**I wrote this overnight after my almost 11 year old cat Tucker passed away. He died at about 1AM and the vet didn't open until 9AM and it was a long night. I just wanted to put it up publicly somewhere. Thanks for reading.


Tucker passed away today, about 1:00 am on January 3rd, 2009. There was no indication whatsoever that he was anything but perfectly fine. Last night he was sitting on my computer desk watching a bird video. At 6:00 he ate his dinner without hesitation. I’m glad I decided to break out the good stuff he got in his Christmas stocking. His last meal was duck. At about 10:00 he was lying under the Christmas tree. I heard him coughing. Just a normal cough like he does if he has a hair ball or something. Then he yowled very loudly and by the time I got to him he was limp and barely breathing.

I grabbed him up and shook him and amazingly he revived. He panted very hard and his back legs were wobbly so I held him in my arms and rocked him sitting in the recliner. He came back around, alert and responding to his name, he even went in and used the litter box. He seemed okay if not quite himself. He even responded to a toy and ate a cat treat though he seemed to have a little trouble getting it down. At about 12:00 while I was holding him and petting him it happened again. Again I revived him. He started breathing, went in and used the litter box and lay back down on the floor.
This time he was not quite as alert although he was up. He was very vigilant and wouldn’t lie down and try and sleep. I could see that something was very wrong and that things were not going to go well. At about 1:00 he got up and moved to another place on the floor. He started the labored breathing again and flopped over on his side. This time I just pet him and let him go. I picked him up and held him and he died in my arms.

I got to say goodbye. I got to tell him he was a good boy and that I loved him very very much. I got to soothe his fur and tuck a fuzzy mouse into his paws, wrap him in a soft fleece blanket and tuck him into his bed one last time. His sisters got to look him over and sniff him and say goodbye. I took him to the cold car until morning when I’ll take him to the vets for cremation.

I’m grateful that he went so quickly without suffering. I’m grateful he died in my arms, at home where he was safe and not afraid. I’m grateful he got to have one more Christmas. He slept under the tree, got new toys and even wore a red sweater like he was born for it.

I never thought that he would grow to be old. He was such a big cat and he’d been through two medical crises already. After his urinary tract adventures I made up my mind that I would not put him through any more medical treatments and I’ve been preparing myself for probably the last year or so. It doesn’t make me any less sad. I loved him dearly. He has been through ten very tough years with me. Five moves, all of which he handled like a champ. All he ever needed was his food bowl, the bed and me and he was content.

I love you big bubby boy. Daisy and Tess and I will miss you so much.

I'm so sorry to hear of Tucker's quick passing. You were so blessed to have such a wonderful friend for so many years. Tucker is now a beautiful soul at the Rainbow Bridge, happy and healthy and forever watching over you. It is so hard to say goodbye no matter which way they depart from us. Hoping your healing is quick and memories fill you with smiles...Hugs. Ann

Debra,

I am so sorry to hear you've lost your Tucker Man. But he was with you knowing how much you loved him as you comforted him. It is so hard to lose these wonderful creatures especially when they have been with us as we go through the life changes we do. They are such a joy to have to greet you when you come home. Always glad to see us and it seems to cheer us up even if we have had a bad day.

We lost a 13 year old cat & 17-1/2 year old dog within 3 days of each other in October. Both were very special to us. Our poodle Flossie had had many medical crisis and like you I said I wouldn't put her through any more pain. The last time they thought they may have to give her blood transfusions & I said ONE, but then I'll have to end these issues for her. She did not have to have the transfusions & kept on another 3-4 years doing ok.

The kitty, Lady, had cancer & had the breathing problems you describe. But your Tucker was so unexpected I can only imagine what a long night you had. I prepared myself too, or thought I was. It doesn't make us any less sad or miss them any less. I guess all we can do is be thankful we had them in our lives for what ever amount of time it was. I got 14 more years with Flossie than she would have had with most people as she had a poor chance of walking ever again with a back problem at 3-1/2. I'm glad I was able to provide the medical care and years of care I had to give her. She was my special angel and I miss her terribly.

Post some pictures of Tucker when you feel up to it. Come here as often as you need to for support from all the people who understand your pain. We have all been where you are right now. Tucker Man is watching over you, Daisy & Tess

Ginger

Your post put me to tears as i read it. I had to leave my cubicle.

I'm very deeply sorry for your loss.


Candy's Dad

Hi, Debra, please permit me to offer you my deepest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Tucker. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Tucker was blessed to be able to die peacefully at home surrounded by the people and things he loved best. There really is no way we can possibly "prepare" ourselves completely for the loss of our beloved companions. Adjusting to the physical loss is as difficult as adjusting emotionally. But please know you are among friends here who will be with you as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Tucker, Debra, and please let us know how you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I feel blessed, not only to have had such a great companion but also that he died the way he did. If I had to create the perfect scenario for losing a pet it would have been just the way it happened. I even had time to come to terms with what was happening and to say my goodbyes. The grief is so much easier to cope with without any guilt or anger. It was the last gift we could give each other.

This is my beautiful boy on his very first Christmas. No, he was not supposed to be playing with the tree but he was so cute I couldn't resist taking a couple of pictures. Yes indeed, he was very spoiled.

Very cute picture of Tucker!!! I also love the name. (my son's cat has the same name also)
I am glad you got to spend his final hours together.. I would have enjoyed to have petted and told my Sissycat how much I loved her and let her go peacefully.
Please know we are all here for you!!!!

More pictures or stories when or if you wanna.

Hugs to you and your new angel TUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences. Bless you for all those years of such terrific care you gave your fur baby Tucker seeing him through those medical crises. You're a wonderful person!


Hold onto that, Dear One. Hold onto that. What a beautiful fur baby, too!



Winging many Loving Angels to soothe and guide you at your time of grief.

Big Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

I have a very soft spot for those tuxedo-babies. I'm so sorry for the loss of your adorable Tucker.


thoughts and prayers,
Dayna

I'm sorry for your loss. I am glad you had Tucker for the time he was with you. How heartbreaking to think all is okay but then things start happening. You were together through it all, however, and I believe you can take comfort in that. He was never alone. What a beautiful boy. I love your picture of him and the tree.

Hugs and peace to you and your new Angel...Tucker.

Judy

Thank you all again. Reading this has brought me a lot of comfort over this difficult week. I appreciate the kind words and Dottie's lovely remembrance. I'd like to be able to provide the same for all the people who are grieving on this board but right now I just don't have much to give.

It's important to remember that love is not finite and there is always more to give without taking any away. I hate to see people who are so stricken that they can't offer up the love they have to another animal who needs it. Tucker, as well as my two girl kitties, Daisy and Tess, were strays. They were cold, hungry, scared and unloved. Now they have the life of luxury as beloved pets. Every pet I've lost, however painful the experience, has opened the door to let another into my heart. There are so many out there that need loving homes.

Thanks again,

Debra

I couldn't agree more. Even tho it took me several months to bring a new furbaby into my life.


You will soon be able to offer others comfort. Some times I try, but just don't have the words.

Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Debra,

I am so sorry to hear about Tucker's passing. Just like Candy's Dad, I am sitting here with tears running down my face. It must have been a very rough night. You must be a very strong person to be able to focus on all of the positive things that you mentioned. Tucker is watching you and he loves you and he always will.

Steve

Debra, I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your fur baby Tucker. Thank you for sharing your story, and Tucker's picture with us. It sounded like he had a wonderful life with you. He was a very lucky cat to have found such a loving home. I hope that the years of happy memories, will console you during this difficult time. You truly have such a wonderful outlook on life.

Thank you Misletoe. I see a tuxedo cat in your avatar, they really have a charm like no other don't they? My two girl cats are also both tuxedo cats. They were all strays taken in at different times, years apart. It's just a coincidence but a happy one.

It has been two weeks today. I've had my ups and downs but the grief isn't all consuming and debilitating. My mother had surgery a week ago so I've had other things occupying my thoughts and my time. I miss him so much. It just seems so unreal that he's not here. I forget, of course, and then it all has to come back to me. I miss the things I took for granted. The unique way he had of rubbing against every peice of furniture and the doorway over and over again when he was letting me know he wanted something. The way he would jump up and ask to be picked up. The feel of his weight jumping up on the bed. When he wanted to be fed and nothing else had worked, the way he would flop over on his back and roll around. I would make fun of him for playing the "cute" card. The way he would growl at me to complain that he was sick of being cuddled. At some point when he was little he growled at me when I was holding him and I thought it was cute. Obviously I had positively reinforced that behavior to the point where he did it all the time.
Every closet door in my house remains closed. That was never the case when he was alive.

The other cats have adjusted to his absence. It took them about a week and a half then they surmised that everything was still okay in their little world. I have been watching them learn new roles in the house and with each other. All the little subtle changes in their behavior.

The last place I saw him when he was happy and everything was okay was under the Christmas tree. I haven't been able to bring myself to take the tree down. I know that I have to do it, it's the middle of January and it's never up this long. The prospect of doing it just makes me so sad.

I'm not one who has a strong spiritual side, I feel we need to give it our all in this world and not wait for the promise of another. But I do like to entertain the notion that Tucker is with his long gone best friend Sydney. They would be so happy to see each other again.

Thank you all again. I'm rambling because I need to ramble and this is as good a place as there is for that.

You sure got that right. This IS the place to come when you want to ramble on. Gosh I sure come here to ramble enough.
At least everyone that comes hear doesn't mind it. Sometimes the people around us get bothered by it.

Yea I know what you mean by the others changing roles. When Sissycat was alive she was the only one that was allowed in my bedroom. Not by me, but the others never dared go in there. It took a few months but now one of her sisters finally comes in my room and sleeps at the foot of my bed.

Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come back to ramble anytime!!!

One month today...I miss you so much Big Boy. So many tears today I can barely see to type. Sending out a head bump to you baby.

Oh that is so sweet!!!

I bet Tucker is giving ya plenty of bumps.

Hugs to you both!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That first month is so jhard, may Tucker let you know he is there when you need him most.