very normal.

Anticipatory Grief is a roller coaster ride all of its own. It is a time when we are faced with the undeniable reality that our companions will not always be physically with us. Yet while they continue to share their earthly journey with us, there is a part of us that holds onto the hope that "something, somewhere, somehow" can miraculously make them better - - that the illness / injury they are suffering with will miraculously disappear.

I wish that could be true, but unfortunately our companion's physical bodies are identical to ours - - they are not designed for immortality on this side of eternity. And the agony of this reality can no longer be denied when we see their health declining and knowing that "sometime" we will be faced with the most agonizing decision we will have to make on their behalf to release them from their failing, frail, physical body. And when we have made this last unselfish act of love for them at great sacrifice to ourselves, we are then faced with the most painful grief adjustment journey to their physical absence.

It is very normal what you are feeling when you share with us: "I have a 20 pound turkey to prepare and a house to clean and I don't care about any of it. I feel absolutely crushed by this sadness . . ." The holidays can be incredibly painful with grief. What is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" can in reality be "the most horrible time of the year" when our hearts are consumed with sorrow. Because of social commitments we are forced to put on what I call the "public face" in an attempt to disguise the sorrow that has taken control of our very existence. It is important for your physical and emotional health that you give yourself the private time you need to release your sorrow during the hustle and bustle of the coming days and weeks.

I know you are savoring every moment you have with your precious Tess, as she is savoring every moment she has with you. The minutes, hours, days, weeks - - however long you and Tess have together during the remainder of her earthly journey with you will be treasured in both your hearts and memories.

One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your Anticipatory Grief journey, debra. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us - - both now and after your precious Tess has transitioned home to the angels.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Tess with us, debra. I hope today is treating you both kindly. Please know you and your precious Tess are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you and your precious little girl are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for your responses. The fog lifted a bit and the cleaning got done and the meal went on the table. Tess had a pretty good day on Thanksgiving. She was able to "help" quite a bit and I think every single guest fed her a piece of turkey which is one of her favorite foods.

I've had many pets over the years. There have been many losses which broke my heart. This anticipatory grief is a different journey altogether. It's like grieving with the knowledge that it won't get better, it will only get worse. I cherish every day that I have with my girl but I am acutely aware that the time is near when she won't be here anymore and the happiness I feel about having her turns quickly to sadness. It is really just exhausting sometime.

Hi, debra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Tess are doing. I am so glad to know that your precious girl had a good Thanksgiving with you and all those who love her. This is a blessing that you will always cherish.

I do so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "It's like grieving with the knowledge that it won't get better, it will only get worse. I cherish every day that I have with my girl but I am acutely aware that the time is near when she won't be here anymore and the happiness I feel about having her turns quickly to sadness. It is really just exhausting sometime."

Anticipatory Grief is the awareness that each minute begins to be the "last time" you and your precious Tess may / will share this, do that. What once was a lifetime of joy with your precious Tess now feels like it is fading as the "reality" of your precious Tess's illness becomes more obvious. Grieving IS exhausting - - both emotionally and physically during the Anticipatory journey as well as after our companions join the angels. The roller coaster ride finds us soaring high on the good days while the bad days - - particularly as they become more frequent - - find us feeling like our hearts are in our throats from the steep plunge downward into sorrow.

Each minute of every hour of every day is a blessing for you and your precious Tess, and I know you both are cherishing every moment you have together. And each of us are here with you, for you, and beside you, debra, to share your and your precious Tess's journey.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Tess kindly, debra, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening together. Please know you and your precious Tess are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My Tess is still hanging on. She has an indomitable little spirit. She's not able to breath very well but can still get around and is still able to climb up on her favorite places to sleep with a little help. She's eating, using the litter box, grooming herself and even took a swat at my shoelaces today. I know that she must be suffering to some extent but she is just not ready to let go yet. I get up at night to check on her, always thinking that she will be gone but there she is looking back at me. I put up the Christmas tree a little early because she loves to sleep underneath. I brush her, I play videos of birds for her to watch to distract her, I hand feed her goodies. There is no amount of pampering and loving that this cat is missing.

I am still a mess much of the time. Every time she loses a little bit of herself and can't do something she used to love doing it breaks my heart. Like I said before, I have grieved for much loved pets in the past but this anticipatory grieving is a whole different experience.

Hi, debra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Tess are doing. I do so very much understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "Every time she loses a little bit of herself and can't do something she used to love doing it breaks my heart. Like I said before, I have grieved for much loved pets in the past but this anticipatory grieving is a whole different experience."

It is one of the hardest things we experience when we see our precious companion's physical health decline from age, illness, injury. And the sadness we feel is intensified when we know that our precious companion's earthly journey is now limited - - we find ourselves counting the moments and treasuring each hour of every day we have with them.

It sounds like your precious Tess is also trying to savour every moment of every hour of every day she has with you, - - a testimony of the love bond and devotion you share with one another. If you think she might be in pain, and your vet has not already given you some pain management meds, you may want to check with him / her about this. Pain is debilitating and can hasten weakness on the body. If the pain can be controlled with a reasonable pain management doseage, this may help to maintain some of your precious Tess' quality of life. And as the pain management needs to be increased you will have a better idea about other decisions you may need to make for her. Also, there may be some medication that may help her with her breathing - - it's worth a talk with your veterinary provider. No - - none of these medications will change the prognosis, but they may help keep your precoius Tess comfortable and therefore maintain a good quality of life for you to continue together. If you do decide to talk to your vet, you will also need to ask him / her if there would be any adverse effects to the medication and if so, what they would be. Once you have the information, then you can decide if the medications would be beneficial - - or not - - for your precious Tess. Please know that whatever you decide we are here for you to offer you support, encouragement, and comfort as you and your precious Tess travel this journey together. You and you alone know what is best for your precious girl.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Tess kindly, debra, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening together. Please know you and your precious Tess are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Tess lost her battle today. I had to put her to sleep a few hours ago. It was the right time and I promised her I would do it right. I am feeling terribly sad but also relieved that the decision is made and the long process is over. I don't have to worry about her anymore and she is no longer struggling to breathe.

Tess has been gone for almost a month. I miss her so much and I cry for her every day. The time I had with her when she was dying is priceless even though the process was so very hard.

I love you my little Muffin. Daisy and I hardly know what to do without you running things. Home doesn't feel like home anymore and there is a place on the bed that will be forever empty. I know you are peaceful and warm and your belly is always full and you aren't sick anymore. Sleep well my sweet girl.

Hi, debra, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Tess. Losing a companoin is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Debra, I am sooo sorry that I did not see your post of December 11, 2012, sharing with us the news of your beloved Tess' transition home to the angels. I do soooo understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "Home doesn't feel like home anymore and there is a place on the bed that will be forever empty." Even though we have the blessing of other precious companions with us, there is a HUGE void in our hearts and home when a beloved companion is no longer physically present. Even though we intellectually know they are no longer struggling with their illness there is still the grief adjustment journey that needs to be traveled - - one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart, debra. I can only hope that the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief journey. Please know you are not alone in your journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Debra, thank you sooo very much for sharing your beloved Tess with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Once again, debra, please know you are not alone in your grief adjustment journey. Please know my heart feels your deep sorrow, and I am here for you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Daisy kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tess' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Daisy are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

moon beam - thank you so much for your kind and comforting words.