Honoring My Emma

Emma didn't ask for the trouble she had throughout her life. Probably a naturally rambunctious dog with a joyous personality, she was squelched by years as a puppy mill breeder in an Amish puppy mill. But over the years together, she came to enjoy her life and venture outside and even interact (a very little) with other dogs. The dog park was never acceptable, but I tried to expand her horizons as much as she would permit. She found her place finally relaxing and hanging with me on a small remote property in upstate New York. That was her favorite place. But home was really where her heart was -- nothing pleased her more than resting with me, whether in her chair next to my desk as I worked or next to me reading or whatever. But she always liked to be touching me. She did not like to walk but valiantly took her exercise every day, although she walked veerrrryyyyy slowly. The faster I tried to go, the slower she went!

She loved food and she loved smelling food and garbage. Garbage night was her favorite time.

Emma was so soft and warm and I miss her smell so much. She stayed with me as long as she could, although I knew she had something (or many things) wrong from the moment I got her. Vet visits were at least monthly with some new issue, mostly never resolved. I have to say that our vet was wonderful, managing every new issue and finding the best balance for Emma while keeping her as comfortable as possible. But every moment was agony in some ways .... how's she feeling, is she drinking enough, does her back hurt, how's her stomach, will this new medication hurt her belly, will she vomit. Every day was both agony and joy.

There were many days over the years when I thought I was losing Emma. And, in retrospect, I think she was actually ready to go but her love for me and her wish to care for me kept her hanging on. Even though I took care of her, she was a mommy dog through and through, and I think she thought humans were her puppies in a way. After all, she probably barely saw humans for the first half of her life, only puppies.

Even though she was a very quiet dog, you could see the spark of her personality. She was and is the most precious, special being I have ever known. The joy has gone out of life for me because every moment with her was a joy, along with the anxiety. And when she was feeling really well, all was pure joy and love. Emma is my heart and my love forever, and I cannot imagine ever feeling joy again without her.

Although I feel like crying out to her, "Why did you leave me?" I know in my heart that she stayed absolutely as long as she could to be with me. I am absolutely certain of that. She could have let go years ago at certain moments. And she waited to leave me until she was lying in my arms with me. She literally dragged herself out of the bedroom into the living room where I was. I was trying to leave her alone to rest ... I didn't know this would be the day she would leave. But she pulled herself over to me and we lay down together. I held her and kissed her head and she let go. She was a valiant, wonderful soul, my companion and soulmate. I love her with every molecule in my body and she permeates me. I often feel her with me still, even though it's been more than 5 months since I lost her. Sometimes that comforts me but not today for some reason.

I started a new job a few months ago and the people I work with probably have a total misimpression of me, because I have tried to act happy but it's probably looking hollow. I have really no motivation to excel and have no heart in my work or in anything at all I do. I do what I have to but my heart is not in anything except mourning for my beloved dog Emma. My love, I miss you so much. I want you back with me but I am also glad you are free. I love you.

It's Been Several Months Since I Lost My Emma

I lost my dog Emma several months ago. I miss her terribly .... my life revolved around her medical (and emotional) needs for the 7 years we were together. Every day either held sorrow that she was not feeling well or great joy that it would be a good day for her. My work suffered and I had no social life, but I never doubted she was worth it. Every free minute I had was spent with Emma.

Now that she has left me, I feel like I don't care about anything. I can see it's a beautiful day and I remember the joy I felt with Emma on beautiful days. But I don't feel it anymore, just sadness that I am no longer spending this day with my precious Emma. I feel like I will never be happy again and I don't know what to do. I wish Emma was with me to help me through this as she always did. Just feeling her against me would bring me joy. And I knew it brought her job to be near me. What can ever compare to that love? Nothing.

Lost My Emma And Afraid I Can Never Be With Another Dog

I miss my little girl so much. Everyone who knew her loved her quietness. Even her vet said she was an old soul. All I know if that my heart is broken with loss of such a beautiful baby in my life. I feel so empty without her. She is everything to me, and the love and trust we share is something that can never leave me.

I always had dogs in my life and I assumed that when Emma left me, I would want someone else in my life. But I don't. And I feel like I have lost part of myself. I have always fostered rescue dogs as well as living with my own. But Emma wouldn't tolerate foster dogs so the two of us lived alone all these years. I just can't bear to see another dog in her favorite spots. And I feel guilty that I have a home that could be helping dogs in need, but I just can't bring myself to try.

More Than 3 Months Since I Lost My Precious Emma

My precious, special dog, Emma, slipped quietly away from me on her own in July. She had been unwell the whole time she was with me -- she was a former puppy mill breeder with multiple medical problems. But we managed every day as it came and had seven years of love and joy together.

Emma was special -- very quiet and slow-moving, never played and rarely wagged her tail. But when she did wag, the world lit up with joy. Everyone who met her fell instantly in love and wanted to take care of her.

I can't stop thinking about how she died in my arms so quietly. It was only luck that I was with her at the time. She just gave up at last. I am so devastated, I don't know what to do. I still cry every day and kiss her bed and pretend to pet her soft fur. I feel like I'm crazy, but I want her to be with me so much that I pretend she is. And then I cry even harder. I can't bear to put her things away and her little dishes and a bone she left are still there. Will I ever accept her loss? I really expected to feel some relief from having to deal with all her medications and vet visits, and all the pressure of having to get home from anywhere quickly. But I don't feel any relief, just a terrible emptiness.

All the joy has gone out of my life because Emma was my joy.